Shy around Boys

Little

New member
I am 31 years old woman and still feel like a little girl and extemley shy when it comes to the opposite sex.

I tend to avoid them in case they don't like me or reject me.

I can't bring myself to have eye contact with them and if there is someone i really like i will go to great lenghts to avoid him and walk in the other direction away from him.

I am forever going over in my head on whether it's real love or if i'm just infatuated.

I love the attention he gives me at times but at the same time I don't like it because I have nothing to say in return and he probably thinks im a wierdo and it makes me feel really inadequate and unappealing.

then immediatley i get suicidal.

does anyone have any tips on how to deal with boys if you are an
APD.

Thanks
 

Little

New member
i prefer to read about boy/girl relationships in novels than try and go about in real life...i am hooked on them...
 

autumn_82

Well-known member
I don't know...I've just managed to start glancing at them--sometimes. There was a guy who I'm positive was interested, and I'd be able to force myself to glance back at him sometimes, but at other times I just avoided him, didn't look at him though I knew he was trying to get my attention. I felt extremely frustrated with myself because of my inability just to look at the guy. So the semester ended without anything happening--again. And, like it does to you, it makes me absolutely miserable. I think any boldness I've developed has come from my being so sick of not having a boyfriend. Completely frustrating!
 

striker

Well-known member
>> I love the attention he gives me at times but at the same time I don't like >> it because I have nothing to say in return

you know, you can prepare for this so you can be ready when the occasion strikes. For example, everything a a stand-up comedian says is scripted. With a little practice you can get good at this.

- your state of mind can be changed by 2 things, what you eat and meditation. Add regular exercise to it & experiment with vitamin supplements.

- Regarding Suicidal thoughts, eat lots of fresh veggies & stay away from food in the fridge & stale food till you get well. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tamas_(philosophy)
ie., Learn about Tamasic food & move away from it.
 

Satine

Well-known member
Well, the first thing to remember is that men are far more like us than you think. For a start, they're afraid of being rejected, too, and to make things worse for them, culture generally dictates that they should be the ones who approach us.

Women are more complex creatures than men and that scares some of them. Remember that you have the upper hand in this respect, and it counts for a lot. Any man who sees you wonders, to a greater or lesser degree, whether you accept him or reject him. It goes both ways - some men aren't worth the time, and some are but worry that they aren't good enough.

As worried as you might be about how a man percieves you, remember that you are the one with the power to set the pace, to bring companionship to life. You inherently know more about how people relate to eachother than a man generally will, so make use of it!

As to confidence... there are a great many confidence-building books, systems, tricks and mentors in the world, but every one of them has, at the core, one imperative: just do it! It's okay to feel nervous, but the more you hold back, the more you'll build up the act of approaching a man until it becomes a very daunting thing indeed.

So go ahead and do it, and if you fail... then why is his opinion of you so important? He is only another individual, he is not a God. So go and try. Go and make the mistakes that we all make, and the discoveries and successes will come with them.

Good luck.
 

shakermaker

Member
Men are just the same as women when it comes to this topic.
Try not to hide and remember that if someone has to work hard to get to know and understand you that THEY KNOW they are one of a lucky few that has been 'let in'. And that is a big thing for men.

Exclusive, Unique and the neanderthal in us is very pleased with the fact they 'own' somthing special like that.

Men love chasing, the ups and downs that courtship with you might provide sounds to me like the making of a great love story. I think you will have a big love affair and hopfully one that fulfills your dreams. Good luck and remember thousands of love affairs start allover the world everyday.... and 99% of them were not expecting it at all.
 

summer

Well-known member
i find it hard socialising with men, especially a potential boyfriend. I just go all quiet and cant make eye contact and and never know what to say to them and when i do say somthing it usually comes out comletly wrong and i make an idiot of myself :lol:
 

Owl

New member
Little said:
I am 31 years old woman and still feel like a little girl and extemley shy when it comes to the opposite sex.

I tend to avoid them in case they don't like me or reject me.

I can't bring myself to have eye contact with them and if there is someone i really like i will go to great lenghts to avoid him and walk in the other direction away from him.
I totally relate,I could of wrote that. It's good to see I'm not the only one. Since my early twentys I've had this nervousness round guys and especailly if I fancied them,would avoid them.
I was shy as teenager,but still managed to have few boyfriends.
Then after one failed relationship at 21 I just gave up and then it got really bad. I would'nt even go to a shop check out if there was a guy serving and if I had too I could'nt make eye contact and felt ill.
I work with women,but if had to see any guys I would avoid the situaton. Like if we had a christma night out,I would'nt go if there husbands or boyfriends went.
I did eventually manage to have a boyfriend after 3 years of this. It was so hard,I was attracted but also felt sick and anxious and could not make eye contact every time we bumped into each other. He came to this party and i had to drink so much to even talk to him,drink was a major factor to start with,i would'nt recomend it though.
Then that ended after 2 years and I'm back to square one. I am totaly avoid social situations where there will be guys. I try tolerate guys In other situations. I think I want a boyfriend again,but I feel so apathetic about it and also not going out, I barely go out when I was at work.On sick with depression.
 
I can relate to you. It's hard because the fear of rejection is so strong. I don't even try anymore. I can't give you much advice because I suck at that kind of thing too, but I know that you just have to take a chance. Even if that means rejection.

I know if I put myself out there and I was rejected then afterwards I would probably kill myself. So I don't know if thats the best advice to give.

I hope you find someone special and that things work out for you.

Good Luck!
 
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