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-   -   Why do love-shy men NOT want to show they like/love a woman? (http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/why-do-love-shy-men-not-want-to-show-they-like-love-a-woman-19611/)

TooShyShy 07-16-2009 12:08 AM

Why do love-shy men NOT want to show they like/love a woman?
 
Or at least have some feelings or an attraction for her? Why hide your feelings and not acknowledge them? What is the worry in the girl knowing this? Why hold back?

Is it better to live this way and watch, stare, fantasize about her from afar and be sad and lonely rather than let the girl know you are attracted to her?

klytus 07-16-2009 12:31 AM

Re: Why do love-shy men NOT want to show they like/love a woman?
 
It is better, yes, unless you know that she can't do any lasting harm. -- Simply because you make yourself very vulnerable by letting her know. She can destroy you emotionally, sometimes even professionally. The moment you tell her, you lose control over the situation. She can do whatever she wants with that information and it's not too unlikely that she will (ab)use it to ridicule you, sometimes even publicly.

freestylemonster 07-16-2009 12:35 AM

Re: Why do love-shy men NOT want to show they like/love a woman?
 
Yeah I mean the worst she can do is say she doesn't like you that way...And if she's really mean and harsh about it then she's not worth it in the first place! But for some odd reason it still scares the crap outa me to even think of saying my feelings toward a girl :(

NothingElseMatters 07-16-2009 12:38 AM

Re: Why do love-shy men NOT want to show they like/love a woman?
 
---deleted---

klytus 07-16-2009 12:40 AM

Re: Why do love-shy men NOT want to show they like/love a woman?
 
Quote:

Yeah I mean the worst she can do is say she doesn't like you that way...
No, the worst thing she can do is to make it publicly known that you have emotions for her, and how unheard-of that is. She can get scared and call the police, and tell them that you made unwanted sexual advances on her, simply for having said that you actually like her a lot.

I admit, it doesn't happen to many people, but then, many people are just normal and have social lives, and are socially accepted. Who would dare to do such a thing to someone who is accepted by the shared group of friends?

Quote:

And if she's really mean and harsh about it then she's not worth it in the first place!
Yes, and what about the possibly destroyed career, or the problems that can arise from such an unprovidential situation?

It really depends on who you are. Not everyone is allowed to be so brave to simply share the perceived emotions with the lady of preference.

freestylemonster 07-16-2009 12:57 AM

Re: Why do love-shy men NOT want to show they like/love a woman?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by klytus (Post 184300)
No, the worst thing she can do is to make it publicly known that you have emotions for her, and how unheard-of that is. She can get scared and call the police, and tell them that you made unwanted sexual advances on her, simply for having said that you actually like her a lot.

I admit, it doesn't happen to many people, but then, many people are just normal and have social lives, and are socially accepted. Who would dare to do such a thing to someone who is accepted by the shared group of friends?


Yes, and what about the possibly destroyed career, or the problems that can arise from such an unprovidential situation?

It really depends on who you are. Not everyone is allowed to be so brave to simply share the perceived emotions with the lady of preference.

lol well I'm only 19, and if I was gonna ask her out I'd get to know her a bit first...Also being rejected by a girl wouldn't wreck my career...Those are both completely separate things.

But if you really don't wanna ever ask out a girl because she might call the police on you or ruin your career somehow (these are waaaay over the top) then by all means live your life as a single man never experiencing love

Also "not everybody is allowed to be brave and share their emotions"??????

Everyone's allowed to!!! There's no law saying that some people can't..

TooShyShy 07-16-2009 01:40 AM

Re: Why do love-shy men NOT want to show they like/love a woman?
 
Well, i don't see how just letting a girl know your true feelings for her can ruin a career, let alone a life..if she feels the same way and she's mature enough to handle it then what can be so bad about that, she could be THE ONE the love of your life????

Is that what runs through ones mind, really? Is that what holds you back..she may ruin my life?

I think if that is what you truly feel deep down then its quite irrational. And i feel the alternative is very sad..to forever be alone when you could have found love :( thats a real shame.

Shyness really is a killer.

no1 07-16-2009 02:37 AM

Re: Why do love-shy men NOT want to show they like/love a woman?
 
well.. I think about the following: if a girl sees I'm attracted to her she will think I am ridiculous, weak and ***** whipped. Why? because that's what they've shown me. and the guys will make you look and feel ridiculous.

the other reason is this: SEXUAL attraction is a very touchy subject. Expressing sexual attraction can make you look like a pervert. You never know when it's right. Sexual feelings, ARE something to be careful about. You don't know if the woman will like it or not, say you are sexually harrassing her, etc. and out of respect I don't want to be too explicit about them.

that goes for "love" feelings also, because it's all sexual.

maybe I just didn't grow up around people who could have shown me that it's ok to have and show sexual/romantic feelings toward a woman. To me I feel like a beast if I don't know that it's ok. Even when people tell me that it is ok, I don't. It can ruin your professional career, everything because you are RISKING IT. Sexual harassment is not something to **** with, obviously. And many girls use it to their advantage as you can see.

and that's why I'm not at all ok about showing such feelings with women. And I feel it is very wrong for women (or men) to think you are gay, or weak, unmasculine, ***** because of this. I think it is also wrong for a woman to consider you asexual, and therefore never developing, and considering you for "romance" or anything, even calling it OFFENSIVE because you are not overtly sexual with her.

satstrn 07-16-2009 03:02 AM

Re: Why do love-shy men NOT want to show they like/love a woman?
 
most of us shy guys can express our feelings for a girl but not for a very long time. for me, i must be ABSOLUTELY positive shes into me or i wont go for it ever. no1 is right, theres the ridicule thing, the sexual harassment thing, the being seen as weak thing...its potentially dangerous. though i know im a damn nice guy that girls would like and have liked before, i cant express interest in a girl cuz she has the potential to make things harder on me. when you get rejected, you feel like shit. period. PS, a girl wont ruin your career thats crap. she does have the potential to wreck your confidence/self esteem and make it particularly nasty. and being a girl, of course shell tell her friends about the pathetic guy that tried to show interest in her...friggin girls, man, so amazing and yet so frustrating...

no1 07-16-2009 03:04 AM

Re: Why do love-shy men NOT want to show they like/love a woman?
 
and I would love to read some feedback as regards this topic because it bothers me a lot. it bothers me that the way I see people actually getting to know each other, or "finding mates" through what I MIGHT view as 'perversion'. I'm not sure if I actually view it as perverted, but I do find it promiscuous and "dirty" behavior. Not because I view sex as dirty, or nasty... but because the way I see people going about finding it, or getting into relationships based on the concept of DEVIANCE because people tend to associate sexuality with deviance. and I find it offensive, or at least discouraging and disheartening to see other men act this way towards women, and women being complacent because they think it is ok since it has been portrayed as "common". To APPROACH someone, who you have close to little or NO connection with, with sexual deviations. Even if it is done jokingly, women CAN and WILL if they have to, take advantage of such a situation if they dont like you or aren't "attracted" to you, and say you are harassing them.

But any other guy who they're attracted to, can say any damn thing they want.

It's ok, if a woman rejects you, laugh it off and just be done with it, continue on with the friendship. But to call it OFFENSIVE and then, run away, and stop being friends with you because you were simply being honest, and expected it to be handled as an adult? Especially knowing that they have an unfair and excessively/purely materialistic preference as to who to "be offended by" and "who not to.." (????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ????????????)


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