Super-Avoidant

I think I am the fastest learner on the planet. That's all avoidance really is. Anytime something bad happens to me, I avoid that situation and all situations relating to it Forever. Sorry if I'm being a downer, I just have to get it out.
I never want to get close to anyone again because I always let them down. I never fit in and it isn't fair to them. It's for their own good. Anyone else Super Avoidant? I took a test online and I'm something like 80% avoidant and all the rest obsessive. What a combo. I wish it weren't so. I know avoiding all intimate relationships will get me nowhere....but....it's easier.....

thequietone said:

I think I am the fastest learner on the planet. That's all avoidance really is. Anytime something bad happens to me, I avoid that situation and all situations relating to it Forever. Sorry if I'm being a downer, I just have to get it out.
I never want to get close to anyone again because I always let them down. I never fit in and it isn't fair to them. It's for their own good. Anyone else Super Avoidant? I took a test online and I'm something like 80% avoidant and all the rest obsessive. What a combo. I wish it weren't so. I know avoiding all intimate relationships will get me nowhere....but....it's easier.....

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The first step to recovery is wanting to get better. Do you want to get better? Look inside yourself. I ask because sometimes it can be easier and more comfortable to wallow in self-pity, I know because I've been there. Maybe, deep within, you even feel a bit of perverse pride at being 80% avoidant. I'm 80% avoidant, it's beyond my control, these problems aren't my fault and I can't do anything to fix them. Not trying to mock you or hurt you, just reflecting on some thoughts that I used to have, that you may be having too.

Do you WANT to get better?
Are you willing to WORK at it?

I don't think there is a person that DOESN'T want to overcome (or come to terms with) their SA. How they go about it may affect the outcome and herein lies the problem. Because SA is a mental illness, an area the public continues to be largely ignorant of, the onus for "getting better" is on the afflicted individual. If, say, you were shot, but didn't really feel like going to the hospital, would you have to "want to get better" in order to recover? No - what you think doesn't even enter into the equation. It is the duty of the medical establishment to assist an individual who has suffered a grievous wound or is dying from a terminal illness.

I don't see how SA (particularly generalised SA) is any different, except that no effective treatment has been devised to deal with it. People like to throw around the statistic of an 80% recovery rate for CBT, but I suspect this number is comprised in large part, if not entirely, of sub-threshold sufferers (sub-threshold being those who are affected in only one social area such as public speaking or eating in front of others as opposed to across the board fear).

Falcon is right in terms of what is available at the moment in terms of treatment; the impetus must come from the individual. As far as the swift recovery of the individual, this mindset is dead wrong, as few can repeatedly muster the energy to endure through dead end treatments, medications, social isolation, depression, and the constant questioning of the validity of their condition.

Can you give a link to the test you took?

I think the human race needs to have its ass kicked. Way to listen and give sympathy. Way to try and understand. No one was asking for advice here. Who wants to be told what to do before they were even heard?

ANYWAYS.

I totally hear you. Let's just for one minute say fuckyougettingbetter. Because honey, I doubt you'll want to get better just because some stupidonlinefucks tell you to.

RIGHT.

What I'm trying to tell you is that you are not alone. NOT AT ALL. I find it rather interesting, the patterns us aviodee’s have. Damn right 80%. I feel like everyone else is always happy and brave and can make small talk and here I am too afraid to get a job because of some evil lady years ago that hurt me.

Don't you wish we could just screw thatmuterfuckingpast and get on with today? Let’s brainstorm ideas on how to do this.

My first idea:

Forgive. How about we forgive everyone that has hurt us. Lets think of all the wrongs we have accidentally done on others, how we hurt them without wanting to. So count to 3 ok? 1…2…get ready to do it…3!! FORGIVE!

Ok. What are your ideas on how to get over this avoidanceshit that’s causing us to miss out on some pretty cool stuff in life?

Lots of love and sympathy,
Antarctica

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

I'm not sure if this is the exact test I took, but it was something very similar. There's a billion of them out there, just google search it.

I reread my post and realized it did sound a little self-pitying, when really that is not me at all, so I understand why I got some of the responses I did. LemonKiss, thanks for sticking up for me, though! I like what you said about forgiveness. I'm willing to try everything in my power to get better because I realize it's up to me in the end. Of course, there are times when the future looks bleak. When you've suffered for a long time you tend to loose sight of your goals.

The point is, not giving up. I know I'm on the right track, seeking help and all that, and I'm going to trust time to heal me and trust myself to be as brave against my avoidant self-hating, destructive behavior.
I'll just keep going! That's all I can do.

Thanks for the responses, for the sympathy and help.
~thequietone

I have realized that people who are self-pitying don't need sympathy, even though they might want it. It reinforces the negative behavior. It might feel nice to give them sympathy, and nice to receive it, but it's defeatist.

Someone who says "I wish it weren't so" is crying for help. That's the most important phrase in his entire post. Sympathy and a shoulder to cry on will not help.

Again, I am not trying to be a jerk. I've been in this exact situation myself. When I realized that sympathy was enabling me to dig myself deeper, I stopped going to people who I knew would offer it.

thequietone,

The point is, not giving up. I know I'm on the right track, seeking help and all that, and I'm going to trust time to heal me and trust myself to be as brave against my avoidant self-hating, destructive behavior.
I'll just keep going! That's all I can do.

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This is an excellent attitude and you will make great strides!

iam definatetly super SUPER avoidant. i have an awesome shield or barrier around me that prevents people getting close to me. i push em, ignore them till they go away. I come off as standoffish and arrogant and people just take an instant dislike to me.
I guess its a trust issue or something, I am just reject people first before they can reject me, that way my low self esteem cant get hurt.

I'm super avoidant and that affects my whole life. I avoid anything that can harm my low self-esteem. I want to get rid of this,but I can't. And the worst thing is that people misunderstand it,thinking that I'm selfish and bad.

I'm happy when I see people just like me,tehStranger. For a moment I thought that I had doubleposted it,but the avatar was different.