Problem with people staring at me in public settings

You guys get way too pissed at people staring when you probably zone out sometimes and do the same thing without noticing it. I've found myself staring at random people too, either because they're attractive, or because I'm very sleepy, or because there's some characteristic about them that made me stare unintentionally. It's really not a big deal unless you're extremely insecure.

I never get stared at in England, but then why would anyone stare at me, i'm just a 5'11 Caucasian male. I've been in India recently though and it's relentless, people looked at me like I was an Alien invader/celebrity. At first it's novel, then it gets annoying, then you just get used to it. I'm a guy though, I don't know how girls manage it, for them it's often overtly sexual, getting looked up and down, lots and lots of comments. If I want to look at a random attractive girl I atleast try to use subtle techniques, I don't just stop and look with a weird grin on my face.

The owner of a hotel there seemed to want to fight me because he thought I had stared/looked at him, that was weird, but apparently he is a nutter.

I awlays thought you're not supposed to just flat out stare at someone so when other people do it im kind of just thinking "wtf is your problem?!"....its kind of off-putting...but I think that has to do more with my own insecurities.

Personally, I try to keep my distance from people just out of courtesy but these days even an email or facebook message from someone you dont know is seen as creepy so that makes it even harder to approach someone in real life..Its hard to tell what different kinds of stares mean..I think SOME people often use staring as a way to get someones attention or to signify that they would like to interact with them but dont want to invade their space or approach them without permission....although, that doesnt work well for SOME people because it might be seen as intimidating..actually it seems like alot of completely innocent things that GUYS do can quickly be described as "weird" or "creepy"....anyway,I guess im just rambling now

I'm so sick of people staring. I get really upset about it since it makes me feel like a freak. I asked my family but they didn't notice them staring. Nor do they care. I know I shouldn't.

Just get out your camera phone, and take a pic of them. Creep the buggers!

But seriously, I just arch my eyebrows (as if to say: 'what do you want?'), and if they continue, then smirk and look away (not at the ground). Just dismiss them.

dooby-duck said:

I honestly wouldn't realise if anyone was staring at me. I just realised the other day that I just blank people out, I don't really look at them. We have people come in to where I work, and I couldn't describe what they look like. Sometimes even people I've spoken to. I suppose I do this to avoid issues like that.

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I'm the same way. I just figured hey, they just want to look and be aware or they see what they like or not, I don't know what they're thinking and I must remain calm. Deal with it. It's how I try to improve dealing with my anxiety as I always think someone is staring at me.

Hilken said:

Just get out your camera phone, and take a pic of them. Creep the buggers!

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GENIUS!
Pretending to take a photo of them is quite enough in my opinion, since the objective is to 'bother them back'.

Thanks god i found people with this problem too. I have it and i get so frustrated. I hate it most when people look at me in souspicious way like i'm going to steal something or do something illegal. I think this is mostly because i'm black and people alway stare suspicously at black people.

When i go to a store and see the clerk trying to stare at me secretivley i get pissed off. Once i had enough and told a security guard why you following me. The other situation which i fear is when there is parent around their little kids. I feel like they will think i'm going to do something bad to the kid. So i hate when i walk near the kid then the parent stares at me. This past week i had enough and now if they stare at me i will just stare at them deadlock till they look the f*ck away. I noticed people usually stare away if i keep glancing back them. But usually when i stare back deadlocked they look away, i think this is because i'm 6'3 and black, if their suspicious or fearful of me then i'm sure if i stare at them they will look away. But of course, i don't want to revert to this since all it's going to do is develop my anger.

I'm going to start observing people and seeing if they stare at people like they do to me so i can relax with this anger problem.

I think "understanding" is the key to overcoming all this. I mean, we can bitch & moan & get angry/enraged/outraged & try "getting back" at them & try to make them stop ... etc, etc, etc ... but i don't think any of that works, long-term anyway. We'll ALWAYS be coming across new people again & again & again, who will do exactly what those before them have done, and so we'll "have" to go thru all the above drama yet again "till the cows come home", and people will STILL be doing what they're doing (staring/ridiculing/etc). People CANNOT be changed by others, but it's ONLY THEM who can change, so really all the above is pointless. But i know that you gotta do what you gotta do, in such situations, that i understand all too well, being a victim of such stuff my whole life.

I almost got in a fight this week over this problem. I was having an incredibly bad day (full of suicidal thoughts) and wasn't in a good mood. I was entering the trolley station and saw this mexican dude sitting down starring at me around his friends, to be thoughfull i didn't stareback at him hoping he would look away but when i looked back i see him still starring at me so i got pissed and stareback at him and we deadlocked i knew it was serious now. We stared-down for 7-8 secs. As i walked past him i ask him "Do you need something? you f*cking b*tch". He replied something i didn't hear to people around him who laughed. I sat down on a bench not far behind him, there was a strong tension in the air. Shortly after he gets up for the arriving trolley and he tries to intentionally intimidate me by starring at me again (mad dogging) so i stare back and we had a stare down for about 10 secs. I thought he was going to come at me but he didn't do anything.

Moses199 said:

I almost got in a fight this week over this problem. I was having an incredibly bad day (full of suicidal thoughts) and wasn't in a good mood. I was entering the trolley station and saw this mexican dude sitting down starring at me around his friends, to be thoughfull i didn't stareback at him hoping he would look away but when i looked back i see him still starring at me so i got pissed and stareback at him and we deadlocked i knew it was serious now. We stared-down for 7-8 secs. As i walked past him i ask him "Do you need something? you f*cking b*tch". He replied something i didn't hear to people around him who laughed. I sat down on a bench not far behind him, there was a strong tension in the air. Shortly after he gets up for the arriving trolley and he tries to intentionally intimidate me by starring at me again (mad dogging) so i stare back and we had a stare down for about 10 secs. I thought he was going to come at me but he didn't do anything.

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I despise eye-contact. I've NEVER known the appropriate timing or whatever and I always end up just looking everywhere but at people. I don't get how everyone else just seems to know how that's done.

No joke, my heart began pounding just reading your message here. I commend you for being able to pull that off. I would've either ran away or pummeled him, all or nothing.

FountainandFairfax said:

I despise eye-contact. I've NEVER known the appropriate timing or whatever and I always end up just looking everywhere but at people. I don't get how everyone else just seems to know how that's done.

No joke, my heart began pounding just reading your message here. I commend you for being able to pull that off. I would've either ran away or pummeled him, all or nothing.

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Honestly i think he would've done something if it wasn't for my physical features. I'm 6'3 and athletically built, he was shorter and kind of fat. I normally don't curse people out when they intensely stare at me but that day i was having an extremely suicidal day and the last thing i needed was annoying prolong stares.