The Root Cause of SA/SP and Questions

Michelob512

Active member
Here is my belief on why some people develop SA/SP and others don't (if you don't want to read the theoretical part, just skip to my question near the end):

It all begins with childhood. I believe that for a person to develop any kind of irrational fear during adolescence or adulthood, there must have been some original fear felt during childhood involving trauma or parenting. For example, a parent might have yelled at and/or criticized the child, causing the child to feel fear by percieving a threat to their security (because their parent, on whom they rely, is angry).

Once they feel the fear, they might associate fear with a particular situation. (This is where heriditary/biological factors come in to play- some may be more suceptible to this original fear). Social phobia usually develops in adolescence either after a pattern of social shyness or after an embarrasing social incident, and it is my belief that all social fears that an SPer has only exist because they are associated unconsciously with the original childhood fears.

So my question is, how was your childhood in relation to your parents? I think if some of us describe ours we may find many commonalities. I'll start:

My parents were very strict. There was a set of rules, and if I broke any I would be yelled at and possibly spanked. If I ever talked back I would be slapped or punished. Sometimes my mother would say things like "That's a stupid thing to do!" In school I was pressured to get good grades and to never get in trouble. I think those are the key points that I can remember.
 

applesewer

Well-known member
I’d say my parents were firm but fair. Nothing unusual stands out, except for maybe my relationship with my dad. He was very distant…still is. Now I know its because he suffers from SA and depression. He’d criticize me a lot growing up, to the point where I actually hated him quite a lot during teenage. But I love him to bits now.
So yea, I dunno, maybe the criticizing part may have had an effect on me, but does anyone think it could be more of a genetic thing that an environmental thing. Cause my Dad has SA, so….

Also, I think SA might be more than just a phobia. (That’s why I always write SA instead of SP). Its like I overcame my fear of spiders recently…it wasn’t a massive fear but they’d give me the willie’s!!! But I forced myself to find increasingly large spiders and to pick them up until I have full control over them. And now I’m pretty easy around spiders.
But I’m not sure the same method could be put to social fears.

Lastly, when I was growing up, in primary school I was very social and popular. And I was the same for the first 1 or 2 years of secondary school, until, for no particular reason I just started feeling these feelings. I assumed it was a part of puberty. And when I’m around people who I’m comfortable with, i.e. my mum or my little sisters, I’m still very social….I’m actually a bit of a chatterbox. So, I dunno, I guess it seems to me more like the wires in my brain have been crossed over. And I don’t see it as a fault, it’s just the way I am.
 

LilMissTragic

Well-known member
I was brought up by mum mum and my grandparents lived just up stairs. I never got hit and really never got told off as I was pretty well behaved and had no reason to be naughty. Me and my mum were and still are very close, sadly my grandparents are dead. I had a great childhood but was always shy with people I didnt know.
 

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
my earliest memory of an SA incident was when I was 4, I had a normal upbringing and my parents were fine with me, cant think where it has arisen, my mums a nervous type, so maybe thats hereditory?
 

Michelob512

Active member
The reason I brought this all up is because my therapist uses a method that’s based on the following premise: all adult fears and fear beliefs have a childhood root, even if it seems unrelated, and by using her process, those beliefs and fears can be completely eliminated and thus so will the unwanted dysfunctional behavior and emotions. I will let you guys know how my therapy turns out- if you can believe it, my therapist has promised a cure within 5 1-hour sessions or my money back.

worrywort said: “So yea, I dunno, maybe the criticizing part may have had an effect on me, but does anyone think it could be more of a genetic thing that an environmental thing. Cause my Dad has SA, so….”

-I don’t think anything can be proven either way, unless you study identical twins who were separated at birth. If your Dad has SA, you might be genetically more predisposed to fear, or maybe your Dad unconsciously “taught” you SA. Whatever the case, I think there is at least always an environmental factor.

worrywort said: “But I forced myself to find increasingly large spiders and to pick them up until I have full control over them. And now I’m pretty easy around spiders.
But I’m not sure the same method could be put to social fears.”

SA is a complex phobia, so yeah the desensitization method probably doesn’t work as well- there are so many beliefs, associations, and triggers and everything is way more confusing than a simple phobia.

worrywort said: “Lastly, when I was growing up, in primary school I was very social and popular.”

It was the same thing with me! That’s just the nature of SA- it doesn’t kick in until around the teens. Look at it this way- where would your fears come from if they didn’t come from childhood, which is understandably where imprintation takes place and beliefs are formed.

LilMissTragic- try this: pick a belief you have that is related to your social phobia. The belief may not be a logical belief that you consciously have, what’s important is that you think thoughts in social situations about this belief (for example, “if I make a mistake, I will be rejected” or a “fear of being judged”. Then- think and ask yourself, “if there was a childhood cause for this, a root cause related to how I was brought up, what would it be?”
 
Somewhere I read that: a. criitical / absent father plus b. overprotective mother plus c. genetic predispostition equals Social Anxiety Disorder. This is just one of the ways to get it.

My father worked two jobs and wasn't around much. He sometimes fought with my mother. My mother has paranoid schizophrenia and tried to kill herself several times when I was young. I was the youngest kid and my brother and sister learned these bad traits from my folks and still treat me badly.
 

LilMissTragic

Well-known member
I dont have a problem with being judged anymore. The only approval i'm seeking now is my own. Maybe when you hit that realisation then the SP is put into a very basic perspective. I'm past caring what others think of me, I have very little interest in society as I'm happy as I am. I know my SP came from when i was bullied but in a way they did me a favour. Oh, i dont condone it but its made me who I am today and i like myself.
If I knew then what I know now I would never have let it get to me in the first place. Hind sight, dont ya just love it..lol.

I hope your therapy works for you :)
 

FroggyHope

Member
I do think that it may be a combination of both genetics and environment. But the fear of people, just like the fear of spiders, is an unrealistic fear. If you are not nervous when people are not around you, why be nervous when they are??? It does not make sence, this implies that our reaction to this fear is in our heads. Well, I really do not know the answer, but I think we have some control over this fear. We were tought, or tought ourselves to fear people for irrational reasons. The same way we learned to react to people, I think, we can teach our minds to stop reacting this way, and not care about what others think or say about us.
 

LilMissTragic

Well-known member
Scared of people...Wow, I'm not scared of people, never have been...is everyone here scared of people??

I thought it was just social situations you didn't like, I never realised yours ran so deep. I've never feared people, just the situations where i have to interact. Sure people make me feel uneasy but to be scared of them...thats really bad.
 

Michelob512

Active member
LilMiss- if you feel uneasy, that's a sign of fear. Anxiety is just a special name for fear, you just might not think so becuase its usually a lower level fear. Some people only feel the fear/anxiety when in a social situation, others feel it just thinking about the situation.

You obviously see the irrationality of fear and anxiety- but thats the whole thing about all fear! The only exceptions are fears about life threatening situations, and if you put on the proper perspective, even those can seem irrational. Think about it- if you have a problem, either it's possible to get over it or impossible, and beyond a little motivation, anxiety does no good about either situation.

It's great you can see the irrationality of fears, but that doesn't mean you don't have unconscious, uncontrollable fears.
 

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
LilMissTragic said:
Scared of people...Wow, I'm not scared of people, never have been...is everyone here scared of people??
.

certain people and specificallly gropus of them
 

applesewer

Well-known member
I just read a good essay here:

http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/biology/b103/f02/web1/awardy.html#1

It looks like the cause of SAD may have genetic and environmental roots. I think the things I inherited from my parents were probably things like, sensitivity to criticism or social scrutiny, and certain chemical imbalances. With this alone I expect I would have grown to develop SAD, but having a critical father and being bullied at school probably added to the severity of my condition. Just as I suspect naturally shy children, with SAD, probably develop more severe cases.

There’s some good links at the bottom of the essay too. This one especially:

http://socialanxiety.factsforhealth.org/whatcauses.html
 
Hi,
I was always painfully shy around strangers when I was a kid. I share the same thoughts and fears with my father, my father had a disgusting childhood, so that explains him. Where as I was really looked after and loved, however once I started high school I was verbally abused constantly. I believe being a shy kid and being abused everyday in this way made my personality evolve into who I am today.

I notice that alot of people on this forum express feelings of wanting to change, like myself. What really baffles me though is how can you change your personality? who you are?....naturally confident and out going people can't change into people like us, can they?...so how can we become like regular people?? :oops:
 

richkid

Well-known member
Hmmmm very freudian.....so tell me about your mother?

The combination of factors is to complex to simply target a problem from one thing. I don't believe a personality is fixed merely set through experiences where habits can control or be controled and therefore changed. Nothing is fixed, you have to be flexible never one or the other but balance.
 

applesewer

Well-known member
Well, for me, I don’t think I really see SAD as part of my personality (well not entirely…it’s hard to draw the line). Its like, the saying goes that when you get to heaven all your faults and cuts and bruises etc will be gone and you’ll be you…pure and healed…100% you. Well, I see my SAD as one of the things that will go. While not identical to, it’s kinda like a fear of spiders. You’re not born with a fear of spiders, but as you grow up things happen, psychologically, and you end up with this irrational fear. And I believe this can be changed. I think it’s all mind over matter stuff.

But saying that I think some things aren’t supposed to be changed. It’s hard to know which is which but sometimes the world can promote certain characteristics as better than others and you have to be careful that it’s not conformity that’s making you change. I’m not talking about SAD here, I’m talking about things like outgoing, party animal, spice girl type character traits being portrayed as the norm, when in fact there’s nothing wrong with being quiet. You just don’t get many quiet people on TV these days.

At the core of it all I think the idea that thinking can affect the way you feel is the important idea if you wanna change, but I guess it depends what you wanna change and what’s defined as “personality”.
 
Top