Sometimes I wonder if I like the theory behind people more than I do people

Lost Girl

Well-known member
I'm not talking about any specific people mind you. Obviously, there are individuals that I like very much. But in a general sense, I think I'm more interested in the what, how, and why behind people... Which i suppose is why i put a wall up, even to those I do like, and prefer to observe and understand, from a distance. As for humanity as a whole... I've always been perplexed on this issue... Do I love humanity? Or do I hate it? Love/hate, hate/love... I think I love the potential humanity has, and I love the rare beautiful moments that humans can share; acts of kindness and selflessness.. They melt me... but overall I'm disappointed. What we lower ourselves to, the limitations we create for ourselves, what we accept as "normal"... My idealism is the source of my misery. Does anyone else relate to these sentiments?
 

Odo

Banned
Modern society encourages isolation mixed with highly organized social interaction... and that means we're all probably more alienated from each other, which also gives us too much room to formulate unrealistic expectations about other people to match our unrealistic sense of self.

I truly do believe that the 'norm' is overall less of a problem than uncompromising individualism... and worst of all, moral relativism.

Nobody is obligated to make you happy... if you want people to care about you, you should probably try leading by example. I'm not saying you're wrong to feel the way you do, just that you might want to ask yourself if it's altogether likely that every single human being on the planet is truly responsible for the way you feel or if you've created a narrative to turn your frustrations into something that absolves you of the responsibility to find your own happiness.
 
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Lost Girl

Well-known member
That went in an unexpected direction.. But from my wording and because i drifted iff into a whole other tangent, i understand you interpreting it the way you did. I agree 100% that no one is obligated to make me or anyone happy; I don't wish for anyone to serve me in that way at all. As for wanting people to care about me... I don't understand where you've gotten that from really... I have many people that care for me, more than I can handle truthfully. But I'm more than aware that I am too idealistic, and my naïveté in that regard is a huge problem.


Just to clarify, (and this is my own fault for drifting off into another tangent) my post was more asking if people can relate to being more interested in the theory behind people as opposed to people themselves... This is something that I've realised during some recent self-reflection. I somewhat avoid people I care about dearly, turn them down whenever there is a chance for a relationship to progress, yet I'm still very interested in them, more, the theory of them. What caused them to be a certain way, why they make certain choices, etc... I'm not articulating myself very well today, apologies if its difficult to grasp exactly what I mean >_<
 

Xervello

Well-known member
I'm not talking about any specific people mind you. Obviously, there are individuals that I like very much. But in a general sense, I think I'm more interested in the what, how, and why behind people... Which i suppose is why i put a wall up, even to those I do like, and prefer to observe and understand, from a distance. As for humanity as a whole... I've always been perplexed on this issue... Do I love humanity? Or do I hate it? Love/hate, hate/love... I think I love the potential humanity has, and I love the rare beautiful moments that humans can share; acts of kindness and selflessness.. They melt me... but overall I'm disappointed. What we lower ourselves to, the limitations we create for ourselves, what we accept as "normal"... My idealism is the source of my misery. Does anyone else relate to these sentiments?


When I was in my 20's I had those exact same thoughts and feelings. And to a large extent I still do. Are you interested in psychology, generally? For me, I was intrigued by the how's and why's of a person, what made them 'them', etc, but not so much the other stuff - the obvious humor, the pettiness, their own lack of curiosity, narcissism, and so on. Then every so often I'd meet someone who not only bucked those negative expectations but interested me in ways I hadn't anticipated. That's what kept me actively seeking out knowing people.

Another reason for the wall you put up might be because you don't want to be scrutinized by people the way you do to them. Or at least, that was one of my fears. I didn't want to be dissected by others the way I would them. Not in a negative way, mind you, but out of genuine curiosity. I've become a master of deflection. After awhile though, it got to the point where I had difficulty being able to talk about myself when I wanted to; I'd simply forgotten how.
 

Lost Girl

Well-known member
When I was in my 20's I had those exact same thoughts and feelings. And to a large extent I still do. Are you interested in psychology, generally? For me, I was intrigued by the how's and why's of a person, what made them 'them', etc, but not so much the other stuff - the obvious humor, the pettiness, their own lack of curiosity, narcissism, and so on. Then every so often I'd meet someone who not only bucked those negative expectations but interested me in ways I hadn't anticipated. That's what kept me actively seeking out knowing people.

Another reason for the wall you put up might be because you don't want to be scrutinized by people the way you do to them. Or at least, that was one of my fears. I didn't want to be dissected by others the way I would them. Not in a negative way, mind you, but out of genuine curiosity. I've become a master of deflection. After awhile though, it got to the point where I had difficulty being able to talk about myself when I wanted to; I'd simply forgotten how.

I do take a general interest in pyschology, yes. Reading your post made me smile - you definitely know what I'm talking about, I relate to much of what you said.

I'd never thought of it that way.. that I perhaps put a wall up for that reason, as obvious as it seems now... This could tie in with the notion - fear - almost paranoia that I've always had and do have that I'm being "watched". Remembering back to when I was very young, I've always silently observed others, working them out, while largely wanting to remain unnoticed; invisible.. this fear, all this time, could very well be no more than a reflection of this... i actually can't believe it's taken me this long to realise it. This is huge for me. Xervello - thank you.
 

Xervello

Well-known member
I do take a general interest in pyschology, yes. Reading your post made me smile - you definitely know what I'm talking about, I relate to much of what you said.

I'd never thought of it that way.. that I perhaps put a wall up for that reason, as obvious as it seems now... This could tie in with the notion - fear - almost paranoia that I've always had and do have that I'm being "watched". Remembering back to when I was very young, I've always silently observed others, working them out, while largely wanting to remain unnoticed; invisible.. this fear, all this time, could very well be no more than a reflection of this... i actually can't believe it's taken me this long to realise it. This is huge for me. Xervello - thank you.

I'm glad to have helped. :) I just wish I had an answer in what to do about it, ha ha. I'm still working on that one. As for the being "watched" thing, I completely understand. When in public, I often act - posture, hand placement, double-checking my appearance - as if someone IS watching, even if no one is. That sounds paranoid, and it is. Though I realize probably no one is watching me, and if they are, they don't care or won't remember me ten minutes after I've gone. But at the same time I can't help but behave as if they are watching, staring, judging, whatever. Goes back to the whole not-wanting-to-be-scrutinized thing, I guess. By the way, do you have anyone you can talk about yourself with? I have a few longtime online friends that I feel comfortable with. I can tell them just about anything if I wanted to, though I still prefer to deflect. Force of habit.
 
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