Should I contact my ex girlfriend?

Hello all.

I have this issue with my ex girlfriend. I don't know whether I should contact her or not. I feel so depressed because I (think I) miss her, but I don't know if I should do anything about it.

We were together from September to February. Until January we had a great relationship. Both of us were truly happy. She made me happier than I have ever been. We could talk for hours on the phone almost every day. Everything was perfect!

One day in January things took a turn. She told me she had kissed a guy a few days earlier at his place...from that day our relationship became more and more unstable. She found numerous of excuses of why she couldn't talk on the phone that much and why she didn't have time to see me. We then only saw each other maybe once a week compared to 2-4 times before. Even SMS-texting got to a minimum.

I forgave her for cheating on me, but all of her stories (the last four weeks of our relationship) made me more and more suspecious and jealous. Was her stories true...or did she find an other guy? During this period she even suggested us to take a pause from each other so she could stable herself. One of her stories (which I believe - I have never met him though) is that her father's testicular cancer came back. Because of this I accepted the pause, but she couldn't keep her away from me, and we broke the pause. However, things didn't get any better, but kept going on like this, and I told her several times that I couldn't take it. All of this unknowness. I told her that we should grow stronger together instead of growing apart when things are difficult. Back then - and still today - I still don't know for sure why we grew apart like that... I almost know for certain that she's hiding something. It became too much and two weeks ago I broke up with her.

I think she played games with me. I think she cheated on me with not just a kiss...more than that. But for some reason I still think about her. I miss the GOOD times. I have thinking about asking her out to talk about everything...to see if we can work things out with one last attempt.

If we could end up together again with the same happiness as before then I think I would go for it.

What do you think? Am I too desperate? Or should I wait? :sad:

She's obviously not in an emotional state to have a relationship with you, definitely not to the extent she could actually make you happy! And that wouldn't have changed in only a month. Maybe one day she'll grow up a little and you can rekindle what you had, but for now I think you're better off away from her toxicity. It's hard, you'll miss her, but just focus on yourself and ways of making yourself happy without relying on others for it. She has her own stuff to work through and will only erode at you until she does so.

But I know it's hard, I still pine for my last love regardless of his faults and toxicity. We're here for you!

Thanks for your reply. You are spot on even though you don't know many details. She's only 20 (I'm 28) and has some emotional issues...she goes to the psychologist once a week. Maybe she really isn't "grown up" yet and not ready for the commitment that I expect.

You are probably right that things won't change in only a month.

I will try to be calm and patient.

Others are welcome to comment...

If you don't trust her, and it sounds like you don't, you probably shouldn't contact her again. It's one thing if you're squabbling or don't get along with each other's friends... but if you can't trust each other, I'd say it's pretty much over.

She has already revealed her lack of character with the cheating. Get away from this person quickly!

Seriously??? No she's a cheater and instead of coming to you for help she made up an excuse. Don't!!!

If you miss her and wanna know if she's doing fine, ask her friends(if she has any) about her. But I think you need both space. Just wait til' the time comes, don't know when, but it will just come.

Hi all.

Thanks for all the answers.

On Saturday I saw that she went out with this guy that she had "kissed" earlier on... It's like I got a second knife stabbed in my heart... He was probably there the whole time from the time she mentioned the kiss...

I'm at work now (office work) and I feel so depressed. I know this feeling will vanish with time. Right now it's just very difficult. She's been lying straight to my face while I loved her so much - thinking the love was mutual...

Have a good week everybody.

I'm sorry, man. My situation was a little different, but I can definitely relate.
Long story short, her cell number is now blocked. It was not an easy decision, but it was for the best.
I think you should distance yourself from her.

Cut all contact and move on, you will heal faster that way.

Thanks, I will do that... Right now I'm at work in front of my computer. I feel so sad that I could cry. But you are all right...I have to move on and forget. Later today I will visit my best friends...that will help a bit I think.

gotta move on my dude. was married with 3 kids and was cheated on and left by my ex wife. i have to see her from time to time for my kids. i can relate to you bro. it hurts and its been 2 years but it still hurts. had to see the exwife today outta nowhere for the kids. like the knife going back in me but i gotta deal with it . not everything is about me or how i feel but it does suck when you care about someone.
sometimes the pain doesnt go away even with time.

jayfan said:

not everything is about me or how i feel but it does suck when you care about someone.

Click to expand...

It's refreshing to hear someone say that. Sorry that it happened to you though. Or not. Maybe it'll lead to something different or better.

You really ought to give this serious time and thought on your own. Listen to your own inner voice, not the opinions of others as well as the intentions put forth are. Personally Trust in a relationship is key for me and without it or little or even doubt cast over it would make me think twice before I called and tried again. Wish you well.

I guess you should try to move on..

On the other hand, if you feel that you can surpass this challenge and if it is still worth to start over, then why not?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYYDtz9o040&hd=1

There's an ELO song for every occasion. This is kind of a necro thread, but still I hope you've moved on.