Should i give in accept not being liked

After going out today i think i finally know what to do accept no matter what i think or do i will never be liked or be seen as attractive. I actually think i'm attractive but no one else does so does it matter? I will never be with the guy i want to be with and the guys that don't want me are always making sure i know they will never like me making me feel other girls are better. I go out and people just don't like what's the point in trying to fix anything. I feel really sad anyone have any advice?

I actually feel the same about myself when I'm around people. I sometimes think to myself that many people in this world just don't seem interested in getting to know or talk to me that much, even though probably do it because they know they have to be friendly. I've now come to accept that I have low self esteem and accept that I'm okay looking on the attractive scale. Years ago, I dwelled on about being perfect, wanting friends, being lonley, and while I may say these things, I think this only comes from my depression talking. I should train myself to learn to accept I don't have these things (well, at least not for a while yet.) The one thing that I don't want people to see me as is a misfit/misunderstood/girl next door type whatever. I'm just doing me now and to be honest I'd rather not stand out from the crowd because I want to appear different than everyone else. I'm not here to comepete against anyone in this world. I want to be seen and treated just like everybody else, not god's gift. In fact, I'd rather be treated like a minor character in a movie/book where everyone treats me like a friend/side kick and I only act out a small part in the story. As for liking guys, well to be honest, I pretty much stopped caring about that now. Relationships, dating, and whatnot. Those things aren't as important to me as they were back then. I'll probably might become someone aspiring like Mother Theresa one day. Maybe all we really need to do is just accept that we can't control what people think about us or what they say about us of course, but maybe try to surround yourself with better people who will treat you with respect.

Thanks for replying, i'm sorry your suffering with this anxiety and stupid people like i am. It's not right that the wrong people get treated nice and people like you and me are treated wrong way. I find that most guys by me are dumb and not have good taste it's sad but we're probably better off without stupid guys.

I'm sorry these things have got to you but I can very much relate. I could have wrote the almost exact same thing last year. I thought I looked quite attractive and was really going well fighting my body image and low self esteem issues. But I let other people's opinions on me get to me - to the people in my life in work and in family - I realised that no matter how much I would better my appearance by loosing lots of weight to dressing up - I would never get any compliments from anyone. I realised over time that maybe I wasn't what I thought I was in the mirror - I was less than and that I wasn't okay. Certainly being around a guy that I had a crush on that basically told me in his own non direct way that I was no match to his beauty expectations in women - but yet would still be friendly with me but kind of treat me ,it was a big knock to my self esteem and body image. Yet I still would make a big effort to look my best everytime I went to work and try my hardest to find my femininity. Overtime instead of nurturing myself like I had done from the beginning I began to desperately want to be accepted and be attractive and liked and started to try and mould myself into the women that this guy liked online. I mean I had been out wit him quite a few times where it felt like date. That's when my body dysmorphia returned with a deep vengeance. I bleached my lovely Virgin hair and half of it all broke off or fell out. I got myself ill with severe anxiety and stress over trying to change myself over a period of time that it ruined my health and wellbeing tenfold and that is where I am today. I ended up stressing my entire body out and getting severe depression. With everytime I look in the mirror I see bad things which can be severely painful.

I am starting to realise that I should never of let myself get so obsessed into wanting to be something better in someone else's eyes because i just ended up loosing myself and seeing what I wasn't and what I had to be instead of what I had already. You just can't be that special person to certain people despite how cool and perfect you already are.
I wish I could see myself like I did before I went downhill - because when you like how you look it can be amazing and you can feel so secure and weightless. But I guess the thing is that it's the assurance thing - that's the thing that can get you - assure your own self and only remember the good things people have said about you - because I think that is what will lift you and forget the others that bring you down - know that they are in their own mind game somewhere I guess.

I always say it's a bad day and usually do things to comfort me like crawl into bed with a hot water bottle after a hot shower and listen to my fav calming music and just cry it out and feel the pain instead of having it inside. After a few hours I feel a bit better and think tomorrow might be better.
Also I guess the more variety of people we around the more likely we might find others that suit or same likes and beliefs arc - which is why my therapists tells me to go out more.

I'm so sorry you went through all that, thank you for your reply. I'm glad you've been getting better it's probably good advice to go out but when i go out everyone seems to not like me i don't know how to stop caring what they say.

noonecares86 said:

Thanks for replying, i'm sorry your suffering with this anxiety and stupid people like i am. It's not right that the wrong people get treated nice and people like you and me are treated wrong way. I find that most guys by me are dumb and not have good taste it's sad but we're probably better off without stupid guys.

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Aww, don't call yourself that :/. I'm sorry that we both have to put up dealing with the stupidity of other people. I think the reason people treat me differently is probably because of my apperance. It's not that they think I'm ugly or anything, but I've noticed they would praise me more for my looks than my personality/good qaulities. Hell, I have more to offer than just my appearance alone. I hate that people can't look past that. This is why I don't want my apperance for others to label me as a snob, popular, rude, too good for anybody, even though I'm not even any of those things. I focus more on my talents such as writing creative music and learning to play different instruments. The thing that I worry, is how many people will take me seriously. There's times when I wished I wasn't as attractive as I am now (not trying to be conceited here.) because I think people are expecting that I'll act like almost every other girl who as they say, is beautiful on the oustide but ugly on the inside. I don't value my looks more than my personality. It's my stupid social, shy anxiety that makes a lot of people either feel sorry for me or they find it cute (I find it rather humiliating) and probably see me as this misfit teenager trying to fit in. Like I said, I'm not trying to make myself appear as if I'm better than everyone else jeust because of my looks or that I want to be different. The truth is, is that I'm not so different from many people around me. I bet most of the people in this world have just as many as the same similar talents as I do and have similar life problems/anxieties. I don't see why that makes me special or how I stand out from the crowd. I went to school like everyone else, I bleed the same color just like everyone else, I grew up just like everyone else, I mean no one should treat me like god's gift even though because I act differently than some people, doesn't mean others out there don't have the same qualities that I have. I don't stand out from the crowd.

I'd like to be someone who gets less recognition and not try to put so much attention on myself. I don't even want to influence others or be a role model towards them. They either like me or they don't, and I guess I'll have to accept that I can't force people into liking me. In this world I suppose there are going to be some people who aren't interested in me or don't like me for my appearance even, and that's okay. I can't expect everyone to like me or for who I am. What I actually wish people would say is just make blunt comments about me behind my back like "I can't stand her sometimes" "Is she gay? She's creepy." "Eww, she's weird looking." I don't want everyone to like me and I don't want people to constantly comment on my apperance all the time. How about some variety now and then? I'm actually being serious because I don't want to be seen as a perfect princess damsel in distress anymore. If I do ever come across a guy that I did like, I don't want him to obsess over my apperance either. It just brings too much stress on me and i don't want my problems to be the center of everything. I don't want to be seen as though I'm better than other girls, popular or not. Maybe I could join or open up a club one day with people who have similar interests and ideas that I have...

Yes you should accept it.

By this I mean you should learn to care less about what others think. It's actually a really good way to help your SA. It may even lead you to find people who like you for the person you are. Its gone a long way in learning to cope with my conditions.
Best of luck

FriendlyShadow said:

Aww, don't call yourself that :/. I'm sorry that we both have to put up dealing with the stupidity of other people. I think the reason people treat me differently is probably because of my apperance. It's not that they think I'm ugly or anything, but I've noticed they would praise me more for my looks than my personality/good qaulities. Hell, I have more to offer than just my appearance alone. I hate that people can't look past that. This is why I don't want my apperance for others to label me as a snob, popular, rude, too good for anybody, even though I'm not even any of those things. I focus more on my talents such as writing creative music and learning to play different instruments. The thing that I worry, is how many people will take me seriously. There's times when I wished I wasn't as attractive as I am now (not trying to be conceited here.) because I think people are expecting that I'll act like almost every other girl who as they say, is beautiful on the oustide but ugly on the inside. I don't value my looks more than my personality. It's my stupid social, shy anxiety that makes a lot of people either feel sorry for me or they find it cute (I find it rather humiliating) and probably see me as this misfit teenager trying to fit in. Like I said, I'm not trying to make myself appear as if I'm better than everyone else jeust because of my looks or that I want to be different. The truth is, is that I'm not so different from many people around me. I bet most of the people in this world have just as many as the same similar talents as I do and have similar life problems/anxieties. I don't see why that makes me special or how I stand out from the crowd. I went to school like everyone else, I bleed the same color just like everyone else, I grew up just like everyone else, I mean no one should treat me like god's gift even though because I act differently than some people, doesn't mean others out there don't have the same qualities that I have. I don't stand out from the crowd.

I'd like to be someone who gets less recognition and not try to put so much attention on myself. I don't even want to influence others or be a role model towards them. They either like me or they don't, and I guess I'll have to accept that I can't force people into liking me. In this world I suppose there are going to be some people who aren't interested in me or don't like me for my appearance even, and that's okay. I can't expect everyone to like me or for who I am. What I actually wish people would say is just make blunt comments about me behind my back like "I can't stand her sometimes" "Is she gay? She's creepy." "Eww, she's weird looking." I don't want everyone to like me and I don't want people to constantly comment on my apperance all the time. How about some variety now and then? I'm actually being serious because I don't want to be seen as a perfect princess damsel in distress anymore. If I do ever come across a guy that I did like, I don't want him to obsess over my apperance either. It just brings too much stress on me and i don't want my problems to be the center of everything. I don't want to be seen as though I'm better than other girls, popular or not. Maybe I could join or open up a club one day with people who have similar interests and ideas that I have...

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:applause: I can definitely relate. I'm going through the same situation too. I had a hard past too. I was a very obese kid and teenager but I lost weight. I improved my appearance but I'm emotionally scarred from the emotional abuse I endured. I'm trying to grow as a person and I find it appalling how people can't look past appearances and hold such unrealistic expectations for others to adhere to. They don't realize that people have issues with self-confidence. If I had an easy past, I would have been more outgoing and confident. But unfortunately, I'm not that way. But, I do have an opportunity to improve myself as a person in order to attract the right people into my life. I comprehend that people are not always going to like you and that's how life is. I just don't care anymore. I'm not going to change myself to suit others.

Jessquietgirl said:

:applause: I can definitely relate. I'm going through the same situation too. I had a hard past too. I was a very obese kid and teenager but I lost weight. I improved my appearance but I'm emotionally scarred from the emotional abuse I endured. I'm trying to grow as a person and I find it appalling how people can't look past appearances and hold such unrealistic expectations for others to adhere to. They don't realize that people have issues with self-confidence. If I had an easy past, I would have been more outgoing and confident. But unfortunately, I'm not that way. But, I do have an opportunity to improve myself as a person in order to attract the right people into my life. I comprehend that people are not always going to like you and that's how life is. I just don't care anymore. I'm not going to change myself to suit others.

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Hi there . I'm sorry you had to go through so much emotional abuse in your teenage years because I sadly had went through all of that as well . Even though I wasn't taunted about my weight, I don't know what it is but a lot of people just have so much ******* nerve in them to make other people feel as sh*tty about themselves as possible. It makes me want to strangle them so badly. I mean they will do just about anything to make that person feel unworthy and undeserving. I think when it comes to the media, society, and hollywood, I believe these three things mainly all contribute to the problems in this world. It's no wonder why this world is the way it is because how much negativity and bad influence the media has impacted on many people unfortunately :/. I'm beginning to realize it will probably just keep getting worse as each year goes on and that more and more people are becoming less supportive and understanding of others.

If more people are going to continue to care less about how they treat others or the world in general, then I don't think I can see our future turning out so good (well in my eyes, at least.) Not only is that a problem, but that also puts me in more stress and trouble because not too many people I will come across in this world are going to sympathize, hell even comfort me with kind words of appreciation or something. I usually just expect that they'll just get tired of hearing me constantly complain about my problems and drama in my life. I'd expect them to eventually give up on someone like me because with my depression and for them to listen to me wallow in self pity, I feared that that was what would drive people away very easy and very quickly. I'd expect people to say to me that they can't handle listening to me complain about my problems 24/7 because it becomes an annoyance to them. So, the best thing that I had to do from now on was keep my mouth shut about anything that bothers me anymore. I will not allow the problems that I've been having to place so much attention on myself that people constantly have to cater and feel sorry for the predicament I'm forced to live in. Believe me, I've been in such a hard place for years and there was not one person in my life who I could come to for support/help/reassurance/love or any kind of comfort because I've been stuck in my house all the time. I've held my problems and emotions in for all these years now and when people who don't know me too well have to listen to them, find it very hard to understand my situation or give me any comfort. I'm too afraid to even express my emotions anymore infront of people since it's now making me feel more embarrased and awkward of myself. I try to restrict myself from do that as well. I don't know if it's just where I live with maybe the people around me are naturally just mean spirited ****s by nature, but I've noticed that these people find some way to make everything look as if its my fault, even if they're too stubborn to admit when they're wrong. They'll point out more flaws of my personality than they will with my apperance as far as I've noticed. They just treat me like this mentally retarded kid who they seem to think that I don't have a mind of my own and that I can't feel feelings.

Well, I do feel feelings inside, but they are mainly feelings of anger and sadness in which I'm never allowed to express those feelings ever. Only the people I've been around with are at much better luck in getting away with releasing those feelings and yet they will either mock me or yell at me for just trying to express my own emotions. I'm not even allowed to express my opinions without there being someone to make me feel self concious about them! I'm never allowed to make any form of opinion/statement in which people view in their eyes as wrong. I might as well just keep my mouth shut forever and not say one word at all. I'm getting the sense that people aren't grateful to have my company, but they're probably happy I'm just there with them so that they'll get every chance to poke fun of me. I've never disrespected anyone or made anyone feel unworthy, disrespected, uncared for, ect. It confuses me a lot because other people I've mainly been around are stubborn, hostile, or have treated me less than a person. My life is one big confusing puzzle for me to understand how to solve it.

Well, I guess when I get up there to be in my 60's or 70's is when people will start to tone down the compliments they've been praising me. It's funny actually, how as you grow older and lose your physical attractivness, people eventually will avoid you and probably lose interest themselves than how they used to see you as. I know that I' already have physical problems(they might eventually grow worse over time, but who knows) that I'm surprised many people still call me the most prettiest girl ever or whatever big statements they say. I have problems of my own too, but many people probably just look at my outer apperance and think "Well, she must has a pretty good life. She's so gorgeous, she could have anything she want." Well don't believe in your own assumptions because it's not true at all. Even if I am a girl and cake my face with make up to events and wear dressy outfits, I don't get everything I want (the truth) just because of my gender or because of my appearance. I don't have a lot people liking me, I don't win at everything, hell I didn't even grow up in the most richest, wealthiest family. I'm just your average, ordinary girl, nothing too special about me except only if it's my apperance (which that will fade over time someday.) I shouldn't be treated like a godess just because of my overall apperance and nothing more than that. It probably leads other people to think I am snobbish, rude, outgoing, flirty, and like I said, I'm not any of those things. I'm just a human being, a plain ordinary old girl who blends right in with the crowd. I don't want to stand out or make myself appear special to anyone, although I wish others would learn to appreciate my talents/qaulities more :/.

I'm really done with everyone, i went with my friend to get fast food i was in back at the drive thru and the girl who gave the food was just staring in the backseat at me, I wasn't look then i turned my head and she was staring at me like i'm from another planet. I'm not imagining it this is what always happens i get stared at no matter who is with me i'm who gets stared at with that look like i'm not attractive or good enough and they think their better than me. I will not let anyone tell me i'm making this up, you do not stare at someone it's just messed up. I worry i will never have a boyfriend or a life and it's sad because these guys here have no idea what attractive is. I so angry and i hate everyone i just want to go out and not be treated like shit, i don't know what to do anymore people here just will not accept me and i don't know what to do i know when i go out i will be stared at and treated bad and it' s annoying.

Have you asked your friend for their input? Like what does he or her think about that?

Dislike, hatred? It means people notice you. Personally I'd like to be invisible sometimes.

He thought it was my imagination but he was looking down whe it happened, the girl had no right to stare to me there is nothing wrong with what i look like i don't know why people do this and it's a lot of times i get that same look from lots of people it's really annoying

Hmm Im not sure what to say to that. For me its always been the opposite extreme. Basically Im used to being ignored. Im not sure what I'd do if everyone started leering at me.