Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2006 6:21 pm Post subject: My Poem: Me, Myself and I
I wrote this poem for English class where we had to write an autobiography poem on a struggle - After I wrote it I realized that I wouldn't be able to send it in for a grade because it describes most of myself. I ended up creating a whole new poem about something I didn't struggle with but others may have..
Anyways here is my poem. Tell me what you think about it.
Me, Myself, and I
I walk slowly through an empty hallway
Alone
I see a person appearing from the corner and
I quickly look to the floor
I hope I wasn't noticed
I didn't mind having few friends
No one really said much to me anyway
Lunchtime would be boring and awkward
Just staring at my few friends
Just sitting and eating hoping no one is staring
Just looking down as if I don't want to be noticed
I rely on a game to take me away from this nonsense
It works
I get sucked in and it only took a second
No one is there to save me
No one is there to care
Two years pass and I finally get hit
Hit by life
I can't stay on this forever
I must leave and open my eyes to what's around me
I urge to break free and soar into the sky
There is no way I can when there's a shell
around me
I need to meet new people
I hate the feeling of being
Rejected from people I just met
Lonely from having no one to talk to
Afraid from answering the phone, walking, talking, or eating in public
I just want it all to end
Just maybe one day I'll get a chance to break free
And be the person I truly want to be
The person who can yell out in public and say
I'm free
Joined: Jan 16, 2006 Posts: 627 Location: Northern Europe
Posted: Mon May 01, 2006 9:43 pm Post subject:
Well, I can relate to what you're saying, and yeah, I would not have dared to send it in either.
If you're really interested in an honest comment on the poem, then I find your language a bit mundane, more like an essay than a poem. More flowery language, please! Read some Sylvia Plath and you'll see what I mean. It shows promise, though!
Joined: Jan 16, 2006 Posts: 627 Location: Northern Europe
Posted: Mon May 01, 2006 10:53 pm Post subject:
You called my bluff, methinks. I have to admit I'm not much familiar with Sylvia Plath's poetry or anyone's poetry, for that matter. I read mostly novels, and liked the Bell Jar. I mentioned Plath to illustrate good use of language, imagery, etc...
Anyway, here's one I like.
Sylvia Plath wrote:
I Am Vertical
But I would rather be horizontal.
I am not a tree with my root in the soil
Sucking up minerals and motherly love
So that each March I may gleam into leaf,
Nor am I the beauty of a garden bed
Attracting my share of Ahs and spectacularly painted,
Unknowing I must soon unpetal.
Compared with me, a tree is immortal
And a flower-head not tall, but more startling,
And I want the one's longevity and the other's daring.
Tonight, in the infinitesimal light of the stars,
The trees and flowers have been strewing their cool odors.
I walk among them, but none of them are noticing.
Sometimes I think that when I am sleeping
I must most perfectly resemble them--
Thoughts gone dim.
It is more natural to me, lying down.
Then the sky and I are in open conversation,
And I shall be useful when I lie down finally:
The the trees may touch me for once, and the flowers have time for me.
Hey, 242 posts, as in Front 242! Oh, never mind...
Joined: May 05, 2006 Posts: 65 Location: Australia
Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 8:43 am Post subject:
I really liked that, thankyou. It's like venting and getting it off your chest but in a creative and artistic sort of way. Made all the more special because i know how you feel.
Hold on to this and look back on it when you make some progress and then read it again. That is what i like to do. Take care, that day will come to you.
Well, I can relate to what you're saying, and yeah, I would not have dared to send it in either.
If you're really interested in an honest comment on the poem, then I find your language a bit mundane, more like an essay than a poem. More flowery language, please! Read some Sylvia Plath and you'll see what I mean. It shows promise, though!
"If you're really interested in an honest comment on the poem, then I find your language a bit mundane, more like an essay than a poem. "
---I had to write it that way, it was for my english class!!
"More flowery language, please!"
---I can write my poems the way I like it, I don't have to follow what you say.
(Social lesson #8: When someone asks for a comment, they do not actually want your honest opinion, just unconditional praise.)
Yes. A total stranger just became extraordinarily cool to me.
They aldo want validation. Lots of it.
_________________ I am likely to miss the main event
If I stop to cry or complain again
So I will keep a deliberate pace
Let the damned breeze dry my face
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no one has comments? I wrote this a while ago.
Read some Sylvia Plath and you'll see what I mean. It shows promise, though! 
