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Old 06-21-2005  
J
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Horatio: I've had girls approach me *because* I was shy, so... don't believe everything you read in so-called self-help books (most of which are useless, many of which are wrong and harmful!).

Rossettismuse: Sorry mate, but your post is, as you put it, 'rubbish'! I think most guys here would be amazed at how many women are *not* being constantly propositioned by men. As far as being 'too picky', there's the issue of the quality of men doing all the alleged propositioning... there are some seriously creepy outgoing/confident always-on-the-prowl men out there, and if I were a girl I sure wouldn't date most of them-- as sure as you probably wouldn't date just anyone who asked you out. Even if a person feels desperate, they always have standards (maybe lower than on a good day, but ya know...).
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Old 06-21-2005  
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You talk about the "quality" of men propositioning you, but why, why, OH! why don't you give these guys a chance. You probably write them off after 20 seconds of knowing them. It is extremely torturous for an S.P man to make a move on a lady(Well, women won't make a move on us). Most of the time we may well appear "creepy", but that's down to nervousness, ie. lack of eye contact, sweating, blushing etc.

GIVE US A BREAK.
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Old 06-21-2005  
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I said IF I was a girl... I'm a guy

I do see your point-- but also, have you ever written off a girl in the first 20 seconds? Have you ever looked at a female and thought "Even if I get the chance, hell no"?

People of both sexes aren't all that great at giving strangers the benefit of the doubt--something that works against anyone with a 'flaw', be it SA, being overweight, not looking like a movie star, not full of confidence, whatever it may be.
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Old 06-24-2005  
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cassie is that you in the picture? god...you look like marilyn monroe. i mean manson
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Old 07-02-2005  
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Maybe social anxiety boys can go out with social anxiety girls? Would they have socially anxious relationships or the other way around, because they understand eachother? The latter sounds nice.

Speaking as a girl, socially healthy people scare me . They sound better in theory, but if I had to ask anyone out, it would be a shy guy, and probably because they were the only shy person in the area. And I would probably have to, because I can't even imagine being asked out. :roll:

On a lighter and slightly off topic note, if everybody was socially phobic, then confidence would be an illness. And drugs would be prescribed to 'cure' people.
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Old 07-02-2005  
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I beleive that some guys try too hard.

In my experience I have found that I met more women when I wasn't looking to do so than when I was really trying. I think that it has a lot to do with being more relaxed and just being yourself. When you want to meet someone really bad than you tend to get uptight and to talk more seriously than you would under other circumstances. This gives the wrong impression to the girl/woman despite your best efforts to try and act "cool".

Two men look through the same bars, one sees mud the other sees stars.
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Old 07-02-2005  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Horatio
I ended up absolutely devastated after reading the book. It made it clear that guys with socialphobia and depression have virtually nil chance of getting a girl. Girls DO go for confidence along with physical and emotional strength. One whiff of weakness and she is out of there. The idea is to hide your flaws for the first few weeks or months and then start being honest but thats too hard for socialphobics who stutter and blush and make an *** of themselves.

Don't let some crappy book depress you. We talked a lot about that book in my human communication class, and as far as I can tell it's all about elevating gender stereotypes. Its advice is helpful only couples that get into endless circular arguments about nothing AND fit the gender stereotypes. They actually get into what kind of guys all gals go for? That's total crap. All people are different.
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Old 07-02-2005  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GettingThere
I beleive that some guys try too hard.

In my experience I have found that I met more women when I wasn't looking to do so than when I was really trying. I think that it has a lot to do with being more relaxed and just being yourself. When you want to meet someone really bad than you tend to get uptight and to talk more seriously than you would under other circumstances. This gives the wrong impression to the girl/woman despite your best efforts to try and act "cool".
Ive done both.... I can go for months on end not bothering to look for girls and just "being myself" and girls dont go near me and other times I make a real effort and the same thing happens

either way no matter what I do girls make it clear to me that Im NOT ACCEPTABLE to them

tonight for instance, I simply do not learn, yet again I decided that staying at home alone wont help my situation so I was stupid enough to spend $100 on new clothes and headed into town. all I managed to accomplish was spending another $100 - $150 on alcohol and be told YET AGAIN by girls that Im not good enough

Im sick to ****ing death of it. Make an effort or not make an effort it makes no difference. I have as much chance of meeting a girl under my house or in the attic as I do out in public.

oh well, Im overweight and unconfident so I guess I deserve to be mocked

I hear the cremation diet helps you lose excess weight really fast, might have to give that one a try I think
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Old 07-02-2005  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Horatio

.......either way no matter what I do girls make it clear to me that Im NOT ACCEPTABLE to them

tonight for instance, I simply do not learn, yet again I decided that staying at home alone wont help my situation so I was stupid enough to spend $100 on new clothes and headed into town. all I managed to accomplish was spending another $100 - $150 on alcohol and be told YET AGAIN by girls that Im not good enough....

oh well, Im overweight and unconfident so I guess I deserve to be mocked.......
1. I'm sure that plenty of girls feel the same way.

2. Nightclubs and the like can be a truly horrible experience. Sometimes they feel like everybody left their souls at home. I have left these places late at night feeling like absolute crap. Trouble is finding other ways to meet girls I guess.

3. Nobody deserves to be mocked. From reading your posts it seems clear that you are a nice guy, cut yourself some slack. Sometimes that is not easy to do I know.

Two men look through the same bars, one sees mud the other sees stars.
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Old 07-03-2005  
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Originally Posted by Horatio
oh well, Im overweight and unconfident so I guess I deserve to be mocked
Who said that being confident and skinny was the 'correct' way to go? Who gets to decide these misconceptions?

People can be shallow, and my god nightclubs are breeding grounds for this sort of attitude. I also have been to clubs and have left wondering what the point was.

You said you've tried both actively and passively looking for a partner, but does that mean you've only ever looked at other women who were searching? A lot of people who want companionship don't neccessarily make it obvious or use dating agencies...have you tried targeting people who share your interests? From some past posts from you I remember you had strong interests in historical battle ships (am I right? I may have mistaken this sorry if I have!!)

:?:
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