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Old 08-26-2010  
Shine on you crazy diamond
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Default Sexual inexperience makes me feel so bad

I am a virgin at 23, and don't forsee getting intimate with anyone in the near future. The most I've done is made out with a guy. It makes me feel so bad and abnormal, like I'm just totally out of the loop. I can't even imagine being comfortable enough to ever have sex or be romantic with someone as much as I yearn too. I am so damn self-conscious. Anyone else lack in sexual experiences?

Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun. Shine on you crazy diamond. Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky. Shine on you crazy diamond.
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Old 08-26-2010  
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Default Re: Sexual inexperience makes me feel so bad

i felt that way at one time. theres nothing to it really. once you get past the making out part its all down hill from there...it came natural to me anyway.
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Old 08-26-2010  
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Default Re: Sexual inexperience makes me feel so bad

This may not help, but there really is nothing to be ashamed of. Once you find a partner with whom you're comfortable, you'll get experience in no time. Having sex with even just one partner on a regular basis can teach you a lot about sex, yourself and your partner. What you need is a partner who is patient and understanding. Maybe even one who is more experienced and willing to teach you new things. Once you're comfortable with your partner and your sexuality, you'll be more open and possibly willing to try new things. I find that sex come naturally once you let go of your insecurities and inhibitions.
No experienced man will expect you to be a porn star in bed when they know you're a virgin. We've all been unexperienced at one point or another so it's not that big a deal.

If you're not uncomfortable watching porn (I recommend amateur so you can see what real couples do) then there are a few tricks you can learn from watching women do their thing. Watching porn might help you learn what turns you on. Knowing what turns you on is an important part of sexuality. Trust me, none of this is as scary as it seems. At 23you're hardly an old maid. You have plenty of time. Just don't put needless pressure on yourself.

"He dare not come in company for fear he should be misused, disgraced, overshoot himself in gesture or speech or be sick; he thinks every man observes him." Hippocrates

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Old 08-26-2010  
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Default Re: Sexual inexperience makes me feel so bad

Hey A! I think what Serafina wrote was very helpful. Yeah, you're hardly an old maid.

And some people never even get to make out or such, so you're far ahead of those..

A girl we know actually asked a guy and he said it would only matter if he was mostly interested in 'just sex' (cause it may take a while to get it to be enjoyable for both) and if he was 'in it for the long run' (ie long-term relationship or marriage, he'd be even happy about it - that you saved yourself up for him..) I think this is quite likely very true.. Depends on the person somewhat too..

It depends who he is and how you tell him, and how you feel about it yourself.. There may be guys who can be even more interested... A guy at the dorm had a fetish for virgins.. (His gf didn't like it though) And some Muslim or religious/Catholic guys might find it very attractive too...

There's even advice online on how to 'get a friend into bed' by telling him you're a virgin - or never had an O - and ask for help-?? (A girl said it works everytime-??)

Maybe Serafina or someone else can give good advice on how and when to tell a guy?

(edited because I was embrassed I wrote too much before, lol) But yeah, I can relate to your problem, and I'm older than you /sigh/

Last edited by Feathers; 08-26-2010 at 09:05 PM..
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Old 08-26-2010  
Shine on you crazy diamond
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Default Re: Sexual inexperience makes me feel so bad

Thanks for the advice and words of encouragement! It makes me feel better. I just need to stop thinking it's SUCH a big deal I guess.

To the guys out there, what do you think would be the best way to tell a man that you haven't had sex yet? How far into the relationship? I know this is a broad question, but I'm interested in some insight into this.

Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun. Shine on you crazy diamond. Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky. Shine on you crazy diamond.
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Old 08-26-2010  
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Default Re: Sexual inexperience makes me feel so bad

Some guys revel in taking someone's virginity like a special prize, so you need to becareful, although it can be really hard to second guess someone's intentions isn't it. Unless of course you dont really care about the 'specialness' of your virginity and reach a stage where you just want it over with so you can discover what it's all about. But then again a guy that just want the prize probably won't care about pleasing you and putting in the effort.

When it comes to potential girlfriends, I think most guys dont' want someone who's been around the block. I don't think they mind at all if you are a virgin. You could always use the 'i'm waiting for the special someone' line and that'll jsut make them want you more and respect you more.

I'm not a guy but I think when you get past the kissing and making out stage then you probably should tell them.

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Old 08-26-2010  
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Default Re: Sexual inexperience makes me feel so bad

You should tell him no sooner than it becomes apparent that you're both ready to take it to that level.

"To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered." - Voltaire

"We cannot become what we want to be by remaining what we are." - Max De Pree

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin

Last edited by coyote; 08-26-2010 at 10:46 PM.. Reason: made a fool of myself
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Old 08-26-2010  
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Default Re: Sexual inexperience makes me feel so bad

Quote:
Originally Posted by anxiousnut View Post
I am a virgin at 23, and don't forsee getting intimate with anyone in the near future. The most I've done is made out with a guy. It makes me feel so bad and abnormal, like I'm just totally out of the loop. I can't even imagine being comfortable enough to ever have sex or be romantic with someone as much as I yearn too. I am so damn self-conscious. Anyone else lack in sexual experiences?
You still have 3/4 of your life left. I think most guys who are looking for more than casual sex will accept the fact that you're a virgin at the age of 23. The only ones who would be bothered by it, are the ones who have had MTV and high school movies do all the thinking for them.

"Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible." -- Frank Zappa
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Old 08-26-2010  
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Default Re: Sexual inexperience makes me feel so bad

^ ****! That's why I love you coyote....

I want to be like you when I grow up!

And **** it, I wont care either, so - anxious nut, come to California and I will show you the wonders of "hands-on" therapy ... Hey just sayin'....

Last edited by EasySkanking; 08-26-2010 at 10:27 PM..
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Old 08-26-2010  
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Default Re: Sexual inexperience makes me feel so bad

I feel the same as you! I'm 20 and I haven't done anything sexual yet. When I fantasize about sexual things, I feel like I want it and would enjoy it but when I think about it realistically it scares the heck out of me. Right now I feel like having a girlfriend is completely unattainable right now because of my fears :( Sucks to feel that way! I know I could be a great partner, and I'm actually pretty romantic. Sorry, this post was kind of a debbie downer lol. But I can totally relate.
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