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Old 01-30-2009  
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Default Social Anxiety - Stop Playing the Victim

SA is always a result of past experience. There is a belief behind every fear. The fear is actually the result of beliefs. Observation and feedback throughout our lives led us to develop the irrational, negative beliefs that constitute SA.

For example, a newborn baby has no fear of fire until he's been conditioned to fear it. The ONLY fear that human beings are born with is a fear of loud noises. Every single other fear is the result of conditioning based on beliefs. Teach a baby that fire is dangerous and he'll believe it (or he'll touch it and see for himself). The same goes for social phobia/social anxiety. The difference is that social phobia is an irrational fear; fear of fire is rational. You could train a baby (or a child or an adult) to fear anything under the right circumstances.

SA is a series of negative beliefs that need to be changed in order for total recovery. Some fears that cause SA: fear of being judged, ridiculed, rejected, devalued, etc. as a result of socializing. That fear is the result of painful memories which have driven into the subconscious and formed the belief that socializing leads to pain, which makes socializing scary.

It's never impossible to overcome SA, but the longer we've lived with it the more "stuck in our ways" we might seem. The longer we live with a belief, the truer it becomes for us, because we have more memories linked to it, supporting it. It might take longer; it all depends on how willing we are to change our beliefs. Medication can mask the symptoms, but as long as those beliefs still exist, SA will find a way rear its ugly head.

With social anxiety, it's EASY to play the victim. It's easy to pity ourselves. It's easy to blame past experiences, genetics, our family, our friends, and so on. It's easy to say that things are hopeless. It's easy to give up.

Not only is all of the above easy to do, but it FEELS GOOD in some sick way. It feels good because it's a DRUG. When we start to pity ourselves, our brain releases chemicals that make us feel depressed, sad, frustrated, etc. We can actually become ADDICTED to those chemicals, those emotions. It's almost no different than physically taking a syringe and shooting a drug into our bloodstream. Either way, our brain responds by releasing chemicals that we've become addicted to. When we pity ourselves, it's the same as the HEROIN addict sticking the needle in his arm.

So we have to ask ourselves, do I TRULY want to change? Or do I want to continue to wallow in my own pity, to FEED my emotional addiction, to be no better than the heroin addict? As long as we continue to play the victim, we WILL NOT CHANGE. It's time to take responsibility for ourselves, for OUR life, because no one else will: not our parents, not our friends, not our spouse, not some idealistic girlfriend, not our therapist. Only WE can decide when we're ready to change. Hopefully the answer is NOW.

It is sick and wrong to be putting ourselves through this self-destructive cycle. It's NOT the only way! You CAN win the fight against anxiety! Self-pity is both the by-product and partially the cause. It's a vicious cycle that you can stop. We can replace those thoughts of self-pity with thoughts of self-improvement. Instead of getting depressed by our lack of progress, we can get excited about the progress that we ARE making.

Become addicted to SELF-IMPROVEMENT, not self-defeat. Be your own BEST FRIEND, not worst enemy. STOP playing the double role of the sadist and the masochist. PUSH yourself, ENCOURAGE yourself, be PATIENT with yourself, LOVE yourself. Next time you stick the emotional needle in your arm, make sure it's an EMPOWERING emotion.

CBT can be a huge help, but in the end, only we can change our own beliefs. We can train ourselves to recognize when we're thinking negatively/irrationally. As soon as we catch ourselves, we can focus on something else: our breathing, a song, a positive thought, anything except that negative thought. We can get better at this and start noticing negative thoughts immediately and cutting them off. The better we get, those negative thoughts will start happening less and less.


Last edited by SickJoke; 02-18-2009 at 05:42 PM..
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Old 01-30-2009  
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Default Re: Social Anxiety - Stop Playing the Victim

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Originally Posted by SickJoke
to be no better than the heroin addict?
Are heroin addicts less than people?I mean i agree with what you say well most of it..But have you been addicted to heroin?Because they have an addiction does that suddenly mean there not people,and no better than shit on your shoe?

Im not trying to start an arguement And its nice to see someone posting some constructive advice.Just maybe you should think on what ive said aswell..Im not saying id let a heroin addict in my house,but there not all scum who deserve to be shot on site as most people think.Do you think people wake up one day and decide to stick a needle in there arm..?There not all destined to rob and steal and hurt the ones around the,some of them with the right help beat there addiction.

Sorry if im coming across very defensive,I am probaly over reacting its just somthing i feel strongly about.
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Old 01-30-2009  
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Default Re: Social Anxiety - Stop Playing the Victim

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Are heroin addicts less than people?...
Regardless of your situation, there is always a better alternative than heroin. It's a terrible drug, which is why I chose to compare it with self-pity. Thanks for your input, but I don't want to turn this into a discussion on heroin. The intention of this thread is to help people overcome SA.

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Old 01-30-2009  
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Default Re: Social Anxiety - Stop Playing the Victim

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Regardless of your situation, there is always a better alternative than heroin.
I never said heroin was a good drug...Some people drink to cope,some self harm,some take drugs.Yes its not the best "alternative".. but neither is suicide or self harming,but people still do it.Unless you have been there yourself how can you judge.

Not wanting to sound bitchy because i think you give good advice,but if you didnt want it to turn into a discussion on heroin,maybe you should of left it out in the first place Anyway thats my 2 cents over and done with.
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Old 01-30-2009  
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Default Re: Social Anxiety - Stop Playing the Victim

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I never said heroin was a good drug...Some people drink to cope,some self harm,some take drugs.Yes its not the best "alternative".. but neither is suicide or self harming,but people still do it.
Those are all bad alternatives. I chose heroin because it's a terrible, self-destructive, addicting drug, just like self-pity.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Danfalc
Not wanting to sound bitchy because i think you give good advice,but if you didnt want it to turn into a discussion on heroin,maybe you should of left it out in the first place Anyway thats my 2 cents over and done with.
Thanks. As I said, the comparison between heroin addiction and self-pity addiction is a valuable tool to overcoming SA. I'm glad we're done discussing heroin now.
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Old 01-30-2009  
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Default Re: Social Anxiety - Stop Playing the Victim

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Those are all bad alternatives. I chose heroin because it's a terrible, self-destructive, addicting drug, just like self-pity.
I know they are,im not trying to say any of them are good ways of dealing with things,but i can understand why some people do.

Anyway your welcome,I honestly dont want to start an arguement i appreciate your trying to help people.
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Old 01-30-2009  
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This is sort of what I meant by happy to be unhappy, but maybe a little different. I believe that if you get in a dangerous cycle of self-pity, and that comforts you, then you're stuck. I try not to do it too much, because it probably hurts more than it helps. There are some things which suck, and you can't change, but I don't think constantly reliving them does any good. I don't know what you mean by heroin addicts though, I don't agree with that part, but for the most part I do.
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Old 01-30-2009  
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Default Re: Social Anxiety - Stop Playing the Victim

The comparison between self-pity and addiction is important to see, but a tad misguided I think.

The reason why people with SA love to feel self-pity, sadness and hopelessness is that its really the only thing that stops the pain of constant anxiety. There is incredible relief when we stop fighting anxiety and give into sadness and pity because it takes away the need to fight anxiety...atleast for a short time.

It's not sick nor it is wrong...it just is that way because you can never directly win the fight against anxiety and you have to eventually give into to self-pity to clear out for the next round. In other words, the self-pity is just the by-product not the cause.

I love the last paragraph though! And well said.
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Old 01-30-2009  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Psychedelicious
This is sort of what I meant by happy to be unhappy, but maybe a little different. I believe that if you get in a dangerous cycle of self-pity, and that comforts you, then you're stuck. I try not to do it too much, because it probably hurts more than it helps. There are some things which suck, and you can't change, but I don't think constantly reliving them does any good. I don't know what you mean by heroin addicts though, I don't agree with that part, but for the most part I do.
Thanks! This is definitely similar to being "happy to be unhappy," maybe even the same concept worded differently.

As for the comparison to a heroin addiction, it's this:
When you start to pity yourself, your brain releases chemicals that make you feel depressed, sad, frustrated, etc. You can actually become ADDICTED to those chemicals, those emotions. It's almost no different than physically taking a syringe and shooting a drug into your bloodstream. Either way, your brain responds by releasing chemicals that you've become addicted to.

AKA SickJoke. This is an old username. I only check PM's on SickJoke.

Can't get a girlfriend?
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/can...rk-side-17215/
Stop Playing the Victim: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt22795.html
Solutions to Common Problems: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt22734.html
Keys to Overcome Social Anxiety: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/the...anxiety-16928/
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Old 01-30-2009  
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Default Re: Social Anxiety - Stop Playing the Victim

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Originally Posted by cosmosis
The reason why people with SA love to feel self-pity, sadness and hopelessness is that its really the only thing that stops the pain of constant anxiety. There is incredible relief when we stop fighting anxiety and give into sadness and pity because it takes away the need to fight anxiety...atleast for a short time.
Exactly! But you can replace those thoughts of self-pity with thoughts of self-improvement. Instead of getting depressed by your lack of progress, you can get excited about the progress that you ARE making.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cosmosis
It's not sick nor it is wrong...it just is that way because you can never directly win the fight against anxiety and you have to eventually give into to self-pity to clear out for the next round. In other words, the self-pity is just the by-product not the cause.
It is sick AND wrong to be putting yourself through this self-destructive cycle. It's NOT the only way! You CAN directly win the fight against anxiety! Self-pity is BOTH the by-product AND partially the cause. It's a vicious cycle that you CAN stop. The purpose of this thread is to help you realize this and start making changes.


Quote:
Originally Posted by cosmosis
I love the last paragraph though! And well said.
Thank you!!

AKA SickJoke. This is an old username. I only check PM's on SickJoke.

Can't get a girlfriend?
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/can...rk-side-17215/
Stop Playing the Victim: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt22795.html
Solutions to Common Problems: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt22734.html
Keys to Overcome Social Anxiety: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/the...anxiety-16928/
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