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Old 04-06-2009  
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Artanis's Avatar
 

Default starving for human affection and intimacy

I don't know what is wrong with me today, for an avoidant and love-shy guy I feel as though I'm 'in heat' where I'm desperately wanting to both give and receive affection from some barely imaginary pretty girl...

Unlike usual, my mind is focussed on thoughts of passionate kissing and fondling, and I never thought I would say this but my loins ache... and it's only been a few hours since I experienced "the clouds and the rain"... I don't get it...

I've been frustratingly alone and starving for human affection below my completely inhibited surface for a whole decade now since the beginnings of ****rty... why is it all of a sudden that I'm feeling so desperate for intimate affection? - and more importantly, how should I proceed?

I know that frustration and other negative emotions can be bottled up until something triggers the floodgates open... can the same be said for the bottling up of feelings of desiring intimacy? - I'm not talking about simple sexual gratification, I'm talking about something emotionally deeper than that...

My story of social anxiety, avoidance, and love-shyness can be found here:
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/lov...15/#post152530
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Old 04-06-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

awww... I get those feelings too every once in a while, but I'm too shy to act on them.. honestly don't have any advice you ya... sorry
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Old 04-06-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

I think that's really normal but I guess there isn't too much you can do except be patient .. or a hooker.

Maybe you could try meeting a girl online..
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Old 04-06-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

you have the same "spiritual void" that I have. Many of us have this feeling, and it sucks. By coming here at least you can express those feelings but of course it wont bring you intimacy

"Sometimes even to live is an act of courage"
-Seneca
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Old 04-06-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

yea man, I know the feeling! It's just natural for blokes to feel like this from time to time [women too assumedly!]....but it will pass.

I guess there are a few options you could take. You could ride it out. In a day or two you'll probably feel much better.....Or you could revisit the "clouds and the rain"! ...shall we say!......or you could express how you feel somehow in a painting or song or write it out....or if you wanted to do something about it, you could take some steps and try joining a dating site or a club or go to a pub or try saying hello to someone you like or some other kind of active step toward meeting new people.

You've got this energy inside you atm which can be a very healthy, motivating thing, and is better than feeling numb....but it's up to you where you decide to focus that energy.


Last edited by worrywort; 04-06-2009 at 07:28 AM..
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Old 04-13-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

I admit I get these feelings quite a bit too.

The only advice would be to try to man up as much as possible. Everything comes from the inside first. What do you want to achieve? Set yourself goals and focus on them. You are a man, there are many possibilities out there for you.
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Old 04-13-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Artanis View Post
I don't know what is wrong with me today, for an avoidant and love-shy guy I feel as though I'm 'in heat' where I'm desperately wanting to both give and receive affection from some barely imaginary pretty girl...

Unlike usual, my mind is focussed on thoughts of passionate kissing and fondling, and I never thought I would say this but my loins ache... and it's only been a few hours since I experienced "the clouds and the rain"... I don't get it...

I've been frustratingly alone and starving for human affection below my completely inhibited surface for a whole decade now since the beginnings of ****rty... why is it all of a sudden that I'm feeling so desperate for intimate affection? - and more importantly, how should I proceed?

I know that frustration and other negative emotions can be bottled up until something triggers the floodgates open... can the same be said for the bottling up of feelings of desiring intimacy? - I'm not talking about simple sexual gratification, I'm talking about something emotionally deeper than that...
I feel the same exact way a lot of the time but, unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about it. & even if there was something I could do about it, I'd be too afraid to do it...

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” _Dr. Theodor Seuss Geisel
* * * * *
"Words have the power to both destroy and heal.
When words are both true and kind, they can change our world."
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Old 04-13-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

I feel exactly the same too, I've never had the chance to give and receive affection, and its just been building up for years.
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Old 04-13-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

It's frustrating i know. I yearn for a woman to atleast cuddle and hold hands with. Looks like i have to make do with my imaginary girlfriend
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Old 04-13-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

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Originally Posted by recluse View Post
It's frustrating i know. I yearn for a woman to atleast cuddle and hold hands with. Looks like i have to make do with my imaginary girlfriend
Yeah I have to do a lot of imagining.
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Old 04-14-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

to deal with the cognitive dissonance of having an 'imaginary girlfriend' when in high school, I put that part of my mind through the imagined experience of having said girlfriend dying in a hit-and-run car accident...

perhaps because of that I also have a phobia of driving motorized road vehicles...

My story of social anxiety, avoidance, and love-shyness can be found here:
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/lov...15/#post152530
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Old 04-15-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Artanis View Post
I don't know what is wrong with me today, for an avoidant and love-shy guy I feel as though I'm 'in heat' where I'm desperately wanting to both give and receive affection from some barely imaginary pretty girl...

Unlike usual, my mind is focussed on thoughts of passionate kissing and fondling, and I never thought I would say this but my loins ache... and it's only been a few hours since I experienced "the clouds and the rain"... I don't get it...

I've been frustratingly alone and starving for human affection below my completely inhibited surface for a whole decade now since the beginnings of ****rty... why is it all of a sudden that I'm feeling so desperate for intimate affection? - and more importantly, how should I proceed?

I know that frustration and other negative emotions can be bottled up until something triggers the floodgates open... can the same be said for the bottling up of feelings of desiring intimacy? - I'm not talking about simple sexual gratification, I'm talking about something emotionally deeper than that...
That's the story of my life since I was like 14. I constantly want affection and to give it. And not even sex, I mean just intimacy and affection. Like you said something emotionally deeper, I want that so freakin bad.
I find it funny when people say to go to a hooker. That wouldn't do anything, I want affection and something real, not just meaningless sex.
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Old 04-20-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

Quote:
Originally Posted by zootdroop View Post
That's the story of my life since I was like 14. I constantly want affection and to give it. And not even sex, I mean just intimacy and affection. Like you said something emotionally deeper, I want that so freakin bad.
I find it funny when people say to go to a hooker. That wouldn't do anything, I want affection and something real, not just meaningless sex.
Yes, that's it exactly.

My story of social anxiety, avoidance, and love-shyness can be found here:
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/lov...15/#post152530
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Old 04-21-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

could not agree more....

:(

(and Artanis - i did read your whole story)...
i dont know what to really answer you about what you can do... but well.... if you feel li havin a non shalow friendly conversation sometime - talk to me...

i know i can always use some too...

shadows.
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Old 04-21-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

*like having

(sorry for all the typos :(((
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Old 04-22-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

Calm your mind, slow your breathing and heartbeat, then empty your mind with your eyes closed, focus on an imaginary white dot, and listen to this (or just open your eyes and stare at it):


This is a very great and relaxing music (with some beautiful art) and when I listen to it, all my troubles, worries, urges, desires, just fade away and I am free from the longings of the body and the mind.

My favorite quotes:

"Our greatest battles are that with our own minds"

"Do not follow where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail"
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Old 04-22-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

Realise that the need for sex and emotional intimacy and affection comes from the desires of the body, and they are all instincts, and do not represent 'your' desires. Understand this, and remove this from your mind, and you will experience true pleasure, not physical, not emotional, pleasure, but pleasure that comes from a calm, relaxed and trouble-free mind.

My favorite quotes:

"Our greatest battles are that with our own minds"

"Do not follow where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail"
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Old 04-22-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

The more you're deprived of those "natural human urges" the more frustrated you get ... it's a vicious circle. I've been in a situation like you are in now for years, maybe even a decade .... only thing that helps me is booze and pills (xanax and other alike). I'm full of frustrations, anger, rage and i'm afraid what might happen if i lose that one thing that still keeps me together.

So, no help as usual from my posts, but at least you know you're not alone or worst off
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Old 04-23-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

Quote:
Originally Posted by persian View Post
The more you're deprived of those "natural human urges" the more frustrated you get ... it's a vicious circle. I've been in a situation like you are in now for years, maybe even a decade .... only thing that helps me is booze and pills (xanax and other alike). I'm full of frustrations, anger, rage and i'm afraid what might happen if i lose that one thing that still keeps me together.

So, no help as usual from my posts, but at least you know you're not alone or worst off
did you read my post above? u dont need booze and pills. you need meditation. it works very well

My favorite quotes:

"Our greatest battles are that with our own minds"

"Do not follow where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail"
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Old 04-23-2009  
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Default Re: starving for human affection and intimacy

Whenever I say I want to lose my virginity, it's actually not the physical euphoria of sex that I'm attracted to, but rather the idea of passionate contact with someone who cares for me.

I don't really care about the physical pleasure of sex; there is porn and masturbation for that. Emotional intimacy on the other hand, is a great social pleasure that I'll probably never be able to experience.
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