Problem in gym

Hi guys,

I have social anxiety. My symptoms are that I will start smiling awkwardly and have an awkward posture when people are around me.

I'm obese and I have been going to the gym to lose my weight so that I can feel more confident and better about myself.

The problem is there are many people there. And I tend to attract attention because of my awkwardness. (I have seen people look at me in the gym and its very embarrassing.)

Sometimes, i feel like avoiding to go to the gym.

Should I just ignore them? Because at the most they would be thinking "look at this freak" and look down on me. But it won't hurt or kill me right?

Firstly well done for going to the gym, i've always said people like us with sp it is essential we get regular doses of endorphins to keep positive, i too have started going to the gym 3 times a week to lose weight, bit i have issues with people too but what you need to do is dont look at anyone, remember you dont need acceptance from them, you are there for a purpose. A good tging to do is make a schedule so when you get there you know what machines your going to use. Pretend you are the only person in there. Good luck!

The people there may look but they won't care much. They may make a few jokes, but might also compliment you for your effort. And if you show results, they will certainly compliment you for it. If you go regularly, they'll think better of you too. Of course, if you just go every now and then they'll think you're a slacker.

I'm short and skinny, sometimes I get looks because I may look a bit out of place there, or maybe they're just looking at me the same way I look at them. In the end it doesn't really matter, I'm there doing my thing and they're doing theirs.

Anyway, if you can you could try going at the hours with less people there.

This is why I avoided the gym and dieted and jogged all by myself. I jog at night, after dark. Sometimes as late as 11 pm.

I'm all about that avoidance.......

Regardless, I lost 100 pounds. I used to be 270-280 when I was younger, but right now I'm at 175, and the summer before last I was down to 159 which was very substantial.

Think of it this way: you noticed people looking at you because you were looking at them as well. It's normal to look at other people, and just because they're looking doesn't necessarily mean they're judging you negatively. In fact, I noticed that a lot of gym buffs admire people like you because you're trying to make a change for the better and you're going to the gym despite all the self-consciousness that it may bring. Usually they just go "good for him/her". Besides, even if a couple of bad apples are judging you negatively based on your appearance, does it really matter? You don't know them, they don't know you, and by the time you leave the gym you're both gonna go on with your lives and not even think of it anymore.

You did very well by going to the gym. Keep working hard and your "awkwardness" will gradually turn into confidence, and your posture will improve as well. Think of how awesome and proud you'll feel by the time you've shed those extra pounds, and use that as motivation to focus on your workouts instead of looking around wondering if people are looking.

double post, yo.

wise_wind said:

Sometimes, i feel like avoiding to go to the gym.
Should I just ignore them? Because at the most they would be thinking "look at this freak" and look down on me. But it won't hurt or kill me right?

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I know exactly what you mean; I'm only about 201 now, but in High School I was around 311, and there's always this feeling of people looking at you like "oh look at that fat sack of crap struggling to run" like they don't realize we want to lose the weight and really trying to do something about it.
I dont know your weight but I think you could probably do things like obviously eating healthier and doing some minimal exercising around the house to lose a little bit and feel more comfortable going to the gym.
Drink more water, eat less (or none at all) breaded food and fast food (basically nothing fried), watch not just calorie count on food but sodium count. If youre like me and you like chicken, get grilled instead of breaded, get meat from a deli and not packaged. If you like pasta get grain/wheat pasta and organic sauce, actually get a good amount of organic food in general if you can, I find a lot of organic juices and sauces to taste far better.
Walk more, park at the far end of a parking lot for example, take the stairs instead of the elevator, it's surprising how much little things can help.

Losing weight won't help your social anxiety issues.

I got a slight and brief boost of self image and confidence, but eventually, that wears away.

When I was a lot younger, I thought that if I lost weight, all of my problems with friends and girls would be sorted out. Little did I know that there was a LOT more to my problems than my body weight

In my opinion, there will always be a never-ending hoard of internal struggles to overcome. Which makes life so much more difficult, because there isn't much energy or enthusiasm left over for the external struggles that most people go through on a daily basis throughout their lives.

Social anxiety essentially doubles (if not more) the amount of stress and difficulty that I experience in my own life. Perhaps some of you feel the same way.

Personally I don't like gyms, it's just not an environment that suits me at all...I also believe it's a waste of money. Just my opinion after a bit of research and personal experience. They are also intimidating paces to go to. I mean you have essentially egos wearing revealing clothing and doing all sorts of exercises. It is confronting.

I personally believe people go for the "status". They can gloat to others that they need to go to the gym. So they go and use the treadmill or bike, in reality they can do exactly the same thing for free outside, and buy a decent weights and gym set for cheap. But that's just my opinion.

So I exercise at home, go for bike rides, walks, etc.. Because I believe exercise is a very personal thing....

I can play recreational sports in front of crowds, but the gym is not a place I enjoy being at, for some reason.

I went to the gym for a few months, but it's just not for me...it's just a confronting place to go to when it probably should be a serene and ambient, relaxing place to go to, and I'm sure some gyms are like that, but who knows where they exist.

By the way, I know some personal trainers who don't like gyms...

Everyone is different.

Trust me. No one thinks bad of you at the gym as long as you're working out and you don't give up.

luiface said:

Trust me. No one thinks bad of you at the gym as long as you're working out and you don't give up.

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This is the whole problem though. Even if someone isn't working out and feels like giving up or feels like taking lots of rest, nobody should think bad of anything. What you have just said justifies my reasoning to avoid gyms...it's too intimidating when it should be a relaxing and ambient place to go for people to exercise in privacy or without those concerns...

Richey said:

Everyone is different.

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I guess so. I don't find the one I go to intimidating. Some people wear revealing clothing, some don't. Some are fit, some aren't.
I don't go for the status. I go to get some exercise done, and because I don't find myself skipping it when I don't feel like it, since it became a routine. I don't use the treadmill nor the bike, I find them both uncomfortable. I can't really run at a constant pace, I think I probably change my speed with every step when I'm running or something like that. I can't do those exercises outdoors because it gets pretty cold in the winter, and I can't do them inside because my house has a lot of dust (and I have dust allergy) and I don't have much space either.

I go to the gym when there aren't many people. I used to take music with me but I stopped doing that. I feel much more peaceful and calm when working out without my mp3, and going to the gym really gets my mind off my problems.

Oh and by the way, I can't really play recreational sports in front of crowds.

Richey said:

Even if someone isn't working out and feels like giving up or feels like taking lots of rest

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He's probably not talking about those, but instead those who only go to the gym once a month. I don't know, I guess my gym is a nice place (at least at the hours I go), everyone is just minding their own business. There are a few guys that talk to each other but they talk loud and you can tell they aren't talking about the people there, they're talking about their lives.

Thanks for your replies friends.

Today, when I went to the gym, I told myself that I am not here to be accept by others, and that I am here to work out and lose weight. It kind of worked. Yup, I was awkward but it didn't bring my morale down.

And as usual the gym attendant kept staring at me while scanning my membership card. But I tried my best to ignore and told myself that the gym attendant's opinion is not important to me. It worked too.

Hopefully, I can lose weight and get my dream image that I always wanted

Once again, thanks guys

Well done!

GOING to the gym has done nothing for my self esteem. ive lost at least 100lbs in the past 2 years and im actually in decent shape and have been a 4-5 times a week regular at the gym for years now .even when i was bigger ive always been a runner.

i know how you feel though . like my movements aren't natural and look forced .
I feel i have weird posture when people are looking at me and i do see people looking at me but its not cause I'm fat or hot cause im neither of those.

Well yeah, if your self-acceptance/esteem is still in the dump, and if you don't make progress on all the little aspects of social anxiety, it's not the gym that's gonna save you. Your attitude has to change along with the physical changes.

I go to the gym as well and I have experienced the same awkward eye contact that you have mentioned. I learned to just ignore them. If it get's a bit uncomfortable for you, I recommend you go a little bit early then usual to the gym. I usually go in the mornings at my school gym and it's usually empty.

So yes, just ignore them and keep going to the gym! Don't give up!

congrats on going to the gym and feeling better about it! i just started one today and it went alot better than i expected. listening to my mp3 player helped distract me from thinking people were looking at me (although all i did was walk on a treadmill, but still). i'm goin to try to go everyday to get in better shape.
here's to us stickin with it! *gatorades clack together*

gummybear22 said:

congrats on going to the gym and feeling better about it! i just started one today and it went alot better than i expected. listening to my mp3 player helped distract me from thinking people were looking at me (although all i did was walk on a treadmill, but still). i'm goin to try to go everyday to get in better shape.
here's to us stickin with it! *gatorades clack together*

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Congrats to you too gummybear! Nah, its alright, I also walk on the threadmill too. We can slowly move to running as well as other exercises.

Hopefully, we can get the ideal body shape that we wanted soon *gatorades clack together again*

No problem about just walking on the treadmill. I remember this one young guy, pretty thin, that used to spend a lot of time just walking there. The other day I saw him running. I don't know why he wasn't running before, but maybe his effort and consistency (I see them almost every time I go there) were rewarded.

But apart from that, I don't think anyone else really cared when he was just walking on the treadmill. People will look at you, but also at other people. There's not much else to look at when you're in the gym.