Running into People from the Past - Page 2

randomguy19 · 07-03-2009, 02:50 AM

I'm glad more replied to this post. I'm also glad that I'm not alone. The ironic thing is, a lot of us are probably doing a lot better than those from our past that now have children and married to someone they will eventually divorce.

mogs · 07-03-2009, 03:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theblank

A few years back I was at the library and unexpectedly ran into a guy I used to hang out with 20 years ago. He'd lost a ton of weight and I didn't recognize him, but he recognized me immediately. He proudly told me he was married, had 3 kids, a big house, a good job and was doing well. Then he asked me what I was up to and the humiliation fest began. After a LONG, AWKWARD pause I NERVOUSLY told him that I wasn't doing so good and was just trying to get my life together. I was still single, no kids, unemployed, living with my parents and literally losing my mind. I could see a smirk on his face and I knew he thought I was a total loser. God knows I thought I was one too. I wanted to get away from him as quickly as possible so I told him I had to get going (I was at the library doing research). But instead of going back to my research, I jumped into my car and sped off to a different part of town. I went into a drugstore where I walked around aimlessly trying to deal with my feelings. As I walked out who did I run into again? The same guy. He looked at me like he was confused and said I thought you had to do research? After another awkward pause I told him that I had finished it. He smirked again and shook his head. I couldn't believe I'd been humiliated twice within a 10 minute period by a guy I hadn't seen in 20 years. It was awful.

I'm sorry, but that is not really a "friend" to treat you like that! It reflects badly on him to do that.
You are not a loser if you don't give up trying to fix these things, just in a jam for the moment, temporarily.

Noca · 07-03-2009, 03:25 AM

Running into people I know is one of the most anxiety provoking situations there are for me.

Flowers-Of-Bloom · 07-03-2009, 03:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by randomguy19

The ironic thing is, a lot of us are probably doing a lot better than those from our past that now have children and married to someone they will eventually divorce.

Exactly! If that's a "life" then the world's perception is warped...
Most people regret getting married/kids these days... it just locks them in. But uhh... but that's for another topic...

I met my former-good friend last week. It was only brief, since there were a lot of people and loud music (ok, it was a club) but yeah. We couldn't really hear each other... And then she had to go... But overall it was fine. We've both changed so much that she barely recognised me, which I take as a compliment!

Illusions · 07-03-2009, 04:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theblank

A few years back I was at the library and unexpectedly ran into a guy I used to hang out with 20 years ago. He'd lost a ton of weight and I didn't recognize him, but he recognized me immediately. He proudly told me he was married, had 3 kids, a big house, a good job and was doing well. Then he asked me what I was up to and the humiliation fest began. After a LONG, AWKWARD pause I NERVOUSLY told him that I wasn't doing so good and was just trying to get my life together. I was still single, no kids, unemployed, living with my parents and literally losing my mind. I could see a smirk on his face and I knew he thought I was a total loser. God knows I thought I was one too. I wanted to get away from him as quickly as possible so I told him I had to get going (I was at the library doing research). But instead of going back to my research, I jumped into my car and sped off to a different part of town. I went into a drugstore where I walked around aimlessly trying to deal with my feelings. As I walked out who did I run into again? The same guy. He looked at me like he was confused and said I thought you had to do research? After another awkward pause I told him that I had finished it. He smirked again and shook his head. I couldn't believe I'd been humiliated twice within a 10 minute period by a guy I hadn't seen in 20 years. It was awful.

Well that sucks, sorry you had to face that, he sounds like a real piece of work.

Usually when I see people from my past I either 1) smile at the ones I was previously on good terms with but not stop to talk, 2) ignore them and walk away quickly, hoping they didn't notice I was there. More of (1) though.

NormanBates · 07-03-2009, 05:25 AM

Somebody from my past lives right across the street from me. Haven't spoken to this person in ten years. But it is always soooo awkward if we happen to be outside at the same time. I know it's silly because all I have to do is yell something to break the tension.

theblank · 07-03-2009, 02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mogs

I'm sorry, but that is not really a "friend" to treat you like that! It reflects badly on him to do that.
You are not a loser if you don't give up trying to fix these things, just in a jam for the moment, temporarily.

Agreed, this person was not a true friend. To me a true friend, whether you see them a lot or barely at all, is someone who is on your side and supportive of you even when you go through hard times. In my life I've found that the majority of my "friends" have been fair weather friends at best because when I've gone through hard times I've looked around and there has been no one there for me.

I have not given up and I will not give up. If the world wants to judge and condemn me that's fine, but I'm going to keep on fighting and try and find a way to make my life better and worth living. I'm 3 years removed from the situation I described and I thank God every day that I'm not in that hellish situation anymore.

Thanks to you and the others who have replied to my post.

WelshOne · 07-03-2009, 02:34 PM

The fear of running into old friends from school is the whole reason Im so terrified of going into my local town. I havent walked through this town in about 6 years... except on 3 occasions fairly recently where my psychologist has "pushed" me into going with her to a cafe lol.

I dont mind seeing old friends when Im just driving past in my car, though, because I dont have to stop and talk. I do worry that people will notice Im always alone in my car though, and talk about that with other people (paranoia?)

hippiechild · 07-03-2009, 03:01 PM

Yeah, I can see how that might be quite disturbing. I mean, you thought that they were gone for good and now they're staring you straight in the eye! Creepy huh? I wouldn't mind meeting Timothy Leary, John Lennon or Charles Guthrie though. Freud too, he seems like a pretty neat guy.

But seriously, I think that I know what you mean. It doesn't even matter if they were friends or people that disliked me, I avoid them all. I think that there are a few reasons for this. Firstly, people want to talk after not having seen you for a long time. It's an unstoppable force! They WILL come and talk. Secondly, They already know me and have preconceived notions about how I am and what I do. I have no chance for a first impression, they already got that. Unless I adopt a totally different persona, they'll still cling to their old experiences. Third and lastly, the interaction with people from the past works as an anchor to the thoughts and emotions that I had when I last saw them... most of which are anxiety, loneliness, self doubt and a general sense of inferiority. Talking to my old friends puts me in the state of mind that I was in when I last knew them. Hell, even driving through the parking lot of my old school brings me a bizarre cocktail of emotion.

On the other hand, I've changed drastically since anyone has known me. It's hard to tell since I haven't made social contact in so long, but I feel oh so much more worthy now. In fact, apart from still being cripplingly shy, most people wouldn't be able to recognize me as the same person. In this way, I keep them from connecting me up with my former self and placing me where I left off; They cannot match the two people, I've created a new foundation for them... I sometimes fantasize about going back and making a totally new impression on the people that I wish I'd known better (or at all). After years of solitude and thought, I might finally have something to talk about..... hahaha yeah right!

Riptor · 07-04-2009, 12:39 PM

I don't worry about it most of the time, but when it happens I get a little nervous. It's consoling to know that the other person is usually as uncomfortable as I am though, so hopefully they are as angry at themselves for not initiating as I am. Everyone has a little SA now and then, this is one of the few times I don't feel like the only one getting anxious.