ScaredToBreathe
Well-known member
I don't have any friends or anyone I feel comfortable talking to about this, so I am hoping you guys could give me some advice, opinions, or your past experiences. I have been in a relationship for about 3 years but for the past few months I have been thinking of whether I should break it off or not. I have no idea whether that would help or hurt me in the long run.
So we've had a pretty good relationship and have lived together for most of it (and are still living together). He was my first serious and long-term relationship, first true love, first person I've lived together with, and first (and only) intimate partner. I know he loves me, he has never cheated or been interested in anyone else, and he has never abused me in any way. He also knows I get very depressed and sometimes anxious and he is very supportive and empathetic about that; he has never made me feel ashamed about my disorders.
However, during the time we've been together he has not been able to get a job. He has tried applying to places and even going to interviews, but never lands a job. But he has barely any work experience and does not use employment opportunity/guidance resources available to him. He makes a low amount of money currently and is terrible managing his finances, we have talked about this and even worked out a budget to follow but he still spends all his money on things that aren't necessary. He has zero savings, is usually late to pay rent, and many times can't even come up with his share to pay for things like groceries (and owes me money for covering some of his expenses when he wasn't making enough to pay for himself, although he does pay me back small amounts when he can and has been trustworthy about it). This makes it very stressful on me, as I am a student and only work a part-time min wage job. I haven't even had enough to buy groceries the past few weeks and have been eating barely anything, or buying cheap snacks to eat when I can.
He also does not get things done that need to be done. For example: not cleaning up after himself regularly, not helping with household chores, not keeping track of important documents and things (he has a habit of losing/misplacing things), not saving enough funds to help with our monthly expenses, and not getting around to things he said he will do (either for himself or me, or both of us). Even when I remind him about things or ask him for help with something, he will say yes he will get it done but he never does. I also hate complaining and nagging him about things but he just never seems to take action or have any motivation to change. It is very frustrating.
I have talked with him multiple times about these issues and he says he knows and he's trying and feels bad and that he will try to change, etc. But things just stay the same, no matter what I tell him or do for him. I have also tried helping him many, many times to try to make things easier on him, including getting him job interviews, helping him with his resume, taking him out on dates/to do something together, helping him organize things and getting information/doing research on things for him to reach his goals, encouraging him, finding helpful/supportive resources or services he can use, etc. (He won't do these things himself!)
I know him well and I can see he wants to help. He is not using me or having bad intentions. He is a genuinely nice and caring person but he has difficulty getting started on things and achieving goals/being productive. He is in his mid-twenties and does not know what he wants as a career or how to go about finding the right path. (I can't even think of anything he would do well at and enjoy, especially because he never really did well in school subjects and does not have any passions that might guide him to a certain career, though he does want to go back to school...he just doesn't know for what.)
Sorry this is so long. It is complicated for me. Basically, our relationship isn't terrible, but it is not great either. I've done everything I can and given him lots of time but he still hasn't changed his ways. I am not sure if I love him anymore, but my life has also been very stressful lately so that may be why I feel a lack of emotion. I definitely don't feel like dating anyone else. If we broke up, I know I'd be depressed and would not want to date for a long time. I do care about him and enjoy being around him. We also share similar interests and get along well; we don't have many fights or anything and have mutual understanding of one another. He is also my best and only friend and the person I confide in the most, so it would be hard on me to let that go. I have tried to make new friends but it hasn't worked out, and I don't have anyone. I would move back in with my parents if we broke up and I think that would be less stressful. I do feel fed up and like I've done every possible thing I could to help my boyfriend be more productive and to make things work out living like this. Stress and frustration has been taking its toll on me and I do not feel a strong emotional connection with my boyfriend like I used to. I have told him how I feel and that I am done. I have told him how frustrated I am and what issues I have. He didn't respond much, just asked why and seemed confused and a bit upset, and went to (get his mind off things?) play video games. I don't know what to do and am still thinking about it. We have at least until the end of the year when our lease is up and then I'd be free to move out (I also discussed with him that I am open to/maybe moving back to my parents').
What do you guys think? (Again, sorry it's so long! I just wanted to explain the situation and my feelings as clearly as possible.)
So we've had a pretty good relationship and have lived together for most of it (and are still living together). He was my first serious and long-term relationship, first true love, first person I've lived together with, and first (and only) intimate partner. I know he loves me, he has never cheated or been interested in anyone else, and he has never abused me in any way. He also knows I get very depressed and sometimes anxious and he is very supportive and empathetic about that; he has never made me feel ashamed about my disorders.
However, during the time we've been together he has not been able to get a job. He has tried applying to places and even going to interviews, but never lands a job. But he has barely any work experience and does not use employment opportunity/guidance resources available to him. He makes a low amount of money currently and is terrible managing his finances, we have talked about this and even worked out a budget to follow but he still spends all his money on things that aren't necessary. He has zero savings, is usually late to pay rent, and many times can't even come up with his share to pay for things like groceries (and owes me money for covering some of his expenses when he wasn't making enough to pay for himself, although he does pay me back small amounts when he can and has been trustworthy about it). This makes it very stressful on me, as I am a student and only work a part-time min wage job. I haven't even had enough to buy groceries the past few weeks and have been eating barely anything, or buying cheap snacks to eat when I can.
He also does not get things done that need to be done. For example: not cleaning up after himself regularly, not helping with household chores, not keeping track of important documents and things (he has a habit of losing/misplacing things), not saving enough funds to help with our monthly expenses, and not getting around to things he said he will do (either for himself or me, or both of us). Even when I remind him about things or ask him for help with something, he will say yes he will get it done but he never does. I also hate complaining and nagging him about things but he just never seems to take action or have any motivation to change. It is very frustrating.
I have talked with him multiple times about these issues and he says he knows and he's trying and feels bad and that he will try to change, etc. But things just stay the same, no matter what I tell him or do for him. I have also tried helping him many, many times to try to make things easier on him, including getting him job interviews, helping him with his resume, taking him out on dates/to do something together, helping him organize things and getting information/doing research on things for him to reach his goals, encouraging him, finding helpful/supportive resources or services he can use, etc. (He won't do these things himself!)
I know him well and I can see he wants to help. He is not using me or having bad intentions. He is a genuinely nice and caring person but he has difficulty getting started on things and achieving goals/being productive. He is in his mid-twenties and does not know what he wants as a career or how to go about finding the right path. (I can't even think of anything he would do well at and enjoy, especially because he never really did well in school subjects and does not have any passions that might guide him to a certain career, though he does want to go back to school...he just doesn't know for what.)
Sorry this is so long. It is complicated for me. Basically, our relationship isn't terrible, but it is not great either. I've done everything I can and given him lots of time but he still hasn't changed his ways. I am not sure if I love him anymore, but my life has also been very stressful lately so that may be why I feel a lack of emotion. I definitely don't feel like dating anyone else. If we broke up, I know I'd be depressed and would not want to date for a long time. I do care about him and enjoy being around him. We also share similar interests and get along well; we don't have many fights or anything and have mutual understanding of one another. He is also my best and only friend and the person I confide in the most, so it would be hard on me to let that go. I have tried to make new friends but it hasn't worked out, and I don't have anyone. I would move back in with my parents if we broke up and I think that would be less stressful. I do feel fed up and like I've done every possible thing I could to help my boyfriend be more productive and to make things work out living like this. Stress and frustration has been taking its toll on me and I do not feel a strong emotional connection with my boyfriend like I used to. I have told him how I feel and that I am done. I have told him how frustrated I am and what issues I have. He didn't respond much, just asked why and seemed confused and a bit upset, and went to (get his mind off things?) play video games. I don't know what to do and am still thinking about it. We have at least until the end of the year when our lease is up and then I'd be free to move out (I also discussed with him that I am open to/maybe moving back to my parents').
What do you guys think? (Again, sorry it's so long! I just wanted to explain the situation and my feelings as clearly as possible.)
