Q&A for people who can't talk

READ! I may not have anything new here, but I'm trying to understand more about Anxiety (in this case, Social Anxiety) and any feedback would be helpful. When you're having these "conversations" with people, what goes through your head, before, during and after. I'm on the brink of a cure here':lol:'.If I've been unclear, I'm mainly asking the people who really really cant talk to people, why can't you talk to people? Think about it if you will, and let me know.

Have a look at the rest of the posts, cause I plan to have revalations for all. I know, the arrogance.

The same that you would think if you were walking at the street with a dead bird tied at your neck.
But we don't need the dead bird to feel this way.

well, it's pretty complex but here is the best way i can describe it from my personal experiences.

before conversation:
nervousness, anticipation, the feeling you get when you are climbing a roller coaster, approaching the peak of the highest hill that will drop straight down. that is the feeling almost exactly.

during conversation:
it is like a split screen of output/input. on the output half of your mind it goes blank. you don't know what to say. it's like when you are trying to think of a certain word but you just can't remember it for the life of you. the output is too slow to gauge the appropriateness of anything you could say so the output comes across as blank, confused, or well-rehersed, generic, one-liner responses like "fine," or "yeah, sure" to cover for itself. the input half of your mind is running a million miles a second reading the other person's slightest facial expressions and interpreting them (whether it is true or not) as very negative. "omg. this person thinks i am stupid. they think i can't even talk. i am socially inept. they think i am awkward and a retard." on and on and on, so quickly.

after conversation:
you feel exhausted, embarrassed, and relieved it is over. you want to be by yourself to collect yourself and find peace.

a question for people who think they've got SA

There is a reason you can't talk to people, I'm talking to anybody really who has this problem. Its not as if you don't have anything to say. Please contribute with your thoughts on why you can't talk to people.

is like one million things go to your head ,u think what should u do ,why this and why that, ilusswionsw ,is like a drug or somethin

Replay

For me is not difficult to say, I´m getting used to fill in a paper where I write all this thoughts, to my phychologist.

Before a social situation, I used to have negatine antissipatory thoughts: Iwon´t be able to talk like the rest people. I hasn´t a place into this group. I haven´t anything interesting to say. I´m an alien. I will be stressed and uncomfortable. I will beging to swear and a tick in one of my eye.

During: I fell completelly unrelax and I don´t usually pay attention to what people are saying but their reactions towards me or what I supposed are their reactions towards me. I often interpret this reactions as negatives. So, I increase my uncomfortable and invite and excuse to go run away.

After the situation: My level of anxiety is higher. I feel very fustrated and I feel like a shit. I usually apply my lack of social abilities to the whole of mine and this is the right word. I feel like a shit.

Now, I´m learning how to analize these negative thoughts and look for clues againts and for these ones.
I´m following a process but it´s long.
Good luck!

I'm trying to protect myself. I'm so focused on controlling my thoughts and appearing normal that there is almost no room for something else, such as a conversation....

Also, I become extremely self-conscious of my facial expression. It is as if all my energy gets concentrated in my mind (and face) in a desperate attempt to appear normal and confident....

It all comes down to the feeling or thought that you're going to be rejected.

All comes down to not feeling accepted and liked by anyone.

Most of these thoughts are irrational, probably even from a biological cause, but sometimes its cause seems to be stemming from negative events in our upbringing. Things like being laughed at, bullied, rejected in a cruel way by girls, etc.

Lack of self worth.

Lack of motivation in life in general sometimes.

I'm a little intrigued by your claim that there is "a" cure, because this is a disease that seems to require lots of time and energy as opposed to a quick cure like from a pill or a few sessions with a psychologist.

I don't think of SA as a disease. I think of SA as a pattern. A patterned way of thinking and living that adds up to one big bowl of shit. This bowl of shit is camouflaged as a lifeboat with the word "Preservation" painted on it's side. SA sufferers are living life on the Titanic. The ship is sinking and we believe we must abandon ship in order to survive this ordeal called life. Sadly, the lifeboat we are so desperately swimming towards is but a mirage.

Those of us w/SA believe our existence in the world doesn't make sense. SA is our way to connect. To a world and "people" that we see as outside of ourselves. When life doesn't add up to our anticipations & expectations, we must find a way to make it/us fit.

I think words equal worlds. Actions equal reactions and thoughts equal reality. SA isn't a disease. SA is a way of living. A crappy way of living, granted but, a way. Anyone who says they have a "cure" might as well be selling potion from a bottle, imo, because the "cure" is quite simple, actually. It can't be sold. It can't be taught. It can only be realized.

Speaking for myself, it's not just the talking that's a problem but much more encompassing than that..the negative thoughts go through your mind or at least you feel very uncomfortable whenever you are around people, whether you are talking to them or not. That's my experience of SA at least..

What goes on in my head during a "conversation" is confusion confusion confusion!!! I can't talk to people because I am reallty afraid of it, but more than that, I can't don't to people because I honestly just have no idea how to do it. Even if i wasn't axious, I think I would still be like jkhrekjhwergewr. Confused, confused, confused. I am just so confused about everything.

I think it's fear of rejection.... When you're about to reach out to someone you just feel that they would leave you... that, they would just smile and say something sugary while actually all they feel is annoyance towards your goody goody and 'eager to please' behaviour... It wouldnt be that you hate such treatment on the contrary you actually like it cos it beats the 'You dont exist' vibe that other people give you... You feel that 'People always leave', so why bother reaching out to them... they may pretend to be your friends while they are there with you at work or school.... but once they move out it's 'game over'....

i dono the level what i am i just think its weird
before convos, with new people its heart pumping, not much talking, bit of a panic attack but i play it cool, walking off without saying goodbye...

for the people i do know i still just don't talk much but i am relaxed
for whaever friends i have left i'm alrite in terms of talking

but during all that and everyother time its like i'm not connected with myself. its like there is two differnt sides to me.

like the other day as i was driving, a good song came up and i started singing and i payed attention to my singing and couldn't belive that the voice i was hearing was me, u know what i mean? yeh its weird

Have you all at some point in your life suffered rejection, I'm talking about before you got this SA thing. At school or by your family or whatever the case is, I'm now asking about rejection.

no not really, i think it happend just as i hit adolecance it had something to do with my parents divorse but my psycyatrist explained it better

james, do you have any sa?? or did you join up just becuase you are curious?? their is nothing wrong with either answer

both, fortunately its not as bad as everybody else's, but yeah, I'm developing a method for overcoming it. Its in the early stages but there might be something in it. What's your situation?

People who've been rejected at some point, please share your stories!

This is more difficult to say: One thin is real rejection of people towards ua and another thing is what we live like rejection. I think a low self-steem is the cause of the problem. I´m nearly sure that all of us have been rejected in one on another way.

My case: Infant: My parents were too much busy to pay me the attention I need. My brother, like a male, recived more attention.
My grandmother made a proposition to my parents, giving me to my godfather and godmother who wasn´t able to have a baby.
I always feel my father like distant towards me.

Adolescence: I laid on my best friend and I used to live a very good life but my father never understand me and cut my wings all the time with unjust punishments.

Pre-adultness: I begun to develop a rejection towards me. I mean: I´m not good anough, and a bad girl, I´m ugly, I´m shy.
Then, I begun to reect people when they close to me. I was awarened of my shyness and I was fear to not accomplish the expectatives.

I have suffered bulling on my third school where I worked like a teacher.
It´s difficult to explain but although I don´t blame anyone about how I feel, this is my problem.

As a summary, I said to you that I reject people more than people reject me. Low self-steem is my real problem. Fears and less-confident is my real problem and looking for perfection in me and others. I sometimes think that I´m very selfish because I want people to pay me the attention that I don´t pay them. :x

JamesAnderson20 said:

both, fortunately its not as bad as everybody else's, but yeah, I'm developing a method for overcoming it. Its in the early stages but there might be something in it.

Click to expand...

So, James, your method won´t be useful for me, `cause I was 36 years old and I developed an avoidant Personality disorder.
But thank you, anyway

Azahara said:

JamesAnderson20 said:

both, fortunately its not as bad as everybody else's, but yeah, I'm developing a method for overcoming it. Its in the early stages but there might be something in it.

Click to expand...

So, James, your method won´t be useful for me, `cause I was 36 years old and I developed an avoidant Personality disorder.
But thank you, anyway

Click to expand...

Sorry bout that, I'm not sure what an avoidant personality disorder is, but it sounds bad.

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