psychotherapy

Earthcircle

Well-known member
I had well over a decade of psychotherapy, and I long lost count of how many therapists I have had. If you total up all the time spent, I would guesstimate about 14 years. Definitely more than 12. But I completely failed. I did not improve in therapy. One therapist told me this is because I unconsciously equate therapists with my father and thus intentionally undermine the therapy in order to abuse and degrade the therapist. Consciously, I always tried very hard to make the therapy work, but unconsciously I was trying to make it fail and enjoying the thought that I was hurting someone in doing so. Now that I am almost 50, and have many years of failure to look back upon, how do I live with myself? How do I live with the fact that I failed in therapy and that it is my fault?
 

worrywort

Well-known member
You're not a failure if you tried your best. If you consciously worked hard then that's success in my view. I've always been dubious of "unconscious" explanations of behaviour, because they're really just guesses. They're often vague stabs in the dark with little to no evidence supporting them. How can you be sure this therapist is correct in his/her belief that you're deliberately sabotaging the sessions on some level? Could it not also be possible that the therapist is just not very good, or perhaps they're trying to take you places you don't want to go. Or perhaps there's something in you, something true and good, that you're protecting and unwilling to let go of until you feel safe and secure, and the therapist has failed to provide that environment for you? These are just theories too, but when you're looking into unconscious explanations, there's often a lot of different explanations that can all equally fit a situation.

Also I think these kinds of deep rooted unconscious struggles are common to everybody. I think it's just part of being human. We're all messed up! I know I've got loads of them and I can easily see me still struggling with them in 20, 30, 40 years time. I don't think it's a sign of failure. None of us have pure white canvases to start from. We all have dirty smeared canvases, but we take what we've got and try to turn it into something beautiful anyway.
 

Earthcircle

Well-known member
You're not a failure if you tried your best. If you consciously worked hard then that's success in my view. I've always been dubious of "unconscious" explanations of behaviour, because they're really just guesses. They're often vague stabs in the dark with little to no evidence supporting them. How can you be sure this therapist is correct in his/her belief that you're deliberately sabotaging the sessions on some level? Could it not also be possible that the therapist is just not very good, or perhaps they're trying to take you places you don't want to go. Or perhaps there's something in you, something true and good, that you're protecting and unwilling to let go of until you feel safe and secure, and the therapist has failed to provide that environment for you? These are just theories too, but when you're looking into unconscious explanations, there's often a lot of different explanations that can all equally fit a situation.

Also I think these kinds of deep rooted unconscious struggles are common to everybody. I think it's just part of being human. We're all messed up! I know I've got loads of them and I can easily see me still struggling with them in 20, 30, 40 years time. I don't think it's a sign of failure. None of us have pure white canvases to start from. We all have dirty smeared canvases, but we take what we've got and try to turn it into something beautiful anyway.

Your website looks interesting. I'm having some trouble though getting everything to load; probably just my browser or connection.
 

worrywort

Well-known member
Your website looks interesting. I'm having some trouble though getting everything to load; probably just my browser or connection.

Oh thanks. I know the "ghosts" section is down, but the rest seems to be working ok my end. I'm not sure :question:
 

worrywort

Well-known member
Ah, yea that part's hosted on a different server - zymic.com - and they've been really lame lately, but I just can't be bothered to switch servers again! Hopefully it'll be working again soon.
 

Earthcircle

Well-known member
I am back in therapy again, but this time without really meaning to be back in it. I was requesting sleeping pills from a clinic, and had been doing so for years. Finally, they quit obliging, and said if I wanted more pills to see a psychiatrist. So that is what I am doing, and this psychiatrist also does psychotherapy. So I'm back in therapy. He prescribed one new medication for me: Valdoxan. I had a very bad reaction, so now he is not prescribing anything, although he says I can take Ambien so long as I do so as seldom as possible. In lieu of medication, he thinks we should do therapy.

My concern is this: I am really not doing anything differently in therapy with him than I have with others in the past. So I will probably fail in therapy again. On the other hand, I really don't see what I'm doing wrong. This is what happens: He asks a question. I answer it. Then there is a long pause. I interpret this to mean that I am supposed to elaborate on my answer, which I try to do. If I can't think of anything fast enough, he asks another question. That's it. It seems like I'm doing precisely what I am expected to do, but I don't see how this is any different from what I have done in the past. I don't anticipate any progress, since this is really just like my therapy experiences in the past. It's not obvious to me what I should be doing that I'm not already doing.
 
Why don't you try doing something different this time?. That's what i'll be doing next time. Don't follow a system. Just follow your instincts. Discuss what seems the most urgent or important to dicuss. You ask the questions. You make the rules. Etc. :question:
 
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Earthcircle

Well-known member
Why don't you try doing something different this time?. That's what i'll be doing next time. Don't follow a system. Just follow your instincts. Discuss what seems the most urgent or important to dicuss. You ask the questions. You make the rules. Etc. :question:

I didn't want psychotherapy, this time. It's part of the bargain for my being able to get Ambien. As for my setting the agenda, I really don't even know what questions to ask, etc.
 
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