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Old 11-14-2007
Reholla's Avatar
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I dont know about the rest of you, but if you dont have a boyfriend you can get really sick of it....

I've had more boyfriends in my childhood than ive had in my teenage/college years. Why is now any different?
I had like 4 boyfriends growing up...real boyfriends, we'd celebrate anniversaries and everything.that was 10 years ago....
and now its not just that i dont have a boyfriend but theres no guy i would even think about dating. (maybe im too picky).......

so, for people who dont have boyfriends/girlfriends, what can be done? Im not that outgoing (obviously)...im on here... so how do you meet people......

Im really ready to have a boyfriend!
Reholla is offline  
Old 11-14-2007
 

I think it's all about approachability. We folks with SA just give off entirely the wrong message. Our signals are nearly always interpreted as 'screw off and die' when we mean to say 'i'm lonely and i want to get to know you.' In your case it's doubly tough, because you're pretty. So what happens is, guys look at it like 'she's way too up on herself so i'm not going to bother for fear of rejection.' It took me forever to realize that I'm not repugnant and that I don't lack anything - I just can't socialize and I have a hard time relaxing and smiling, thereby seeming confident with myself and inviting with regards to other people. It surprised me to learn that others actually viewed me as arrogant and self-absorbed because I kept to myself, but deep down all I wanted to do was hang out and be a normal guy. It seems like your situation might be a little similar.
Kinetik is offline  
Old 11-14-2007
 

FINE, Ill date you!! Sheesh!
bleach is offline  
Old 11-14-2007
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Reholla, I know how you feel! Last year or the year before I was way too messed up to even consider finding a boyfriend...(unlike you I didn't even date as a kid or a young teen--unless you count preschool and kindergarten where I was never shy about my "crushes") I agree with zeroday about childhood relationships being so much easier then they are now.
Now I finally feel like things are turning around for me and I think I might be ready for a real relationship--but I still find myself mired in anxiety and the inability to open up.

I think there's a feeling of shame for being alone on a romantic level. For men AND women. You feel the time tick by, your teen years are gone and still nothing, you're still lonely and inexperienced. It can make you feel a certain kind of panic.

I wonder if we put too much importance in having a boyfriend/girlfriend, believing that that person could rescue us from ourselves.
thequietone is offline  
Old 11-14-2007
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Reholla
I dont know about the rest of you, but if you dont have a boyfriend you can get really sick of it....

I've had more boyfriends in my childhood than ive had in my teenage/college years. Why is now any different?
I had like 4 boyfriends growing up...real boyfriends, we'd celebrate anniversaries and everything.that was 10 years ago....
and now its not just that i dont have a boyfriend but theres no guy i would even think about dating. (maybe im too picky).......

so, for people who dont have boyfriends/girlfriends, what can be done? Im not that outgoing (obviously)...im on here... so how do you meet people......

Im really ready to have a boyfriend!
keep in mind that you are beautiful and smart,and that any man would be lucky to have you. maybe you need to be more assertive
kyle is offline  
Old 11-14-2007
4seasons's Avatar
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I just erased my post because it was just me bitching and had no contribution to the thread haha just realized that, sorry.
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Old 11-14-2007
SocialRetahd's Avatar
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Ok.

I think everyone has missed the OP's message.

The OP is not dealing with the same issue you guy are, where you can't find anyone at all!!! She's not saying that no guy will date her, she's saying she will only accept perfect or someone out of her league.

Apparently the alpha males (looks, STATUS, assholishness) aren't going nuts, so she's upset.
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Old 11-14-2007
AnxiousGuy's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Reholla
I dont know about the rest of you, but if you dont have a boyfriend you can get really sick of it....

I've had more boyfriends in my childhood than ive had in my teenage/college years. Why is now any different?
I had like 4 boyfriends growing up...real boyfriends, we'd celebrate anniversaries and everything.that was 10 years ago....
and now its not just that i dont have a boyfriend but theres no guy i would even think about dating. (maybe im too picky).......

so, for people who dont have boyfriends/girlfriends, what can be done? Im not that outgoing (obviously)...im on here... so how do you meet people......

Im really ready to have a boyfriend!


There is a million ways to meet guys. Online personals, in college, etc. I would say the number one place would be sporting events. Most guys like sports.
If your anyone of the 3 girls in the pic, your cute. Besides, its ok in a way for a girl to be shy at first. We still live in a society where the guy has to make the first move and approach you first. I don't know where your at with SA but just start with fluff talk and if the guy wants to go out with you he'll ask you.
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Old 11-14-2007
Horatio's Avatar
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Want to go on a date Reholla?
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Old 11-14-2007
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I always had a GF and have spent about 2 months as the longest time single since i was about 16. Now im 22 i have been single since May and this has coincided with my SA being the worst its ever been. However, especially aftre the last week i think that learning to like my self without having a GF has helped me start to overcome it. I have felt so much more confident this last week or so. Although i do miss having someone to wake up with when its cold!

And besides ill probably have a really bad attack on monday morning and be back at square one....
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Old 11-14-2007
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I always had a GF and have spent about 2 months as the longest time single since i was about 16. Now im 22 i have been single since May and this has coincided with my SA being the worst its ever been. However, especially aftre the last week i think that learning to like my self without having a GF has helped me start to overcome it. I have felt so much more confident this last week or so. Although i do miss having someone to wake up with when its cold!

And besides ill probably have a really bad attack on monday morning and be back at square one....
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Old 11-14-2007
SocialRetahd's Avatar
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...
SocialRetahd is offline  
Old 11-14-2007
Reholla's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SocialRetahd
Ok.

I think everyone has missed the OP's message.

The OP is not dealing with the same issue you guy are, where you can't find anyone at all!!! She's not saying that no guy will date her, she's saying she will only accept perfect or someone out of her league.

Apparently the alpha males (looks, STATUS, assholishness) aren't going nuts, so she's upset.
No i am generally not even attracted to alpha males so dont say that.... i think YOU are missing the point of my message.
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Old 11-14-2007
Reholla's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Horatio
Want to go on a date Reholla?
If you live in New Zealand that would be hard.....although i bet you have a cute accent! haha
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Old 11-15-2007
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Not sure if you've tried it yet, but I definitely think you should consider online dating. You're very good at expressing yourself online, so I don't think you would have much trouble coming up with a good profile and pic that would attract plenty of interested guys.
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Old 11-15-2007
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by bleach
FINE, Ill date you!! Sheesh!
hahaha ****!!

umm...when i was your age...i was the same way. i was too picky and made every excuse in the book not to date someone unless they were the perfect person. i've regreted it ever since. for me it wasn't just looks, but if the person previously dated someone that i didn't like, forget it. if they weren't a virgin, forget it. if they kissed a lot of guys, forget it. if they were a snob, forget it. well you get the picture lol. but yeah. if you find someone that is even close to what you want...then go for it. cuz when you get to a certain age, it's all down hill (or is it suppose to be uphill :? lol). if you weren't a "shy" person, then maybe you can hold out for something a little better. but this debilitating disease won't let up and you will have regrets...trust me...been there, done that. but your prettiness will probly blow out my whole theory lol.
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Old 11-15-2007
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Intermediate User
 

This is so weird. Something's occurred to me recently about the shyness and significant other issue that I thought deserved a little post on this site.

So I'm 18, and I've never had a girlfriend. For a time I thought, "Wait... is something wrong with me, or... what's going on here?" and I used to feel a little down about it. I mean, hey - a lot of my friends aren't even virgins anymore - and here I am, a little shy, and never had a significant other in my life.

But something weird occurred to me: If I'm out looking for someone to complete me, how's it going to feel when I realize in the end that nobody can really make me happy? I mean, we've all heard it a million times, but I'm starting to become a believer in it: Only we can make ourselves happy, nobody in the entire world can do it for you! No wonder socially anxious people are so "picky", huh?

Kind of makes you think. If you're searching for the "perfect" soulmate to come along to complete you or "make you happy", no wonder you're never going to meet them, ever!

Now, I'm not saying you have to lower your expectations and start dating someone who you really dislike (lol), but in reality, you're never going to find "that" perfect person, no matter how hard you look. Oh, and this one works both ways - when you actually feel happy enough inside yourself, it's not gonna matter weather or weather not you have a SO.

Just something to think about. You know, consider it. I may only be 18, but I think there's something to this 'self' thing. Haha. Take it or leave it :P
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Old 11-15-2007
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Reholla
No i am generally not even attracted to alpha males so dont say that.... i think YOU are missing the point of my message.
If you could choose anybody in the world to fall in love with you, who would you choose (someone famous, so we get an idea of the type of guy you like).
blackcap is offline  
Old 11-15-2007
Some_guy's Avatar
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I'll go out with you, if you pay my drinks :P
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Old 11-15-2007
Reholla's Avatar
Advanced User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by blackcap
If you could choose anybody in the world to fall in love with you, who would you choose (someone famous, so we get an idea of the type of guy you like).
George Clooney or Matt Damon or Matthew McCanauhey

are those alpha males? anyway i wouldnt really want to fall in love with somebody famous, i want some one more down to earth....
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