Reasons i avoid making friends

recluse

Well-known member
Here are reasons i avoid making friends/avoid socializing -

1) I am embarassed of people getting to know i have no job, no friends, never had a girlfriend, don't go out, no life etc.

2) I am afraid of commitment i.e having to devote time to friends, having friends phoning me, visiting me, interupting my routine.

3) I am afriad of being pushed into things that makes me uncomfortable for example going to clubs and so on. A female friend of mine mentioned going to a disco when i visited her and i started to panic..I'm glad she changed her mind.

4) I dislike having to think of things to talk about all the time, and having to feel i have to be fun to be with. I often think i have to say funny things to be accpeted.

5) I feel inferior to everyone especially outgoing extroverts/people who have lives.

6) I distrust most people.

7) People talking about sex makes me feel uncomfortable as i can't relate, and if i did it would be no one elses business.

8) I am against drugs and don't ever get drunk. I used to have a workmate who would drag me out sometimes and he used to do drugs which made me feel uncomfortable.
 
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gustavofring

Well-known member
Hey, Recluse.

I feel the same thing. I do have some friends, but I really feel we're growing apart and the friendship is quite shallow (gaming, movies etc).
I can especially relate to the feeling of having "no life". This feeds the depression and sustains the depression. It's hard to snap out of it. How can you get friends, if you feel like $hit daily. How can you get a job if the rest of your life is pretty much down the drain and you're emotionally shattered and anxious. It's a Chicken or the Egg situation. Maybe it's because of endured depression that your brain-chemistry changes and you become increasingly intolerable of being around people.

I've realised though that action needs to be undertaken, otherwise it will continue like this. I am now in the process of looking for a job and it goes with ups and downs.
I'm entirely not motivated and sometimes sick of life in general, but I do have hope, and some spiritual teaching and meditation helps me be more accepting of the situation as it is. I try to practice this while or inbetween writing motivation letters and it helps me be more calm and not be so miserable all the time (and not believing the "pathetic me" story that runs through my head). It's not going to be perfect, but a job is a necessity for income. I also feel like it will give me some self-confidence and momentum to build up the social aspects of life again.

I hope you hang in there.
 

Section_31

Well-known member
I havnt had a real "friend" in a very long time, and it honestly doesnt bother me. There are people i know, aqquaintences, i know my neighbours, say hi to them, ect,. but we never hang out. I just like being able to do what i want when i want without having to explain to anyone.

That said though, i do share all the same reasons as you. I like my friends being online lol.
 

cowboyup

Well-known member
Here are reasons i avoid making friends/avoid socializing -

1) I am embarassed of people getting to know i have no job, no friends, never had a girlfriend, don't go out, no life etc.

2) I am afraid of commitment i.e having to devote time to friends, having friends phoning me, visiting me, interupting my routine.

3) I am afriad of being pushed into things that makes me uncomfortable for example going to clubs and so on. A female friend of mine mentioned going to a disco when i visited her and i started to panic..I'm glad she changed her mind.

4) I dislike having to think of things to talk about all the time, and having to feel i have to be fun to be with. I often think i have to say funny things to be accpeted.

5) I feel inferior to everyone especially outgoing extroverts/people who have lives.

6) I distrust most people.

7) People talking about sex makes me feel uncomfortable as i can't relate, and if i did it would be no one elses business.

8) I am against drugs and don't ever get drunk. I used to have a workmate who would drag me out sometimes and he used to do drugs which made me feel uncomfortable.


@Recluse - Holy rice and beans! My thoughts exactly as to some reasons why I avoid it as well.
a funny story regarding number 8. So, when I had a job, some spare change to spend and co-worker/friend, as me if I'd like to go see a Joan Jett concert at the Hard Rock I said sure, no problem. Well, we get there and like you, I don't drink or do drugs. I was in my mid thirties at the time and never drank. Well, the girl I went with went to the bar and ordered herself a drink, and asked what I'd like. I told her I don't drink, and said I'll have a coke. Well, she looks at me like I was bat crap crazy, and said, 'well, I'll go easy since it's your first time, how about a rum and coke.' That was the first time I ever drank alcohol - as Sheldon Cooper would say, "it tasted funny"

I joke about my 'sippy cup of vodka' since I watch kids all day, but it's just all talk.

So, yup! You hit the nail on the head!
I can SO relate.
 

laure15

Well-known member
Those reasons ring true for me too. I have too little in common with many people so why befriend them? If we try to be friends, our friendship will quickly fall apart because we don't share the same interests, hobbies, values, personality, etc .

1) I am embarassed of people getting to know i have no job, no friends, never had a girlfriend, don't go out, no life etc.

This is what gets me a lot. I'm afraid to admit to people all of the above because I don't want to be called a loser or even worse, a weirdo.
 

takeheart

Well-known member
I just think I'm boring hence why I have no friends but it does not bother me at all because I have been lonely for long time anyway. I'm used to it actually :)
 

recluse

Well-known member
Hey, Recluse.

I feel the same thing. I do have some friends, but I really feel we're growing apart and the friendship is quite shallow (gaming, movies etc).
I can especially relate to the feeling of having "no life". This feeds the depression and sustains the depression. It's hard to snap out of it. How can you get friends, if you feel like $hit daily. How can you get a job if the rest of your life is pretty much down the drain and you're emotionally shattered and anxious. It's a Chicken or the Egg situation. Maybe it's because of endured depression that your brain-chemistry changes and you become increasingly intolerable of being around people.

I've realised though that action needs to be undertaken, otherwise it will continue like this. I am now in the process of looking for a job and it goes with ups and downs.
I'm entirely not motivated and sometimes sick of life in general, but I do have hope, and some spiritual teaching and meditation helps me be more accepting of the situation as it is. I try to practice this while or inbetween writing motivation letters and it helps me be more calm and not be so miserable all the time (and not believing the "pathetic me" story that runs through my head). It's not going to be perfect, but a job is a necessity for income. I also feel like it will give me some self-confidence and momentum to build up the social aspects of life again.

I hope you hang in there.

Exactly, when you feel like crap all the time the last thing you want to do is be with other people.

Any potential friends i have avoided untill they give up and stop contacting me. I'm sure people think i hate them because i avoid them when i don't hate THEM i just can't handle being with people.
 

recluse

Well-known member
I havnt had a real "friend" in a very long time, and it honestly doesnt bother me. There are people i know, aqquaintences, i know my neighbours, say hi to them, ect,. but we never hang out. I just like being able to do what i want when i want without having to explain to anyone.

That said though, i do share all the same reasons as you. I like my friends being online lol.

Years ago i used to be in a cycling club but i slowly lost interest when i went to college and started working. I started cycling again 2 years ago and got myself fit again, some guys from my old club see me out riding alone sometimes and they'll be riding the opposite way or whatever. They have pleaded with me to rejoin but i can't face being social, i just want to ride alone in peace. I feel bad because people try hard with me but i push them away.

I used to work in a store and a lady who lives near me also worked there, i talked to her about how i felt like moving away and starting afresh and she said ''don't you think you better try and go out with friends first?'' :kickingmyself: I feel that everyone judges me for being a recluse and a loner, and living in a close knit community is awful with people watching my every move.
 

recluse

Well-known member
@Recluse - Holy rice and beans! My thoughts exactly as to some reasons why I avoid it as well.
a funny story regarding number 8. So, when I had a job, some spare change to spend and co-worker/friend, as me if I'd like to go see a Joan Jett concert at the Hard Rock I said sure, no problem. Well, we get there and like you, I don't drink or do drugs. I was in my mid thirties at the time and never drank. Well, the girl I went with went to the bar and ordered herself a drink, and asked what I'd like. I told her I don't drink, and said I'll have a coke. Well, she looks at me like I was bat crap crazy, and said, 'well, I'll go easy since it's your first time, how about a rum and coke.' That was the first time I ever drank alcohol - as Sheldon Cooper would say, "it tasted funny"

I joke about my 'sippy cup of vodka' since I watch kids all day, but it's just all talk.

So, yup! You hit the nail on the head!
I can SO relate.

I do like to drink but i don't like being drunk. I just don't see the point in spending the next day puking my guts out and staying in bed all day.
 

recluse

Well-known member
Those reasons ring true for me too. I have too little in common with many people so why befriend them? If we try to be friends, our friendship will quickly fall apart because we don't share the same interests, hobbies, values, personality, etc .



This is what gets me a lot. I'm afraid to admit to people all of the above because I don't want to be called a loser or even worse, a weirdo.

I find it hard to relate to anyone even if they have the same hobbies.

I rather avoid people than face the dreaded ''so what do you do for a living'' question.
 

recluse

Well-known member
I just think I'm boring hence why I have no friends but it does not bother me at all because I have been lonely for long time anyway. I'm used to it actually :)

I think i am boring too. No one should want a friend like me who does not go out.
 

THeCARS1979

Well-known member
I always want to beware of people because I always seem to think Im going to get backstabbed, picked at , and ridiculed so for that I am reluctant. old friends have played games with me before so i guess you can I kind of gave up after awhile
 
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jaim38

Well-known member
Yeah, I'm not sure if I can be a good friend to people because if they invite me to brithday parties or to shop at the mall, I will look like a cheapskate because I'm unemployed and can't afford to buy stuff. Several times when I hang out with people, people pay the tab for me and it makes me feel like a leech. I also don't like owing people too much. It's the same thing with dating; if you want to date someone, you gotta have money in order to buy your date flowers, presents, dinners, etc. You also need money to take the bus or drive your date around in a car.
 

Koime

Active member
This describes me pretty well. People think that I have a problem making friends, which is true, but I also seem to have a problem wanting to have friends. That totally sucks doesn't it, because friends are something you feel like you should have and you want sometimes, but you also just want to avoid it. Damn, how complex.
 

Metal_isthe_Answer

Well-known member
Here are reasons i avoid making friends/avoid socializing -

1) I am embarassed of people getting to know i have no job, no friends, never had a girlfriend, don't go out, no life etc.

2) I am afraid of commitment i.e having to devote time to friends, having friends phoning me, visiting me, interupting my routine.

3) I am afriad of being pushed into things that makes me uncomfortable for example going to clubs and so on. A female friend of mine mentioned going to a disco when i visited her and i started to panic..I'm glad she changed her mind.

4) I dislike having to think of things to talk about all the time, and having to feel i have to be fun to be with. I often think i have to say funny things to be accpeted.

5) I feel inferior to everyone especially outgoing extroverts/people who have lives.

6) I distrust most people.

7) People talking about sex makes me feel uncomfortable as i can't relate, and if i did it would be no one elses business.

8) I am against drugs and don't ever get drunk. I used to have a workmate who would drag me out sometimes and he used to do drugs which made me feel uncomfortable.

1. Most of this is relateable to me, except I get more embarrassed by where i work and that I live with my dad.

2. Maybe not so much for me, I want to spend time with the friends I have, but they have their...mistresses and I'm kind of just sitting here with nothing to do.

3. Something I can definitely relate to, I dont drink or smoke, and its very hard for me to meet people who are similar.

4. Im no good at thinking of things to say, also, Ive got nothing to say anyway.

5, 6, and 7. Agree 100%
 

EscapeArtist

Well-known member
Well, that was a pretty spot on analysis! I agree with nearly every single one and I think you named the most common ones. I guess each one of these things needs to be worked on, but even when one is mildly conquered, we will generally feel more comfortable than normal around people. So that is hopeful...
 

razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
1) I am embarassed of people getting to know i have no job, no friends, never had a girlfriend, don't go out, no life etc.

This all the way. So why don't I just get a job already?! Of course, a job would not solve all my problems, but it would be a start. A really good one.

I've realised though that action needs to be undertaken, otherwise it will continue like this.

Yup, 'cause this can go on forever. I have lived the past three, four years, heck, a whole decade feeling like this. It only gets worse :sad:

I rather avoid people than face the dreaded ''so what do you do for a living'' question.

And this is what I have been doing. The last job I had I was embarrassed by. But having no job is worse than having a crappy job I've learned.

My situation could really change if I got a job. I have no debt, no addictions. I could really change my life. So, why don't I? :kickingmyself:
 

Dreamer_Owl

Member
Here are reasons i avoid making friends/avoid socializing -
1) I am embarassed of people getting to know i have no job, no friends, never had a girlfriend, don't go out, no life etc.

2) I am afraid of commitment i.e having to devote time to friends, having friends phoning me, visiting me, interupting my routine.

3) I am afriad of being pushed into things that makes me uncomfortable for example going to clubs and so on. A female friend of mine mentioned going to a disco when i visited her and i started to panic..I'm glad she changed her mind.

The 1st is really a problem, some kind of vicious circle, i don't have any friends because when someone gets to know that i have no friends, he/she is not interested in making friends with me anymore :idontknow:
 

jaim38

Well-known member
Wow, it's been a while since I posted on this thread. Rereading my post makes me laugh at myself for some reason. Even though I'm unemployed I do have money saved up, and sometimes my parents give me money. When I go out with my friend, perhaps once in every 6 months or so, I try to split up the tab whenever possible, or just pay for something to avoid looking like a cheapskate.
 
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