Stepping away from negative thoughts
I have allowed into my world "being present" & not expressing "myself" .
I have read the boards here & there, & not posted in the continual flame war between right & wrong/good & evil.
At first I fanned the flames & created shockwaves preaching "enlightenment" to the fundamentalists that opposed "my" beliefs.
Eventually, I began to shift inside. Fueling the inner drama & becoming identified with "my proposition" as it were.
I spent my time observing my own reactions to this & that,attempting to change my level of presence.
When I felt inner negativity, I used that as a signpost to be present. Especially when I noticed "negativity" within someone else's post. At that moment, I felt the "negative energy" in the words, I became present. Focusing on the feelings of anger that arose in me as I "became" one with the person who typed it (in some respect).
I began to seek out posts now that draw out that duality within. Things that draw "anger" out of "myself". Working to transmute each negative feeling into nothing.
I noticed quickly that there was a person here being defended with these feelings.
I once thought "Am I proud of myself?" I finally got it.
I finally began reaching deeper to the point I realized (finally) that, "I" & "myself" are meaningless.
Who is myself? The "other entity" within my thoughts that I have an ongoing relationship with.
Who is "I"? The one who is in control of the present moment? Strange.. neither of them are even me.
there is no need for these people to exist within me any longer.
Myself is the person who "I" defends, & who has opinions...who carries the negativity & is never truly happy.
therefore I am going to kill "myself"... from now on there will only be one of me & I won't have a relationship within.
So starting this very moment, that person has been destroyed (myself). Severed are the ties of our relationship.The time for that relationship has come & gone as well as served it's purpose.
Sharing this experience, because in a way, you helped to achieve it.
The being who types this is present. The being who reads this is present. No longer will I judge you, because this being has nothing to gain from feeling superior or seperate from you.
There cannot be another moment of regret, no longer will I hate "myself" or even love "myself".From now on there will be no fear of "losing myself" it is dead & nothing is left for "me" to lose.
Attaching a man made label on my being will no longer suffice. This being only knows this moment, now and forever.
This moment is forever and never. It is & it is over. It is the begining & the ending, no other moment will ever be better or worse than this.
Dissolve the mind that reads this. Be present.