Liesha27
Member
I been so low and depressed lately, well not just lately but almost all my life. I can never really be myself and enjoy life without people controlling me. I feel like people are controlling me and I can't be in control of my own life. (I know you are wondering why).
Ever since I was 12, I been pulling my hair out and I also cut myself. I just wish I was never born. Then at 14 I stopped the cutting and then at 15 I started again and I stopped at 17 and just recently began cutting myself. Mostly my cuts aren't deep that they bleed. They bleed alittle bit to the point where U can't even tell that im cutting. Pulling my hair also relieves me even more then cutting do. I just feel in control when I do that because when I cut or pull my hair, If I have those strong urges to do them, I'd do it and feel like I controlled my urges completely. Then the whole cycle keeps going. I been going thru alot of frustration and anxiety. I am such a worthless piece of shit because I don't know how to deal with my emotions. I would like to see a counselor or pyschiatrist and tell them everything this time. I know I can't be ashamed of myself I don't know how to control them. I am such a crybaby, well I only cry when no one is around. I feel so dull and boring I wish I can just disappear and never come back again. If I sleep and never wake up, I would be so lucky!
Just yesterday, I just lost my virginity to a guy I met. He's so understanding and mad cool . I don't really know what to feel or how to feel anymore. I just feel so cold and rigid I can't even be myself.
I can tell him anything without him judging me critically. We talk on the phone for hours and hours straight. I like him alot. He's very special to me or do I really feel that way? I just want someone to make me feel special.
I just want to learn how to deal with life and my emotions and NOT let my past get the best of me.
Ever since I was 12, I been pulling my hair out and I also cut myself. I just wish I was never born. Then at 14 I stopped the cutting and then at 15 I started again and I stopped at 17 and just recently began cutting myself. Mostly my cuts aren't deep that they bleed. They bleed alittle bit to the point where U can't even tell that im cutting. Pulling my hair also relieves me even more then cutting do. I just feel in control when I do that because when I cut or pull my hair, If I have those strong urges to do them, I'd do it and feel like I controlled my urges completely. Then the whole cycle keeps going. I been going thru alot of frustration and anxiety. I am such a worthless piece of shit because I don't know how to deal with my emotions. I would like to see a counselor or pyschiatrist and tell them everything this time. I know I can't be ashamed of myself I don't know how to control them. I am such a crybaby, well I only cry when no one is around. I feel so dull and boring I wish I can just disappear and never come back again. If I sleep and never wake up, I would be so lucky!
Just yesterday, I just lost my virginity to a guy I met. He's so understanding and mad cool . I don't really know what to feel or how to feel anymore. I just feel so cold and rigid I can't even be myself.
I can tell him anything without him judging me critically. We talk on the phone for hours and hours straight. I like him alot. He's very special to me or do I really feel that way? I just want someone to make me feel special.
I just want to learn how to deal with life and my emotions and NOT let my past get the best of me.
