The problem of having nothing to talk about to people

gustavofring

gustavofring

Well-known member
Most of the time my mind is blank when it comes to talking to people about things that regular people talk about. Years of depression and being a shut-in made my life uneventful, my experiences very limited, and my knowledge about things very basic.

Cars, travelling, houses, sports, money related things, hobbies, children, marriage, going out, etc.
I come across as an isolated child when I try to engage in casual conversation even though I am 30. Even 20 year olds seem more knowledgable of the world than I am.

The things I have knowledge and am interested in, most normal people don't care about, like movies/history/etc.
 
Fey

Fey

Well-known member
I eventually got used to small talk, but I never liked it. There's so much else going on in life that eventually TV, weekends, etc, just become suffocating.
 
theoutsider

theoutsider

Well-known member
I sometimes hate making small talk. I either end up saying something stupid because I'm desperately trying to come up with something, anything to say to avoid awkward silences or I end the conversation abruptly because I've run out of things to say.
 
State_Of_Trance

State_Of_Trance

Well-known member
theoutsider said:
[...] I either end up saying something stupid because I'm desperately trying to come up with something, anything to say to avoid awkward silences or I end the conversation abruptly because I've run out of things to say.
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I don't post too frequently, but snap, just had to say that this is so close to home. Particularly the whole "saying something stupid because I'm having trouble thinking of anything at all" thing. So many bad memories...
 
GrandWarrior

GrandWarrior

Member
theoutsider said:
I sometimes hate making small talk. I either end up saying something stupid because I'm desperately trying to come up with something, anything to say to avoid awkward silences or I end the conversation abruptly because I've run out of things to say.
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This sounds like me too.
Everytime there is silence, its like you get this awkwardness even though there isn't. It gets weird when it feels almost paranoid like lol
 
Newtype

Newtype

Well-known member
I also have this problem. You've described it very well. Even though my SA is much, much better than what it used to be, to a point where I don't let it affect my life anymore, not being able to have a conversation with someone is frustrating. It's not that I'm scared to talk, it's just that I've been alone for so long and avoided talking for so long that it's like my brain has not developed the ability to have a conversation. I've been trying to fix that problem at work by saying a few things here and there, but I haven't made any progress, and when someone talks to me, I usually have one reply, then smile to end the conversation.
 
G

gpri

New member
I think it's important to develop the ability to not be embarassed by *anything*. Obviously it's easier said than done, but this is something I've been working on and it turns out to be doable..

Once you're no longer easily embarrassed, awkward silences seem less frightening. This makes the mind less preoccupied during conversation, and in turn, makes it easier to find things to say, regardless of the topic at hand.
 
BlueDays

BlueDays

1
I found something that helped me with this problem - I have no conversation skills from being shut away for years too.

I know it is terribly depressing to do this but I follow the current News stories regularly. So when faced with people I need to continue a conversation with I bring up a current news event.

I have several in my memory and choose one I think might be relevant or of some interest to the person/people I am with at the time.

If they have not seen that news story, I tell them about it. If they saw it, we can then have a conversation about it.

I find it is not as boring or pointless as small talk about tv, weather, celebrities lives etc.
 
D

DanielLewis

Well-known member
I think you should give yourself a little more credit. You probably know more than you think you do. Your mind probably just draws a blank, not because of your lack of knowledge, but because of you lack of conversational skills. I mean, you can know a lot and be a really smart person, but not a very good conversationalist/communicator. I think conversation does become a lot easier though when you live a life full of exciting and new experiences. Then, you have exciting things to share with people that you feel enthusiastic about. Bringing those things up becomes easy.
 
Hoth

Hoth

1
If you don't know about the things people small talk about but want to participate, ask them questions about those things. They'll usually enjoy explaining and feeling knowledgeable.

gustavofring said:
The things I have knowledge and am interested in, most normal people don't care about, like movies/history/etc.
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Movies have got to be one of the most common small talk topics. History is up there pretty high on the list too.
 
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