Have you guys ever noticed that often when a girl gives you an opportunity to say something to her and you hold back, she basically stops taking you seriously? I was at this concert the other night and I went up to the bar and the girl next to me gave me a smile. I smiled back but didnt say anything, and then I looked at her again and she gave me this real odd look. Another time I sat next to a girl at a get together at a friends and the same thing happened except she crossed her arms and grimaced the next time I looked at her. This often leads to pretty awkward convo when I get around to initiating...cant us shy guys get a friggin minute to think of somethin to say? Im not terrible at talking to girls but I'm very slow to start usually and I fear this is destroying many opportunities for me....is it that these girls think I'm rejecting them by not immediately saying something?? I don't want to generalize but this actually tends to happen to me more than any other interaction with girls. Maybe these girls are more sensitive to "rejection" than I am....
shy guys with girls
- Thread starter satstrn
- Start date
How is this shyness? If you don't know what to say, then it's not shyness, it's insufficient experience, basically. In my opinion, a person who is only shy would know what to say, is, however, too timid of saying it, due to the unfamiliarity of the situation.
People have differing expectations. Depending on the situation you are in, it might be natural to say something immediately. At social events, for example, this is the case. The sole purpose of one's being there would be to interact socially. Hence it is expected to interact. And we know that expectations may lead to disappointments. Some people are relatively easy to disappoint, as they expect a lot.
I can't tell you a proper way of making it stop, but I guess, communicating more often might be a way. It all comes down to experience, or a lack of it. And being certain about way to say may greatly decrease the shyness in the situation.
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RND_CHR
Well-known member
Dude, just start with something like, hi, my name is .... What's yours? I'm not saying you should start all conversations with that, but it's a good way to practice starting a conversation since everyone has a name and no one will feel threatened by you asking that. If the other person keep talking, great, if they don't, at least you said something and you'll have more confidence next time you try to talk to a girl. And you'll learn to create opportunities for yourself for conversations by doing that. I don't know, I've been trying to talk to every girl I can. I talked to a girl at the gym yesterday just to get the practice. I didn't expect to pick her up or whatever, I just wanted to build confidence. Keep in mind every girl you talk to will respond differently to anything you say. Maybe one girl will flat out reject you, which is highly unlikely in my experience, just for introducing yourself, while another will start the conversation, this has also been unlikely in my experience. My therapist says don't generalize about social interactions. I think that's really true. Not only are minute things like a grimace or whatever you thought was rejection, highly difficult to accurately interpret, but not everyone responds to any one thing the same way. I know it's easier to say then do, but just go for it.
danstelter
Well-known member
Just like other people are saying, start out simple with a personal introduction. You don't have to be supercool and smooth right from the start, although it is very helpful if you can do that. I think women are reacting to your hesitancy; they expect you to say something and you are looking at them and then you don't. And unfortunately, in the late night crowd you get burned if you hesitate for an instant.
But, this doesn't mean there aren't further opportunities. Perhaps you could try saying something later, or just say, "Hi my name is___, want to dance?" Or say, "Man this concert is crazy. I love how ___ does ___!"
The other thing to remember is that the go out crowd is all about "me." It is all about what people can do for themselves, and people are pretty unforgiving socially. People go out to be the coolest, get laid the most, or to meet someone with connections. People rarely go out to make friendships that last for years; it's the nature of the beast.
Finally, I've heard it said that the vast majority of social attempts, 90%, don't work out, and it may even be higher than that. So, I would hang in there and not take it personally, but if you're looking for quality social time and to make some good friends, start looking someplace else. If you're looking for dating, online is much easier, but women everywhere can be flakes. Hope this helps...good luck!
But, this doesn't mean there aren't further opportunities. Perhaps you could try saying something later, or just say, "Hi my name is___, want to dance?" Or say, "Man this concert is crazy. I love how ___ does ___!"
The other thing to remember is that the go out crowd is all about "me." It is all about what people can do for themselves, and people are pretty unforgiving socially. People go out to be the coolest, get laid the most, or to meet someone with connections. People rarely go out to make friendships that last for years; it's the nature of the beast.
Finally, I've heard it said that the vast majority of social attempts, 90%, don't work out, and it may even be higher than that. So, I would hang in there and not take it personally, but if you're looking for quality social time and to make some good friends, start looking someplace else. If you're looking for dating, online is much easier, but women everywhere can be flakes. Hope this helps...good luck!