Shut up dog

k_rage · 05-12-2007

I just moved from New York State to Oregon about a month ago, because I thought I would be happier. Ha!!! It's beautiful out here, and I love to be outdoors so that is great, but that's it. Social Security is giving me $100 less a month than New York did for disability, so thank whoever that my brother is helping me. I thought since that I do not know anyone out here, that that would make me go out and make myself meet people. But i'm very depressed, and losing interest in living again. Why the fk do I always get screwed when I try to better my life? I know I haven't been a total angel in my life, and have done bad things, but still, wtf???!!! I can't get a job worth crap because of my basically non-existent job history, and I will not flip burgers at 30 years old, so I can only hope that my business that I want to start, WORKS! I have a brother who does need me, but truthfully, I wouldn't mind downing a gallon of anti-freeze right now. But with my luck, that wouldn't work either. Sorry, i'm just feeling horrible and very worthless right now. :evil: :(

SocialRetahd · 05-12-2007

Whats your home business?

nope1 · 05-12-2007

My school counselor once told me something that made me think:
"Ce que je fuis me suis. Ce que je fais face s'efface."
Meaning: The thing that I run from follow me, The thing that I confront erases."

Perhaps moving is great for the first few weeks, new state, new people, new environment. But it's the after that matters. Because if you have an SP problem it's going to follow you wherever you are. In California, Oregon, Québec, France....
Because it's part of who you are.

So the thing that you have to do (I'm talking to myself too!) is to try and confront your SP problem (me too!). It's the desire to change. The confrontation of the problem.

But this is going to demand a LOT OF WORK, and you'll have to do it STEP BY STEP, they are no shortcuts. And you can't be impatient or else, you're going to go back.
(Note that all that I said applies to me too, it's sort of a post to myself too)

Try to get some help. A therapist perhaps, it's not a sign of weakness. But not all of them will click to you. (I've had one and she didn't help me at all)

So, what I'm trying to say is that you can't run from your problems. The only way to be free from them is to confront them.

k_rage · 05-14-2007

Yesterday, I had posted a comment about me downing a gallon of anti-freeze. Attempting suicide(I have tried twice), is NEVER the answer to whatever you may be going through. I hope I did not upset anyone, since that is not my goal. I just don't have anyone except one distant friend and brother to talk to, so when I do communicate, it's usually screwed up because of being so alone for too long. Again, sorry.