The past.. regrets etc.. how do you get past them?

First off, my SA started when I was about 13 years old. Before then I made friends very easily, could give presentations no problem, was just an overall happy kid. Then I suddenly started noticing that my face felt very hot when I had to play my part solo in a musical performance class (this started after I was bumped up to the advanced class after only playing a couple months, so I think it was the extra pressure). I thought nothing of it until one day a kid innocently asked me, why does your face turn red when you are the only one playing. That was the catalyst I guess you could say. After that I started getting easily flushed in presentations, whenever I was put on the spot, then finally it would randomly happen for no good reason at all. It was a gradual process how it spread to all areas of my life.

The flushing socially conditioned me into becoming a much more anxious and quiet person. Whenever I felt that burning feeling in my face I would shut down. The comments from people also start to take a toll on you. I did have friends and all, but I definitely never felt I could live up to my potential. It was frustrating how it always held me back in life.

Even with SA, I had a handful of chances where I could of had a girlfriend. For some reason I never ended up pulling the trigger. So that's what really bugs me is I could have easily had a gf at 13-15 yrs old, maybe built up some confidence, and not be a 23 yrs old that has never been in a real relationship. I feel more confident now than I did as a teen, but I seem to never let myself get close enough to a girl...I guess in fear that eventually I'll have to tell her she's my first serious relationship.

I seriously think about this every day, it used to not bug me as much.. but now that I've graduated college, and my little sisters started dating I guess it's starting to catch up to me. It definitely feels good to write it all out though.

"Its okay to look back, just dont stare"
I was and sort of am the same way in regards to thinking about the pastl.
I have regretted many things in my past, but I know that if I dwell on them I am just going to get more depressed b/c of all of the lost opportunities I have had.
I try my best to think about the future as much as possible. or do something to keep my mind off of my past when I start to think about it.

I feel just like you man and we have the same type of SA+blushing.
I am a little older then you however.
My only advice is try to get more experience with women and hopefully you will
meet one you like and she likes you and it will work.
With age SA+blushing+dating and all that just gets harder. So try to change things
while still young.
Make changes now or else the older you get the more you will look back and regret.
Good luck.

Hey Down, I friended you. Were the same age and I know exactly what you are going through.

DownInAHole said:

First off, my SA started when I was about 13 years old.

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Same here! I was 13. It started right after 8th grade ended. I became terrified I couldn't hold onto all the changes I had made in my life and would go back to being a loser. ::

DownInAHole said:

Before then I made friends very easily, could give presentations no problem, was just an overall happy kid.

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I was happy too. Life was turbulent and I had to face very severe challenges, but I was very happy. I had friends and there were far more people that I rejected than who rejected me. How things change!

DownInAHole said:

Then I suddenly started noticing that my face felt very hot when I had to play my part solo in a musical performance class...I thought nothing of it until one day a kid innocently asked me, why does your face turn red when you are the only one playing. That was the catalyst I guess you could say. After that I started getting easily flushed in presentations, whenever I was put on the spot, then finally it would randomly happen for no good reason at all. It was a gradual process how it spread to all areas of my life.

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Thats how this insidious mental illness starts. One day you get a little bit anxious in a social situation, and then slowly, over several months, you become increasingly anxious and obsessive until it consumes your life.

DownInAHole said:

Even with SA, I had a handful of chances where I could of had a girlfriend. For some reason I never ended up pulling the trigger. So that's what really bugs me is I could have easily had a gf at 13-15 yrs old, maybe built up some confidence, and not be a 23 yrs old that has never been in a real relationship.

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Same here, all my chances were wasted. Three girls who liked me were all absolutely gorgeous and a few more were very cute, and all of this between the ages of 14 and 16.

DownInAHole said:

I feel more confident now than I did as a teen, but I seem to never let myself get close enough to a girl...I guess in fear that eventually I'll have to tell her she's my first serious relationship.

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Isn't that embarrassing?! I cut off a few girls who actually WANTED to date me, as well. But mostly my problem is they don't want to know me after our first or second date.

Hey thanks for the replies guys, definitely some good advice all around. I definitely feel like I can, and do have the power to do something about it now. Every couple years you look back and realize your situation wasn't so bad at that point, and "why didn't I do something then".

Yeah I have problems with the past too. I dwelled alot on it. But ask yourself this: Is it helpful to dwell on it? All those bad thoughts, what do they do for you now? You see, use the stuff that was helpful and forget the rest.


The past is past.

PunkRotten said:

Yeah I have problems with the past too. I dwelled alot on it. But ask yourself this: Is it helpful to dwell on it? All those bad thoughts, what do they do for you now? You see, use the stuff that was helpful and forget the rest.


The past is past.

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Yeah that's the problem when I focus on the bad, I block out all the good memories. I need to start running/hitting the weights again, I think so much clearer when I do.