Tells me how he feels online but ignores me in person

There's this guy, he's shy. He seemed shocked that I liked him even though he is very attractive and smart. For 4 years (!) we've had a mutual attraction for each other. Online he can sometimes express to me how he feels and at times he seemed to constantly bombard me with messages. All very well and I got my hopes up, but whenever I bump into him in real life he makes out he doesn't know me. He won't ask me out. I'm really upset because I invested myself emotionally in him expecting one day he'd be brave enough to ask me out.

I've asked him out online and he ignored it. I asked him in person, he literally ran away. Why would he do this and avoid asking me when he has said to me online how I'm the one for him, how I'm his dream girl, how he needs me. He gets upset if I try to move on, sending me loads of songs about heartbreak.

How can someone message you several times a day, every day (which sometimes it is) constantly reply to posts on your fb, send love songs in your inbox, say they love you, but then do NOTHING about it?

I feel like I have to move on. We've been stuck in limbo for years and I see no hard evidence of him getting the courage up to ask me out. I'm devastated because apart from this big problem, he seems like a lovely guy who values a longterm relationship like I do.

I've felt stuck between trying to make him feel comfortable and at ease and show how I accept him, but also not trying to scare him off by being too forward. It's as if he's got used to us just chatting online and he's afraid to screw things up and lose the online stuff if we try to make it work in real life?? Also, i think he feels inadequate, as if I've done all the hard work so he hasn't had to do anything to feel man enough to earn my love and respect? I think I've mothered him by accident.

I just don't understand his logic. I suppose he thinks I will always just be there waiting for him, so he's not motivated to act on it...?

What gives?

Four years and hasn't made a move?!......Sorry, but you have to move on. Don't try to psychoanalyze him, he obviously has an impeding issue.

Try and have an open discussion, a face-to-face conversation, not online. Speak about your situation and how are things evolving, try and get to the bottom of this before letting him go. Just make sure you have tried everything because you don't want to have regrets in the future.

Communication is the key to any healthy relationship. Don't be ashamed to say your feelings because you might discover that he feels just the same.

...........I also think he likes getting your attention without having any risks or effort. I'm sure he is not consciously stringing you along but will probably subconsciously give you just enough positive feedback to keep you chasing after him.
It's like being at a dead end wall made of glass. It gives the illusion of something more.

Whatever the guy may have, I'm with I'mNotMyIllness. You have to move on.
If you daré to have a conversation with him face to face, do it but I wouldn't have got much hope. It's clear that the guy can't cross a line, perhaps he has some kind of disorder as Avoidant Personality Disorder (like me) but for now, he doesn't want or can put an effort to go closer to you.

I'm sorry!

Have you told him all this? I feel like maybe you just need to lay it all out on the table and tell him that it isnt fair to keep leading you on and making you wait. Its gonna be super hard to risk everything but if you are unhappy you gotta make a jump. Gotta try to make a change to see what could happen.Good Luck. I hope the best for you!!

He wouldn't have been in contact for this long if there wasn't some interest there but like you say maybe he is worried about proceeding to a relationship stage and what the rules of engagement will be. If he is shy maybe he feels his abilities to communicate face to face are less adequate than online and doesn't want to ruin the relationship that he feels he has built with you when you meet in person.
Maybe hes more comfortable or happier with a more distant relationship. Its easier said than done I know but sometimes giving him an ultimatum or coming to an understanding is the only way to proceed.
Let him know how you want the relationship to progress. 4 years is a l

sorry 4 years is a long time, you need answers. either he tells you what he wants or you move on!

I've read your posts on this subject before. Really you need to move on, it's clear to me nothing will change here.

After moving on, I'd suggest to lower your standards. There's plenty of guys of average intellect and average looks out there who need love too.

Truth is, picking this guy I think is lowering my standards. He's not there for me in truth. I need to make my standards higher and I think he knows that and that's partly why he is still hesitant - he knows he's not treating me right.

I've done too much for this guy and I've always just been there waiting for him - he knows this and therefore doesn't feel the need to do anything more because I've just accepted this for so long. It's been easier for him to just hide behind his computer rather than get out of his comfort zone. Well I'm sick of it in truth.

Well I hope you tell him how it is and let us know how it goes!

Yeah, as much as it can hurt, move on. It's clear you decerve someone who can give you attention.
Take care!

mamma said:

I've done too much for this guy and I've always just been there waiting for him - he knows this and therefore doesn't feel the need to do anything more because I've just accepted this for so long. It's been easier for him to just hide behind his computer rather than get out of his comfort zone. Well I'm sick of it in truth.

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Stop giving him attention. That's what he's really after. He might be using you as a barometer to test (or to reassure) whether he is desirable.

mamma said:

Truth is, picking this guy I think is lowering my standards. He's not there for me in truth. I need to make my standards higher and I think he knows that and that's partly why he is still hesitant - he knows he's not treating me right.

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Okay. I can agree with this.

May I ask... have you tried showing interest in other shy guys? Dated any? If so, I wonder how that turned out.