Curls

One thing I've noticed is that I can talk easier when I am one-on-one with someone but with a group, I tend to just shut my mouth--this can be difficult with a class because everyone just ends up thinking that I'm quiet and boring, form false opinions on me and leave it at that. When I was younger, it was a lot worse...I was researching selective mutism and some people suggested that it could've been that when I was younger? I'm not so sure about that...all I knew was that I always wished I could speak in groups but my body wouldn't allow me to...my body would clamp up and it always felt like my voice was locked up. I was wondering if anyone else has this similar problem with groups? How do you guys cope?

limetree

I can relate, it does feel like a natural physiological response where my throat locks up and my mind goes blank- not always out of overwhelming anxiety, although shyness is still there.. it's more like a habit energy of inhibition.

I occasionally try to throw in a comment here and there in groups but people look at me as if I shouldn't be speaking, as if I just said "want to see my third ear?" It's probably just paranoia but I really don't like to make a random impression.. I wish I was comfortable in a pattern of belonging where I knew my input was securely valued. We distract ourselves from keeping up with the moment when focusing on hypotheticals of what the person could be judging us for when they're the ones trying to reach out and learn about those around them (often the ones we're interested in but are too shy to approach). This focus sometimes feels as numb as an ingrained "comfort zone." I'm not always thinking about those insecurities, but they've translated into instinctual reactions.

My main fear in this context is opening my mouth and proving that I'm boring rather than remaining mysterious. How's it working for me? Not well. People can't *conclude* that you are dull and boring but they might feel insecure that you aren't talking because you don't like them. Studies show we tend to respond more positively to those who express that they like us.

I cope by standing on the periphery of groups, looking preoccupied to feel less humiliated/rejected, sticking to one on one situations, scanning for smaller groups with people I'm selectively more comfortable with. :S I can't offer any magical cure/insight but you're not alone!

Perfidion

I can relate. I'm witty and interesting in one-on-one situations, and I can talk the arse off an elephant, but take me to a party and I just die. That part of me that's talkative and funny just shuts down and I end up standing in a corner like Johnny-No-Mates.

Suffice to say, I don't make a habit of going to parties.

lyricalliaisons

I have the problem with anyone, whether in groups or one on one. Though it a little easier one on one.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” _Dr. Seuss

gsmax5

I was actually going to make a post about this, but you beat me to it.

Group conversations really suck because no one cares about what I have to say, I think it's my voice. I'll start to say something and then some loudmouth jerk will just interrupt me. I'm usually the only one who never "gets" to say anything in group conversations.

antipop621

I can sure relate to this. Make the group bigger than 4 people and I might as well not even be there.

Hey,

Let's be friends!

Sloth

I find it much easier one on one. I find it much easier one on one if there is no one else within earshot as well, so I don't have to worry about others overhearing.

I've often been in group of strangers where everyone has been too scared to initiate a conversation. I find the silence so uncomfortable that I'll be first to pipe up. Once everyone gets going, I'll be too afraid to get a word in.

Curls

SAME!! It's so annoying because if I even get the courage to begin to say something, I would get cut off...it's embarrassing sometimes because I'm not assertive enough...

lurknomore

I can never seem to find a way to jump into group conversations- I keep waiting for a time when I won't be "interrupting" someone else, and the requisite pause never happens, or if it does, what I have to say is no longer relevant to the conversation. I also have trouble in larger groups, because I have a hard time keeping up with a conversation if there is a lot of background noise or more than one person talking at the same time. I can't focus on the person speaking, and then I'm afraid of speaking up because I haven't heard everything that was said, and don't want to say something irrelevant and/or repetitive. Arrrggghhh.

gsmax5

YEAH!!!

No one ever pauses, so I never get to say what I want.