SA caused by being extremely self centered

i was just thinking about this today. i think much of our SA is caused by being extremely self absorbed. last week i tried to think about things i could do for other people, and i found it made me feel better. when you walk into a social situation think about what you can do for someone in this room that will make them feel better, it helps your SA go away. just stop thinking about yourself.

one of my public speaking teachers taught us to think like this before we give a speech. instead of concentrating on yourself and worry about how nervous YOU will look in front of everyone else, think about how your speech will benefit the audience.

anyone else find that thinking about others helps?

you are wright, i am always concerned only about me, my simptoms, my feelings, what would happen to me, what will other think of me. This is real problem and i need to work on it. I think that concentrating on others should come not from trying to avoid s. anxiety but from a real wish to help others.
cause i dont care at all of others when i am having a presentation and my voice shake and i am blushing, they do not have any problems, i have!i am in a lot of pain! and trying to do that would be hipocritical of me.

In one point this aprroach has help me a lot (it is simmilar to yours):
When i have speaking anxiety i try to approach every person in audiece with love and not fear. When i am standing in front of them i just try to see that we all are humans with problems and try to feel love in me for them.
And i try to make my presentation in a way that it seem to me like i am talking to just one person, that the all audience is just one big person. That makes it easier for me.
This aproach to others with love and acceptance gives me a great feeling, but very often my fears and anxieties stop me in this.

HI

I totally agree with you. But there is one important thing and that is that in realising that it has to do with self-absorption that we don't feel ashamed and horrible about it. (....really, every problem can be put down to the ego and self centredness...)

But your opinion is still really good and accurate.

One thing that I have been choosing to do lately is to focus my energy on interesting things like a good book.

I've always had a great ability to become very ABSORBED in anything; and I've intuitively noted in the past that either I focus this energy on something -preferably- positive, otherwise I begin to worry about little things like day-to-day interaction.

I've actually thought that my social anxiety is just one way I have of dealing with this kind of energy within me -there just seems enough evidence that supports this (for example, when I've been really focussed or obsessed over some particualr thing, my social anxiety recedes into the back ground and I can manage it much more easily)

So one thing that I have been doing is giving up thinking about social anxiety -because i think that this is just an extension of the same kinds of thinking that create SA. I may just be substituting one obsession with another, but when it is more positive an obsession it is better.

Also I am ony relying on Mindfulness (at this important stage when I identify my need to analyse and think less) as my method of dealing with anxiety and my habit of focussing too much on one thing.

i was just thinking about this today. i think much of our SA is caused by being extremely self absorbed. last week i tried to think about things i could do for other people, and i found it made me feel better. when you walk into a social situation think about what you can do for someone in this room that will make them feel better, it helps your SA go away. just stop thinking about yourself.

one of my public speaking teachers taught us to think like this before we give a speech. instead of concentrating on yourself and worry about how nervous YOU will look in front of everyone else, think about how your speech will benefit the audience.

anyone else find that thinking about others helps?

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I disagree and agree with what you've said.
Each case of social anxiety, anxiety, OCD, etc. is unique to each specific person. I think that through each of our suffering we become self absorbed due to the inner pain we face each day.
We are all a little self absorbered at times in life, but in my opinion, sometimes we need to be. When ever battling an illness, being self absorbed only means that you are focusing on yourself and healing.
I must say though that if concentrating your energy on the others around you helps with your social anxiety then go for it -stick with what ever helps you!
Best wishes!

Congratulations! You all have made a great progress, and this is really a important step towards complete recovery.

To asdf,
You are quite right that SA is caused by too much self-consciousness, just shift your attention from your symptom to the life, think less of yourself but more of your life, like what your said, try to think how to help others rather than think how to cure your SP, I think it can ge generalized as "how to make your life better, how to pursure your dream, how to do what you should do or what you are willing to do, rather than sit there analyzing your symtom. but pay attention to your purpose and motive of doing all these, you help others because you want to help others, not for treating your SA, you do what do should do, because you like to do them, not for curing your SA, if you do all of these just for curing your SA, actually you are still paying attention to your symptom, you haven't really shift your attention. Like Marlene said "concentrating on others should come not from trying to avoid s. anxiety but from a real wish to help others"

To Marlene,
We have talked much before, I always think you are a wise girl, and you proove that yourself, I believe you will completely recover finally like me sooner or later. As you said, "concentrating on others should come not from trying to avoid s. anxiety but from a real wish to help others", it can be generalized as "concentrate on your dream, on your interest,concentrate on your life or whatever, concentrate on what you should do or you like to do, do all of those not for curing yoru SA, just because you like to do them,or you think you should do them to make your life better. then you can truly shift yoru attention from yourself to other things. From your post, I can see that you are still in a state of anxiety, but be patient, gradually shift your attention, it will help you a lot

To Littlemiss,
What you are doing now is quite right, shift your attention to something you are interested in.

Hi all,

Jacky: I think that my anxiety problems are intimately related to an obsessive focus that I have. I tend to get fixated with some thing and become very immersed in it.

And my social anxiety is just another variation of this tendency of mine.

So, you could call it self-absorption but a better description perhaps would simply be an over-absorption with things.

To 'cure' such a thing I figure to indulge this obsessive tendency of mine, by likewise pourinh my attention into more positive obsessions (like a good book or a painting) instead of 'going inwards' and obsessing over my emotional experiences with others, my social anxieties, and even when this takes the form of my focussing on 'finding a solution' -since even then, there is still a preoccupation on a problem.

So, one way I am trying is to cut off my habit of focussing on my self and my feelings; and pouring the great energy and concentration that normally goes into such introspection into something outward, away from my self and that does not concern anythin negative.

Other than that, I am going to stick to using Mindfulness and the program at www.mindfulrecovery.com for dealing with any anxious experiences. (and suspending any desire or need to understand solutions and a problem -at the very least, for the time being)

So long as I -at least for now- cut off from thinking about my self and my feelings and my problems. I feel that it is very important to introduce a greater degree of balance as far as the amount of attention I give emotional problems and how inward-focussed I am.

I also lately have been noticing that changing my mental habits, whilst it may not have removed all awkwardness and discomfort from my experience, I feel a bit stronger and, in general, more able to accept what others seem to think of me. ....When I was young, I had a similar way of dealing with people -that is, I somewhat ignored when I found or sensed some disapproval- I had a tough skin -I actually HAD a skin. And even if it was still a very thin hard skin, it made a great deal of difference and I was able to get on with life a lot more.

I have read that 'anxiety is misdirected attention' ....and I agree that things like 'focus', 'attention', 'concentration', 'obsession', 'worry' ...all these are relevant to my experience and personality.

I total;ly agree, its just another manifestation of our self centered ego - some are cocky, arrogant and full of themselves and we are the opposite in that our ego and self centeredness makes us feel we are always the center of attention and we fear that. this is why meditation or buddhism in practicing letting go is so key for me!

It is hard for me to admit, on account of my ego, but I am starting to believe that I am self-centered.

Hi! I don't have Social Anxiety, but my husband does suffer from it. I joined this group to try to help him. I have felt for a long time that - as a result of the continued panic attacks, those with SA spend more time than the average person focusing on themselves - and that the self-focus makes the illness worse. I think that by focusing on others more, it could help. I saw where someone said that when feeling anxious, he tries to focus on how he might be able to help someone else in the room. That's why this thread caught my attention.
I'm hoping to get some advice...I haven't decided whether to suggest this to my husband or not. As you know, living with Social Anxiety is no way to live, and if there is something I can do to help, then I want to do it. I don't want to stress him worse, but I want to help him. Thank you for any advice you can share with me!

I can understand what you are talking about. A lot of the things I have posted on here in the past, I'll go back and read them and think, "get over yourself"
(me)

I don't know if all of it could be root cause but I certainly think you do make an excellent point and a reasonable argument.

I recently had a run in with some family members and of course I come here to moan and groan about it, but after all that has been said and done, I think this happened for a reason, step back and take a breather, and everything is going to be OK. (at least for my situation).

At first though, I thought, holy cow, here we go again....and I was in this self-pity, me, me, me mode and that does NO good for anyone.

I have to keep my head held high, look forward and stop with the self pity.

I know this thread is old, but that's a very solid point. We go into social situations so focused on what other people might be thinking of us or in the possibility that everyone's judging us negatively, that we get sidetracked. It becomes a 'me me me' situation. If you turn your focus outwardly, there's so much positivity you can bring to other people's lives and your own.

Yes, I think social anxiety is a disease of introspection.

I agree with the thread starter. My extreme self consciousness is the main cause of my anxiety. However, it is not that easy. The more I tell myself not to get conscious, the more I do awkward things. It's really frustrating!

What aggravates my anxiety is that in occasional times that I try to interact, I seem to have a talent of offending people.... It's like I'm lacking some common social filter. It's weird because I see others who are really tactless yet they can get away with it.

I feel like if I switch off my 'self consciousness', I'll make a social chaos big time!

w*n*c*a*m said:

I agree with the thread starter. My extreme self consciousness is the main cause of my anxiety. However, it is not that easy. The more I tell myself not to get conscious, the more I do awkward things. It's really frustrating!

What aggravates my anxiety is that in occasional times that I try to interact, I seem to have a talent of offending people.... It's like I'm lacking some common social filter. It's weird because I see others who are really tactless yet they can get away with it.

I feel like if I switch off my 'self consciousness', I'll make a social chaos big time!

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I think it could be that being self-conscious (& anxious) are both what "offends" people. But by trying to tell yourself not to be, it actually makes it worse? (as your attention is even more on yourself)

Maybe our chemistry is off somehow. We've all heard/read about neurotransmitters and their important roles in regulating our moods, right?

For example, a person who doesn't have SA would probably feel a very small degree of anxiety as they approach a strange/new situation, person, or authority figure, or someone they perceive as superior to them. But their chemistry is functioning normally, they're absorbing enough serotonin, for example, so it doesn't get to the point where they are in full anxiety mode leading them to be unable to interact 'normally'.

On the other hand, for a person with SA, maybe the only difference would be that their neurotransmitters are not functioning correctly. They walk into the exact same situation, where they approach a strange/new situation, person, or authority figure, or someone they perceive as superior to them, and their lack of serotonin(or something else) makes it impossible for them to adjust to the strange/new situation or person.

If this is the case, it's not self-absorption. It's a physical condition, similar to autism or even MS.

Reality TV is filled with extremely self-absorbed people. And they are loving the attention they receive.