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Old 08-26-2010
anxiousnut's Avatar
Shine on you crazy diamond
Intermediate User
 

I am a virgin at 23, and don't forsee getting intimate with anyone in the near future. The most I've done is made out with a guy. It makes me feel so bad and abnormal, like I'm just totally out of the loop. I can't even imagine being comfortable enough to ever have sex or be romantic with someone as much as I yearn too. I am so damn self-conscious. Anyone else lack in sexual experiences?
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Old 08-26-2010
doubleM's Avatar
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i felt that way at one time. theres nothing to it really. once you get past the making out part its all down hill from there...it came natural to me anyway.
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Old 08-26-2010
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This may not help, but there really is nothing to be ashamed of. Once you find a partner with whom you're comfortable, you'll get experience in no time. Having sex with even just one partner on a regular basis can teach you a lot about sex, yourself and your partner. What you need is a partner who is patient and understanding. Maybe even one who is more experienced and willing to teach you new things. Once you're comfortable with your partner and your sexuality, you'll be more open and possibly willing to try new things. I find that sex come naturally once you let go of your insecurities and inhibitions.
No experienced man will expect you to be a porn star in bed when they know you're a virgin. We've all been unexperienced at one point or another so it's not that big a deal.

If you're not uncomfortable watching porn (I recommend amateur so you can see what real couples do) then there are a few tricks you can learn from watching women do their thing. Watching porn might help you learn what turns you on. Knowing what turns you on is an important part of sexuality. Trust me, none of this is as scary as it seems. At 23you're hardly an old maid. You have plenty of time. Just don't put needless pressure on yourself.
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Old 08-26-2010
 

Hey A! I think what Serafina wrote was very helpful. Yeah, you're hardly an old maid.

And some people never even get to make out or such, so you're far ahead of those..

A girl we know actually asked a guy and he said it would only matter if he was mostly interested in 'just sex' (cause it may take a while to get it to be enjoyable for both) and if he was 'in it for the long run' (ie long-term relationship or marriage, he'd be even happy about it - that you saved yourself up for him..) I think this is quite likely very true.. Depends on the person somewhat too..

It depends who he is and how you tell him, and how you feel about it yourself.. There may be guys who can be even more interested... A guy at the dorm had a fetish for virgins.. (His gf didn't like it though) And some Muslim or religious/Catholic guys might find it very attractive too...

There's even advice online on how to 'get a friend into bed' by telling him you're a virgin - or never had an O - and ask for help-?? (A girl said it works everytime-??)

Maybe Serafina or someone else can give good advice on how and when to tell a guy?

(edited because I was embrassed I wrote too much before, lol) But yeah, I can relate to your problem, and I'm older than you /sigh/
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Old 08-26-2010
anxiousnut's Avatar
Shine on you crazy diamond
Intermediate User
 

Thanks for the advice and words of encouragement! It makes me feel better. I just need to stop thinking it's SUCH a big deal I guess.

To the guys out there, what do you think would be the best way to tell a man that you haven't had sex yet? How far into the relationship? I know this is a broad question, but I'm interested in some insight into this.
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Old 08-26-2010
Waybuloo's Avatar
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Some guys revel in taking someone's virginity like a special prize, so you need to becareful, although it can be really hard to second guess someone's intentions isn't it. Unless of course you dont really care about the 'specialness' of your virginity and reach a stage where you just want it over with so you can discover what it's all about. But then again a guy that just want the prize probably won't care about pleasing you and putting in the effort.

When it comes to potential girlfriends, I think most guys dont' want someone who's been around the block. I don't think they mind at all if you are a virgin. You could always use the 'i'm waiting for the special someone' line and that'll jsut make them want you more and respect you more.

I'm not a guy but I think when you get past the kissing and making out stage then you probably should tell them.
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Old 08-26-2010
coyote's Avatar
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You should tell him no sooner than it becomes apparent that you're both ready to take it to that level.
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Old 08-26-2010
Felgen's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anxiousnut View Post
I am a virgin at 23, and don't forsee getting intimate with anyone in the near future. The most I've done is made out with a guy. It makes me feel so bad and abnormal, like I'm just totally out of the loop. I can't even imagine being comfortable enough to ever have sex or be romantic with someone as much as I yearn too. I am so damn self-conscious. Anyone else lack in sexual experiences?
You still have 3/4 of your life left. I think most guys who are looking for more than casual sex will accept the fact that you're a virgin at the age of 23. The only ones who would be bothered by it, are the ones who have had MTV and high school movies do all the thinking for them.
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Old 08-26-2010
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Jammin'
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^ ****! That's why I love you coyote....

I want to be like you when I grow up!

And **** it, I wont care either, so - anxious nut, come to California and I will show you the wonders of "hands-on" therapy ... Hey just sayin'....
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Old 08-26-2010
beals's Avatar
Newbie User
 

I feel the same as you! I'm 20 and I haven't done anything sexual yet. When I fantasize about sexual things, I feel like I want it and would enjoy it but when I think about it realistically it scares the heck out of me. Right now I feel like having a girlfriend is completely unattainable right now because of my fears :( Sucks to feel that way! I know I could be a great partner, and I'm actually pretty romantic. Sorry, this post was kind of a debbie downer lol. But I can totally relate.
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Old 08-26-2010
lunarla's Avatar
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It may seem very out of reach to you right now, but once you're able to get close to someone it'll feel right, I'd imagine. You shouldn't feel ashamed for having not done so already. If anything you should be proud of the fact that you haven't given it up to just anyone.


Also, legitimately lol'd at coyote's post. Not really in a good way, btw.
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Old 08-26-2010
coyote's Avatar
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I knew I didn't say it right - deleted.
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Old 08-26-2010
Honda's Avatar
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Nowadays people, media, etc... Overrate sex and sexual relationships... They give sex soo much importance and make it seem like its a big and important thing in life... I mean they get people obsessed with their performance, body, etc which really ruins the natural course of things.. Doesn't matter.. I would like to tell a story but im too embarrassed but anyways dont give it too much thinking... Things like these go with the flow...
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Old 08-26-2010
 

Just wait until you are ready. All this feeling bad and embarrassed is a common problem we have in society. People act like you should have sex just for the sake of it. They act like being a virgin is nothing to be proud of, and being a virgin has no value. Its actually the opposite. So don't give into the pressure, and have sex when you are ready. PERIOD
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Old 08-26-2010
 

lol coyote it was kinda cute to say

I really didn't know what to say then though lol

luv u too!!

I've had a similar offer before (didn't require travelling half the world, somehow couldn't decide for it though..)

maybe you can become like an SA gigolo?

You guys are terrible, but we luv u anyway!! ha ha...
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Old 08-26-2010
agoraphobickatie's Avatar
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serafina is exactly right, always listen to her lol

having the experience is one thing, but honestly, when it comes to sex, it's all so very unique depending on the person and your experience together, that it's always new no matter how many times you've done it.. and you can still be extremely knowledgeable without ever even doing it.... when i was 12-14, i reeeeeally thought i wanted to be a sex therapist when i grew up (ha!) i read up on cosmopolitan and all kinds of sex/sex doctor stuff like it was my job! ohhhh man.. i guess i still wouldn't mind doing that, but i've chosen psychology type therapy, lol..

anyway.. i'm highly self conscious as well.. which is pretty much why i don't currently have sex. i always use the excuse of "i don't have sex unless i'm in a relationship" with all of my little "make out buddies" (which explains my hella make out partners and 2 sexual parters, haha! when most of my friends are pretty up there in their "number".. i don't think any high number is something to brag about anyway, so i'm fine with my 2 ) ...anyway! it's really because because i'm that girl that is constantly thinking "do i look fat?" "does he like me?" "does he like this?" "what's he looking at?" and it completely ruins everything for me =/ buzz kill!! so yeah, i've had enjoyable sex, but only with the guy i was in a relationship with and lived with, and that was because i was very comfortable with him.... so, like everyone's said, when you feel comfortable enough, you'll know and you'll be fine.. it's just about finding someone who really understands that, and no matter what you may think about guys, there are some good ones out there who can understand that and they're more than willing to do whatever they can to make you feel comfortable

don't fret!
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Old 08-26-2010
EasySkanking's Avatar
Jammin'
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coyote View Post
I knew I didn't say it right - deleted.
Ugh, you fail :(

I still love ya though
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Old 08-26-2010
Kiwong's Avatar
Elite User
 

I'm 47 and haven't had any sexual encounters at all, and I'm not planning to have any. I don't feel bad or abnormal about it, in fact I'm fine with it. I've got a lot of other interesting things going on in my life, that I rarely waste my time worrying about romance/sex as I did when I was younger.

My social anxiety is at a level where I need to develop enough trust, particularly with women, to be relaxed enough to carry out a normal conversation. That would be enough to make my days easier for me. Anything further would require exponentially more trust, and I'm not sure I need take those extra steps at my age.
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Old 08-26-2010
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Jammin'
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Woah, that's amazing Kiwong, thanks for sharing - it gives me a different perspective on this... hmmm.
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Old 08-27-2010
anxiousnut's Avatar
Shine on you crazy diamond
Intermediate User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Honda View Post
Nowadays people, media, etc... Overrate sex and sexual relationships... They give sex soo much importance and make it seem like its a big and important thing in life... I mean they get people obsessed with their performance, body, etc which really ruins the natural course of things.. Doesn't matter.. I would like to tell a story but im too embarrassed but anyways dont give it too much thinking... Things like these go with the flow...
You make good points...Sometimes I think movies have a lot to do with our society putting way too much importance on sex . I mean it seems like every teenage comedy is about sex or losing your virginity to some extent. I mean, people act like you're a complete loser if you are a virgin when you're a senior in high school nowadays!!
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