So i think i've lost my myself

So over the past few days ive been in a state of panic and sadness because i cant be myself when im around people, im not funny im not witty of intellectual, im just a iratant and people dont get anything grom speaking with me. Its because in a social situation i have too much going on in my head, what does this person think of me? Why have'nt i said anything funny in the last few seconds? Who in this place is looking at me and disliking me? Why was i born? What is my perpose? I am so sad to realise that my worst fear have become reality, that people dont get me! This for me is worse then death, am i dead inside? Then im just breathing, will i ever actually start living?

Experiment with thinking outside of yourself. Focus your attention outside of yourself. When you're with others, engage in talking to them about themselves. People love to talk about themselves. The less time you spend clinging to your own bad thoughts (thoughts that don't define you, by the way, they're just words in your head and it's your reaction to them that affects you), the more you can give to others, and consequently to yourself at the same time.

And obviously, in order to improve your self-esteem, do your best to learn new things and to spend time doing the things you like (hobbies, music, people you care about, helping others, etc).

Greggy I have to agree with Sacrement's comments. It seems you are being overwhelmed by being too inwardly focused.
When anxiety takes hold, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. People can sense when someone is troubled, unwell, anxious or many other things. It quite often makes them feel hesitant and unsure.
For your own piece of mind try to focus out wards a bit more. Once you manage to do this it's like pressure being lifted off your shoulders.

On the contrary, I know I have found myself.

Thanks guys that makes a lot of sense! I just feel unaccepted

Do you feel unaccepted because people tell you they don't accept your presence around them, or because you fuse with all the bad thoughts that come along for the ride?

Im not entirely sure what happens when im in the presents of people but what always happens is the same, i entire a place like a bar, people immediately stare at me some even give me bad looks, one guy kept staring at me untill i could only look at the floor, i seem to bring out the worst in people and there's nothing i can do about it, im so sorry this post sounds like such a moany post! The fact is people dont understand me, i try to make friends but everyone distances themselves from me, they never contact mr to see if im ok, i sware im cursed. Again sorry about being so selffish i hate the way i sound rigjt now.

greggy said:

Im not entirely sure what happens when im in the presents of people but what always happens is the same, i entire a place like a bar, people immediately stare at me some even give me bad looks, one guy kept staring at me untill i could only look at the floor, i seem to bring out the worst in people and there's nothing i can do about it, im so sorry this post sounds like such a moany post! The fact is people dont understand me, i try to make friends but everyone distances themselves from me, they never contact mr to see if im ok, i sware im cursed. Again sorry about being so selffish i hate the way i sound rigjt now.

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I feel like you, greggy. I know my last comment was sorta selfish of me to say. I was in a worst mood than i am now and i do apologize for that.

You know, when people stare at me like that I swear I will stare them right back in the face. They ain't no Medusa. They can't paralyze you and turn you into stone like in Clash of the Titans. They are human beings like us. They boo boo, piss, puke, and bleed like the rest of us. They ain't better than us and we ain't better than them.

So what if people don't understand you. That ought to make you feel special. Like an enigma. I want to be a mystery to people. Mystery is what amazes people, not normalcy.

Maybe your friends are going through things themselves. I feel like my family sometimes purposely do not speak to me when I want them to. But they have families of their own and they have to work and make errands and basically live lives.

I know this sounds really corny, but it helps to stay positive for YOU. Not for your friends, for your family, for strangers, or anyone.....except YOU.

greggy said:

So over the past few days ive been in a state of panic and sadness because i cant be myself when im around people, im not funny im not witty of intellectual, im just a iratant and people dont get anything grom speaking with me. Its because in a social situation i have too much going on in my head, what does this person think of me? Why have'nt i said anything funny in the last few seconds? Who in this place is looking at me and disliking me? Why was i born? What is my perpose? I am so sad to realise that my worst fear have become reality, that people dont get me! This for me is worse then death, am i dead inside? Then im just breathing, will i ever actually start living?

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I'm pretty much in the same situation as you right now :thinking:
this life is so tirering i'm tired of living in this "prison" that my mind made my self get into. it's not fair why we are like this, what have we done to deserve this shitty life of ours, we just want to live happily like most people does. More and more i've been losing hope of getting better, I just want to get into a ball and disappear from everything.
Well hang in there! that is the only thing we can do I guess.

greggy said:

Im not entirely sure what happens when im in the presents of people but what always happens is the same, i entire a place like a bar, people immediately stare at me some even give me bad looks, one guy kept staring at me untill i could only look at the floor, i seem to bring out the worst in people and there's nothing i can do about it, im so sorry this post sounds like such a moany post! The fact is people dont understand me, i try to make friends but everyone distances themselves from me, they never contact mr to see if im ok, i sware im cursed. Again sorry about being so selffish i hate the way i sound rigjt now.

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Do you think people actually give you bad looks, or do you get paranoid and worried that they're giving you bad looks even if they're just looking at you? It's normal for people to look at other people that come in. If you take a minute to observe your own reactions, you'll see that you do the same thing: someone comes in, it's a "new" presence, and so you look.

Have you considered flipping your thoughts around? It takes self-esteem, but since it's all in your mind and people aren't actually coming up to you and telling you you're disliked and are being negatively judged, why don't you consider that the guy was staring at you for no particular reason, or was even looking somewhere behind you, or was just staring blankly without any particular thought? Notice how you're so sure he was judging you, but you're the one judging him for staring at you. This happens because we worriers/anxious tend to be too inwardly focused, which can lead to mental chaos and distress.

As for the last part of your post, people will keep in touch with you as much as you keep in touch with them. If you're always just waiting for them to say something, remember that they might be feeling the same way about you, and may also be feeling as if you don't really want to talk to them either.

i feel the exact same way.

Thanks so muxh its so nice for me to know other people are going through the same issues, i have noticed that my mood effects my facial expressions and that leads to people seeing me looked peed off, i know i need to work on my moody face!