I know for a fact that alot of people don't like me.
I don't feel that people dislike me. I think, if asked, most people would say they like me and might even describe themselves as my friend.
I think the reality, though, is that I am really not important to them and they would say they like me, but are really closer to being ambivalent about me. People are not sensitive to my feelings. As mentioned by me earlier post, they choose words that are not intended to make me feel included or welcome. They don't inquire why I frequently don't participate because they don't really want my participation. By not inquiring, they always give themselves an excuse to exclude me because they can say they assumed I wasn't interested.
Maybe these people think you were rude to avoid contact with them, and participation in previous social events, and are behaving towards you the same way they felt you have treated them.
Also they probably don't even know how much it would mean to you to be heartedly invited.
Yes, I feel unwelcome sometimes too. I usualy try and remember if I have behaved anyway in the past thay might have made them feel unwelcome and most often discovered that I did.
I learned this because I used to have another AvPD working at my office. As sensitive and aware of the condition as I am, he often made me feel soooo unwanted that I hated him real bad and would definitely not invite him anywhere I didn't have too. I knew that deep inside he didn't mean it and was having a real hard time himself, but still, the negative thoughts and bad feeling I got from being around him...I took this as a good mirror to my own behavior and what I did that could make people feel unwanted.
It's hard to smile at someone and make him feel realy welcome when your gut is screeming "Flee" or: "This is a serious mission and I must perform". So when I feel this way I keep a consice and bussiness-like manner. But when I am truely happy to see someone I try and let them feel it too. This is probably the surest way of gaining back a feeling from them.
In any case - I am truely happy to read your posts and most welcome your next ones
You guys seem to be using this place to continue your problems. Don't you see that your problem is excatly that you spend way too much time analyzing what other people think about you?
WHO CARES WHO MAKES YOU FEEL WELCOME?!
WHO CARES WHO LIKES YOU OR DOESN'T LIKE YOU
repeat after me
"it doesn't matter if strangers or people i don't know like me or not."
trying hard to be welcomed and liked isn't going to solve your problem you're just reinforcing your problem.
What you need to do is realize that you need to just be you regardless of what people think and eventually you'll find someone who does like you!
You guys seem to be using this place to continue your problems. . . .What you need to do is realize that you need to just be you regardless of what people think and eventually you'll find someone who does like you!
You guys seem to be using this place to continue your problems. . . .What you need to do is realize that you need to just be you regardless of what people think and eventually you'll find someone who does like you!
But just what is that supposed to mean? My comment was saying you need to realize this and all your problems will go away... it was to encourage you to move towards recovery not to perpetuate your sickness. If you find yourself worrying about feeling welcome you need to catch yourself instead of sinking into your sickness. Change your thoughts from "omg what was he implying by how he said that?!" to "I'm going to accept the invitation and have fun!"
It's not up to others to make you well. Infact they CAN'T... so don't even put pressure on them even in your mind to do so ESPECIALLY if you're not paying them 80-250 bucks an hour like your shrink gets. It's up to you to change. It's up to you to recognize your self destructive thoughts and force good ones to appear in their place. It's up to you to turn on your lights and let them shine through... and if you don't make any effort to do that... and infact waste your efforts on thought games that pepetuate your sickness than you deserve to suffer. Are you people here to improve? Or are you here for a group hug circlejerk where your sickness is understood and validated? Why WHY would you want to validate something that causes you to suffer. REJECT IT! that's the only logical step you can make!
I don't seem to be welcome anywhere, people look at me like I'm a leper, and like they feel sorry for me because I'm so ugly....that hurts
And by the way, to the person who said "you guys seem to be using this place to continue your problems" what exactly are you doing here then?
I don't seem to be welcome anywhere, people look at me like I'm a leper, and like they feel sorry for me because I'm so ugly....that hurts
And by the way, to the person who said "you guys seem to be using this place to continue your problems" what exactly are you doing here then?
OK I finally made an account. That was me who said that. What I was hoping to do here was find people with similar problems whom are trying to get better. People I can brainstorm ways to improve with. Not people to validate my sickness. This is something to beat not dwell in.
Now for example you claim to be so ugly that people look at you like you're a leper. Come on - that's your sickness again. So maybe you are really ugly - but there are plenty of ugly people that have normal lives. Or maybe you're only ugly because you're not well groomed and don't take care of yourself - something you can fix. Or maybe you're not even ugly and just tell yourself that because it projects blame onto something other than your self destructive thoughts. Tell you what. Post a picture of yourself and I'll give you an honest take on your ugliness. That's a good way to confront your problem.
Joined: Jun 09, 2005 Posts: 334 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 7:07 pm Post subject:
LittleMissScareAll wrote:
I always feel unwelcome and like people don't like me...even if people seem nice to me I always think they're just faking it and that they're really thinking "I hate her!"...actually I know for a fact that alot of people don't like me.
I used to think along the lines that SA was a problem mostly in my own mind..that I was reading negative things into other peoples words & actions..& I had to work on ignoring these negative thoughts & realise it was all in my head.
I used to read comments like the above by lil'miss & think it was just SA talking.
But recently I had an experience where I had to deal with a group of new people...& I could hear them talking about me all the time...& whereas I thought people might not think anything about me either way because I don't interact much........I was soooooooooooo wrong & I found out people actually HATED me...said as much & called me an ugly evil bitch....among Lots of other things.
So now I think its not all in my own mind...I'm not misreading other people...people are quite often nasty & do pick on the weak.
Its knocked my confidence even further down...but I'm trying to get over it by thinking... I don't have to change my mindset.....I just have to toughen up.
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