scared of school

millymoocow

Well-known member
every weekday morning i wake up and feel disappointed... especially mondays.

i get all stressed and anxious about going to school. i have acne, but it gets worse during school days and gets better in the holidays.

ever since i was little i was scared of teenagers for some reason, and now i know that i have social phobia.

imagine how hard it is for me to go to high school!

anyone who is like me and is scared of school, talk to me because i wanna know that i'm not alone. :)
 

SilentType

Banned
This post isn't meant to be advice, it's just my personal experience with school.

I was always shy in school, and always one of the top five students in my class. The shyness never really hurt my social status in school until about 10th grade. I was actually one of the "cool" kids all through school. I even dated the hottest girl in the class ahead of mine when I was a freshman in high school. I'm mentioning all of this to show you that it doesn't matter who you are, social phobia can affect anybody.

When I entered the tenth grade, I noticed something was different. I still had all of my friends and I didn't have any enemies either. I would walk to school in the morning and feel the anxiety rise inside me until I got the front doors, where a lump would rise to the top of my throat as I got closer. I would see my friends and the anxiety would force a quick conversation and I would find the quickest way out. Sitting in my first class, my teeth would clench, my muscles would tense, and I would constantly either tap my foot or pencil. By the time second period rolled around, my armpits would have sweat marks and that only made the anxiety increase. One week of this caused me to make an appointment with my guidance counselor, but I'd already made up my mind that I wasn't going to go through that for three more years plus college. I met with her the next day and the decision was made without her consent.
I chose to finish high school through homeschool, in an environment that I was comfortable with. By the end of that school year, I had completed my last three years of school and I enrolled in a community college about two hours away from where I lived.

College was even worse than high school (since I knew nobody there except my brother, who I moved in with), but I decided to try to fight through it because I didn't I didn't really have another option at that time. The first semester passed, and I ended up with a great a GPA of 3.75. However, I was mentally and physically drained by my panic disorder, not to mention the constant arguments that my brother and I would have over the issues that I was battling (I never had the ambition to go out and socialize, just because that simple task of going to class would tire me out so much). I decided to enroll in a private college so that I'd have more time away from the house and more work to do when I was at home so I wouldn't have to deal with my party animal brother. Low and behold and developed a severe opiate abuse habit and he became violent, not caring about my feelings at all, bringing people into the house at all hours of the night. Luckily our landlord lived downstairs and watched/heard the situation unfold and my brother got taken off the lease and evicted. By that point I had stopped going to class because of the stress at home added to the anxiety / panic disorder during classes and social situations.

That's when agoraphobia struck. I left my house only for food or to pay bills for the rest of that semester, and then one final time to withdraw from college due to illness so I wouldn't get any zeros on my record. Then I broke the news to my parents that my anxiety had taken over again and I needed to go back to the shrink. The psychiatrist just put me on some more SSRI's , which did nothing for me. I finally was prescribed clonazepam and propanolol, and together with the counseling I'd had I was doing fairly well at handling my anxiety. Therefore, I decided to make a final attempt at college and enrolled in a state university that was located about an hour and a half from my home town.

I lived there in an apartment by myself, which, in retrospect, was a horrible choice because it made it so easy for me to withdraw from the world. My final year of school with panic disorder was just like the beginning of my sophomore year in high school. I went for a week, knew I wouldn't be able to handle it without completely losing my mind, and started looking for other career options.

I'm now studying at home to be a medical transcriptionist. I've actually already received a job offer from my own psychiatrist once I graduate. The school that I'm studying with also hooks its graduates up with jobs upon graduation in many cases. I'll be able to work from home too. Who knows if this is what I'm going to spend my life doing, but at least I'll be able to earn some money without the social stresses that traditional schools/jobs put on people like us.

I'm only 19 too, so I have a lot of time ahead of me to figure everything out. I only shared this story to show you that high school isn't as important as people make it out to be. As long as you can do good on your SATs (in the u.s.), then you're fine. When I was in tenth grade I got an 1170 on my SATs and the colleges I applied to didn't even care about my crazy high school to home school decision.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey, and I hope you can make more than I did of the chance that you're given to obtain a college degree.
It's so important in today's world.


Peace
 

sidney

Well-known member
hey millymoocow!
no ur not alone cus i also have SP and i HATE going to skool, it use to be just anxiety attacks in certain classes, terrified that a teacher would make me read out or someone would start picking on me cus i was a geek (still am) lol im in the most important year of skool with other stuff going on and ive started having panic attacks.
I also have acne, but try to remember that most people have it and ur teachers im sure had it aswell wen they were younger it will get better and most people who arte yse to seeing you dont even pick up on it, honestly thats the truth! but i recommend u talk to a few people, like ur parents about this or go to ur doctor about ur SP if u havent already and ask for help for times when ur in skool and feel anxious cus i really dont want anyone to go through what i have
good luck i hope u get over this & im sure u will :D
 

millymoocow

Well-known member
thanks. it's great that people are responding back to me, i thought that everyone was gonna think i was boring. thanks again for the advice and confidence boost! :wink:
 

October

Member
I relate :) I experienced chronic social phobia all through primary school and I guess you could say I was a 'non-practicing agoraphobic'. I felt so relieved when I graduated, but on my first day of high school I came to realise that it was only going to be another six years of the same thing. I felt sick every morning and through the entire day, I started skipping certain classes over a phobia of walking into class and for whatever reason, not having a seat, and everything compounded when I was placed at the front of the class. I just couldn't do it anymore, and truanted for most of my unspectacular secondary school experience. Ended up quitting in year 9 and attempting suicide, not really knowing what was wrong with me. That was really hard for me because all I really identified with and felt good about was my grades at school, and for all my truancy was a neurotic over-achiever.

I often wonder what my life would be like if I'd stayed on, I'm finishing now by external studies and will do uni the same way.

Love to all, I know the terror of this. :(
 

splosh

Member
I'm not sure how old you are but I can certainly relate. I'm starting 10th grade right now and I've had this same anxiety since the 6th grade. It's always been a fear of people my own age for me, yet I can get on real well with older or younger people, the bigger the age gap, the easier. I guess with teenagers is that it's really the social peak in one's life... keep going, I mean at least for the sake of going to uni/college. Good luck for the future
 
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I always hated school. I had alot of friends I just used to hate the teachers. I got kicked out of 4 high schools and I left in year 9.

I'm 26 now and going to university... school taught me nothing. I just like to read its the best way to educate yourself.

Don't worry about acne, I had it big time and its all gone now (well not really its migrated to my back, at least its out of sight)

Try not to be scared of ppl. Bullies and shit are just big pussies, I used to get bullied until one day I just punched the guy in the head.
Never got bullied again. Y'see bullies never expect anyone to fight back.

I'm not big either, I'm very skinny and weigh less than 60kg so there u go

:)
 

scissorhands

Well-known member
I definately DEFINATELY understand your situation. For me I thought going to a University in a big city far away would make things easier after, and did so and I was very wrong. It was worse, and I am done now I stuck it out until the end, avoided many presentations gladly in exchange for failed participation marks, but made it to the end with honours somehow. Anyway towards the end I dreaded going so much I had regular panic attacks and high blood pressure and increased heart rate on school days. I had to take pills to control my blood pressure. Every single day of school was a living hell. Don't give up though, stick it out and you'l be done soon. Consider it a victory when you make it out.

I was bullied very badly in high school and had terrible acne, acne on top of acne. I looked like someone had thrown a pizza pocket into my face and it exploded. This didn't make standng up to bullies easy so I never did. I didn't want to stand out or be noticed anymore than I had to. Anyway I'm 24 now and still have acne but it is under control through some medication I use.

My advice, don't go to university unless there's something you're really going after, a specific goal you are focused on achieving, because I feel like I went and caused myself all that anxiety for nothing as a BA degree doesn't really do much for you, especially if you're a social phobic like I am.
 

ShyDreamer

Member
Hey MillyMooCow!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE MY FRIEND!!!!

I used to think I was just a very shy person. All through school I had close friends but I didnt talk to people outside of my circle. Year 11 began and suddenly my shyness grew within a matter of days! I was never comfortable around other students, I hated class and cringed when I heard my name called to read aloud. I would sit with my head down and try my best not to be noticed. Don't even get me started on speeches Milly! I was so scared i would convince my parents I was sick so I could stay home. I was a good student and a good kid. I never got in trouble and I had never been in detention. But suddenly I was hiding in the toilets during classes, getting panic attacks in class, hyperventilating, turning bright red and feeling like I was on fire or about to be sick! Something was definately wrong. Thats when I had what I call my 'nervous breakdown' and found out from my doctor that I had Social Phobia and Anxiety. I got so bad that I actually had to leave school. I couldn't walk into the gates without my knees trembling, bursting into tears and being violently ill! I decided my best option was distance ed, and its worked out well for me. But theres not a day that goes by that I dont regret having to leave school and miss out on all those experiences. Im in a small town and there wasnt much help available to me right away. The only advice I can give is to say: Get help now, find people who can give you the tools you need, they'll teach you how to apply them to situations. I really hope that you get through high school and make it! Im sure you will. Never give up and keep your loved ones close. GOOD LUCK MILLY MOO COW!!!!!!
 

otter

Member
I remember walking up the hill to school. I would always turn up late because I hated walking by myself to school amongst the crowds of horrible kids. I would also walk the long way home to avoid the same thing. By year 12 though I didn't care anymore thank crist. I read somewhere that people going through adolescence haven't yet developed the part of the brain which controls empathy and rationality, and I can believe that.

When I needed advise, my sister told me "be smart". Literally. Throw yourself into your studies because thats what you're there for, and it will always give you something to do and distract yourself from perceived dangers. And by the time you're finished, you know who will be working for you.

Life does get better, believe me. School helps build character and the people who had it easy are the kind who never move on. Great things are coming to you!
 

limetree

Well-known member
I've just started year 11 and I can't talk to anyone :S I was bullied in years 6/7/8 and apart from already having the 'shyness gene' that experience definitely conduced the hypersensitivity and rejection fears of SA. I took a lot of sick days off as a result and avoided those who were inviting of my company because I didn't feel on their wavelength, caused my own loneliness basically. When the library is closed I spend my lunchtimes reading and there's nowhere to hide. ):
Adolescence consists of probably some of our toughest years so I try to trudge through my studies and keep looking ahead. I want to study psychology when I'm older, maybe even help people with SA.. good things can come from it if we don't give up. If I was a successful social climber maybe I'd pay less attention to whose toes I was stepping on.
 

Ericisme

Well-known member
You remind me of me, I'm 18 and I dropped out the year I started high school, before the legal age to even drop out, but for some reason they let me get away with it. I am a LOT worse now because of it, I dropped out, I sat home all day, I had a few friends but I just kept blowing them off to be alone. Now I sit home 24/7 and leave only for the holidays to familys house. I am trying to get my life together, but that's gonna be hard.

Some advice I can give you is try not to drop out, it makes it harder in the future having to go to a school for stupid people and try to get your GED or diploma when your older. It will just get worse if you leave school, I am terrified the second I see somebody that looks near my age, thinking it could be somebody I once knew before I disappeared. Don't let that happen to you, it will just get harder. Although now I'd rather die before I go back.. o_O but that's just me, and of course because I sat home fearing it for years.
 

enmascarado

Well-known member
I hate school, I get a feeling of dread when I wake up on weekday mornings. I'm definitely going to stick with it and not drop out though, I want to go to college someday. I'm determined to get a job that I love. It's definitely hard to keep a positive attitude about school. I'm so worried about presentations, luckily I haven't had any this year. Each year as I move up a grade level teachers are less cooperative to let me slide by with things. Hopefully I can graduate early, right now I'm taking an online course that will give me high school and college credit.

Ericisme said:
I am terrified the second I see somebody that looks near my age, thinking it could be somebody I once knew before I disappeared.
Going out in public scares me as well. I'm always worried that I'll see somebody from school and they will try to start a conversation with me. That never goes well.
 

Oscelot

Well-known member
I think I've just realised something.

I'd MUCH rather go through some intense panic for a few years in college and be done with it than stay at home dreading every possible social interaction 24/7 for the rest of my life. That way I might actually get better, and would be able to get an education.

Just had that little epiphany whilst reading this, thought I'd share. :D
 
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