dottie
Well-known member
Having AvPD I often find people take me as a snob. This is so frustrating. SO frustrating. People talk to me but I have nothing to say back, my mind goes blank. It's like stage fright. I try and hide the SA but it just feels like it backfires. Below is my experience from today.
Today at work one of the managers kept giving me crap. I don't think he likes me much because I'm new and make mistakes. He got a complaint at international headquarters because of it and he said it reflected poorly on him. I apologized and said I would ask for help if I felt overwhelmed next time even though in reality I DO think this boils down to management's fault! They know I'm new and couldn't handle that much!!! Even an experienced person would be totally overwhelmed! Anyways, one of the managers has me on his shitlist.
So, a couple of times today he kept trying to joke around with me but I just did not get any of his jokes. Some peoples' sense of humor is in a style where they say something and just expect me to get it instantly even though it is so vague and not really funny at all. So, every once in awhile when I was busy doing stuff he would say something to me (he expected me to be paying attention to his every word even though I was preoccupied). I would ask him what he just said (since I didn't fully hear), he would repeat his stupid joke and wait for a response, and I felt obligated to fake laugh but... it just wasn't funny. And he seemed disappointed/annoyed/looking down on me because I wasn't getting it.
For one of his jokes he said something like, "Oh this is all dottie's dault," joking around... I didn't know wtf to say and I said, "Yeah it's always my fault. Everything's my fault." This is the part I don't get: he quietly responded with, "How is the air up there?" ... ... ... I didn't say anything back, wtf do I say to that? Was he implying I think I'm higher/better than everyone else? Does he think I'm a snob because I don't think his jokes are funny? I don't mean to come across as a snob, that's the last thing I want, but I don't know what to say or how to respond to his jokes. I go 100% blank when he is looking at me, spotlight's on, waiting with baited breath for my genius witty retort. Sorry for the letdown, ASSHOLE.
At one point today he pointed out that I don't talk, that I don't respond. He asked, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" to another coworker. I didn't know what to say but it was so awkward and on-the-spot so I said the first thing that flew from my mouth, "It's a good thing, I'm obedient." It was such an awkward response that it shut him up. Probably confused him and he probably dismissed me as... oh god can't think of the word- flippant toward authority.
What happens with me that makes me look like a snob is that some of my coworkers I find easier to socialize with than others. Some of them are very extroverted, ask me questions, pry and get me to talk- so it helps me open up. With other coworkers, I just don't *get* them so I avoid them altogether. This makes me seem like a snob because I will talk to some people while other people I will avoid at all costs.
Things like this is what makes being AvPD so draining. I never know when I'm going to be put on the spot and judged like that. I feel like I always have to be on guard, and despite the fact that I am always on gaurd, I still have nothing to say.
Now I feel like avoiding that manager altogether. There are certain people that I just don't get that misread me, dismiss me as a snob, and it makes me feel all the more avoidant towards them. Story of my life.
Today at work one of the managers kept giving me crap. I don't think he likes me much because I'm new and make mistakes. He got a complaint at international headquarters because of it and he said it reflected poorly on him. I apologized and said I would ask for help if I felt overwhelmed next time even though in reality I DO think this boils down to management's fault! They know I'm new and couldn't handle that much!!! Even an experienced person would be totally overwhelmed! Anyways, one of the managers has me on his shitlist.
So, a couple of times today he kept trying to joke around with me but I just did not get any of his jokes. Some peoples' sense of humor is in a style where they say something and just expect me to get it instantly even though it is so vague and not really funny at all. So, every once in awhile when I was busy doing stuff he would say something to me (he expected me to be paying attention to his every word even though I was preoccupied). I would ask him what he just said (since I didn't fully hear), he would repeat his stupid joke and wait for a response, and I felt obligated to fake laugh but... it just wasn't funny. And he seemed disappointed/annoyed/looking down on me because I wasn't getting it.
For one of his jokes he said something like, "Oh this is all dottie's dault," joking around... I didn't know wtf to say and I said, "Yeah it's always my fault. Everything's my fault." This is the part I don't get: he quietly responded with, "How is the air up there?" ... ... ... I didn't say anything back, wtf do I say to that? Was he implying I think I'm higher/better than everyone else? Does he think I'm a snob because I don't think his jokes are funny? I don't mean to come across as a snob, that's the last thing I want, but I don't know what to say or how to respond to his jokes. I go 100% blank when he is looking at me, spotlight's on, waiting with baited breath for my genius witty retort. Sorry for the letdown, ASSHOLE.
At one point today he pointed out that I don't talk, that I don't respond. He asked, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" to another coworker. I didn't know what to say but it was so awkward and on-the-spot so I said the first thing that flew from my mouth, "It's a good thing, I'm obedient." It was such an awkward response that it shut him up. Probably confused him and he probably dismissed me as... oh god can't think of the word- flippant toward authority.
What happens with me that makes me look like a snob is that some of my coworkers I find easier to socialize with than others. Some of them are very extroverted, ask me questions, pry and get me to talk- so it helps me open up. With other coworkers, I just don't *get* them so I avoid them altogether. This makes me seem like a snob because I will talk to some people while other people I will avoid at all costs.
Things like this is what makes being AvPD so draining. I never know when I'm going to be put on the spot and judged like that. I feel like I always have to be on guard, and despite the fact that I am always on gaurd, I still have nothing to say.
Now I feel like avoiding that manager altogether. There are certain people that I just don't get that misread me, dismiss me as a snob, and it makes me feel all the more avoidant towards them. Story of my life.
