SeekingToUnderstand

Hi all,

I'm only just beginning to realise at age 30 that I've been latently agoraphobic probably from about age 11/12 or something so I'm here to seek support I guess.
Does anyone else feel like if they go out they will be judged or ridiculed by others? Like no matter what I wear or what I look like I am odd, weird and strange and other people can see that? Even though I'm considered pretty and dress quite normally.
I also feel like I will freeze on the spot unable to go forward or back, on the way to wherever I'm going and then how will I get myself home? So I stay in.... Like I did today, I was supposed to walk to the local shops (10 min walk) for my parents who aren't well. I got as far as the front door, coat on and all, and just couldn't do it. I felt this overwhelming sense of dread and panic like something bad would happen to me if I went. I was afraid not only that I would freeze on the spot at some point on the way and not be able to pull myself together but that people would be horrid to me and judge me.
My mum just asked me if I would go to the shops for her tomorrow and she firmly believes that I will be fine. I've tried to tell her I don't know how I'll feel, given today, but they don't understand. She is annoyed with me and must think I'm so self centred.
I decided that a strategy would be to take our dog for a walk to get me out. The shops feel too far away right now and I can't take him to those. So after what happened today I decided I would make the shops a goal. I hadn't intended going before I was ready.
Why don't people understand that we can't just switch the panic off? That we have to be gradually exposed and reintroduced to the world that we are so afraid of?
I guess I'm seeking support, validation and likeminded folk.
Good to be here.
I'll register properly in a mo xxx

ChopinsFantasie

Never posted on a forum before, but anyway im 27 and have suffered with agoraphobia for 10 years. As well as other health problems i have spent 9 of the 10 years in my house, locking myself away from people and life in general, it's only the past 5 months after getting out of hospital (i collapsed with chest pains) that i have been making headway to getting my life up and running again. I think my agoraphobia started or was triggered by bullying and other problems at home, i don't know about other peoples feelings but i do know for me deep down it was all about feeling judged, as if every person i walked past would be looking at me and saying things behind my back. It was this feeling of insecurity that slowly made me take a step back from being open with people and just sliding into what i would say were shadows, just staying out of the way of people. That for me is how it all began, i started staying indoors for long periods, at first i would stay in for 2 days, then 4 then 7 and so on until it got to the point i was asked if everything was OK, funny really i was indoors for 4 months before anyone actually said how come you don't come outside? I didn't know the answer, being indoors made me feel safe and secure, no one judging me or insulting me, it became
my safe haven. After getting out of hospital and after meeting some great people whilst inside i realised i was missing out on life for the first time. What i didn't realise was that the hardest part was taking that first step to going back out and rejoining society, i have had some tell me its so easy but it's not, to even think about the simplest of things like walking outside my own house seems to be more of a nightmare to me, i still think people have a problem with me and are waiting outside to judge, some things never change. Then again it doesn't help the fact i live in a predominantly violent area were the slightest difference to what is considered the 'norm' is treated with disdain and shouts of abuse

Sorry for rambling, i was only going to respond with a sentence, guess im trying to say for me it was all about how i was treated by people that triggered my agoraphobia.

-hermit-

Don't worry mate I haven't been out my house in over a year, just don't let your self get that far gone. If you get to the door and feel that same feeling again just open the door and step out and if you can't go any further just go back. Small steps are the way forward.

Misterhopefull

Some of you guys should PM me, let's talk about how ridiculous this is, you know, how we ended up in this situation. How do we do it? Staying home all the time, sometimes i laugh about it because if i don't get it, how will other people?

Hocuspocus

I'm so glad i read this post. I've never thought of myself as agoraphobic because i will go out if someone comes with me but this is exactly how i feel.
It sounds ridiculous but I'm convinced that if i go anywhere on my own people will stare and laugh at me or say nasty things. I'm fine if someone is with me though.
It became so bad that i wouldnt even take the rubbish to the bin or pull weeds in the front garden coz i didn't want anyone to see me.
I think the only way to overcome it is with baby steps. It's not a big achievement but i can now take the rubbish out (whoopee do!) and today I'm going to try and pull weeds in the front garden. Once i can do that comfortably I'm going to get one of my children to wait for me at the top of the road then walk up to them on my own. I'm gonna take it slowly but hopefully i'll overcome it one day, then i can start on my other numerous phobias and anxieties!
Anyway, good luck. I hope you can overcome this. I know how horrible it is and you have my sympathy *hug*

The longest journey starts with a first step.....

mmmm

I went through a thing where i was afraid of what people on the "outside " would think. but it didn't take too long to reasise that if i stayed at home moping around, i always ended up saying crappy, nasty things to myself anyway. Now, when i go out, i tell myself, wow, you're doing it! Which makes other peoples opinions seem so what-the-hell-ever. And you know, most people are sort of nice (when they're not bloody terrifying)

dream

Wow, i have found the longer you're housebound, the longer & harder it is to get out at all.I have found that since im not working or in school there's really no point to go outdoors well that's what i tell myself, I have been struggling on and off again with depression/social anxiety/agoraphobia for 9yrs now.I know what its like to go shopping or the movies or anywhere and feeling like im free i overcame this disorder once and for all!So i know i will get through this once and for all i just have to seek the soultion