The socially successful sibling

squidgee

Well-known member
Anybody know what I'm talking about? That sibling that just does it better than you do. It's not just social skills too, but other aspects of life. Just looking at my brother's resume fills me with this infuriating jealousy that I feel guilty about. A bachelor degree in commerce, a master's in engineering, a volunteer maths tutor, designing race cars, 8 years of retail experience, all at the age of 23.

I can't help but feel like I'm living in the shadow of all his achievements. I officially hit the age of adulthood today, and I see myself as so much further behind than everyone else, as if everyone is running steadily towards the finish line, while I mope slowly forward, barely ahead of the starting line, tumbling and falling whenever a hurdle comes my way.

I guess this is a pretty immature way of looking at things, which just shows that I'm still in no way close to being an independent adult. I also just realised that I'm writing this because I've found myself in yet another depressive bout, tripped over another hurdle if you will, which means this will yet again be another wasted and unproductive day because I won't be able to stop thinking about it. You guys get it, you guys understand. But for all the comforting words of consolation and advice I might get here, it all feels so temporary and short-lived. It just never changes.

...

I really should stop writing this shit now.
 
Yep. My sister - way more outgoing than me, way more "successful" so far anyway. I'm not bitter with her for it, I'm actually proud of her. But I do wonder sometimes why she was so fortunate as to not have social anxiety when our other sister and I both have it as well as our mother.

Your feelings are understandable. I really don't see any reason why you should feel bad about them. Until you reach some level of satisfaction or contentment, you're going to feel this way, which is natural. I avoid my Facebook feed for this reason; it seems like everyone from high school is doing well and I'm stagnating (although I'm in college but it's not much going).
 
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akala

Well-known member
lol, yes... my life story.. My older sister was basically the type A personality, always out and about looking for more opportunities and getting almost EVERY job she wanted. but then again there are strengths I have which she doesn't so that makes me feel a little better. Like she can't sit in a place and concentrate for hours. She also can't write great essays like me (I know this isn't really a strength for the real world but i tell myself it is;) )
Your siblings has strengths and experiences, that you can always use as guidance and advice, That's what I get from my sister, she's there to help me with my resumes an getting jobs.
 

Raider

Member
This is something I can relate to as well. I have a sister that does not have a shy bone in her body. Even though I am two years older than her she got all the attention while we were growing up from our relatives. The only thing I had on her was that I breezed through school and she struggled.

But in everything else she was on top. Always had friends, always went out, always met new people and people always wanted to be with her. I don't know how many times I wanted to be included in what she was doing.
 

R3K

Well-known member
do what you want to do, go your own way. It's your life.

when I was growing up my parents brainwashed me into believing college/career was the only way to survive and constantly pointed out that they were successful college graduates blah blah. all my cousins succeeded in college, I nose-dived and dropped out because of the social phobia. everyone's married and making good money in their careers and i'm living with two cooks that I work with in a 1bedroom apt.

I see all their sappy posts of their world-wide vacations to expensive places on facebook and I get the same infuriating jealous feeling. but feelings happen and go away, I just do my thing writing/painting and other hobbies and focus on that while they live that carbon-copy yuppie life up in their cool little world...
 

Odo

Banned
I guess my sister is more socially successful... married, a career, a child, etc... but she's definitely not doing anything that I would want to do and isn't someone I envy.

I don't want what she has, I want my own thing.
 

AtTheGates

Banned
currently I cant blame anyone for not being "socially succsesful" but im just saying, I could have turned out fine by now if at least ONE of my parents hadnt constantly treated me like I was inferior/abnormal throughout my ENTIRE youth....my immediate family has always seemed to refer to me as if im completely different and lower than them....my parents always spent much more time with my older siblings and I pretty much got whatever impatient time of theirs was leftover...its almost like they decided very early on in my life that I was the least favorite and deserving of less than my brother and sister...its never changed either..my place in the family has ALWAS remained at the blacksheep level...even now that im looking to gain success of my own in life, i still dont think it will make much difference...my parents (espcially my dad) arent just all of a sudden going to like me after YEARS of disliking me over the pettiest things throughout my youth (like getting yelled at for random shit that isnt even that big of a deal)

no wonder I never had any confidence (when i was younger) to try hard in life...
 
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R3K

Well-known member
I could have turned out fine by now...

you can still "turn out fine"... just turn a new page in your life: push all those haters and ppl dragging you down out of your way and live your own life. leave them with their petty little problems and drama and do what you want to, you'll feel 100 times better when you stop trying to please other ppl... especially petty, drama-mongering losers who're really just jr. highschool kids in adult bodies.
 

Ithior

Well-known member
I know what you're talking about squidgee. My twin sister has tons of friends from the most varied countries, went to the Netherlands to do her master degree (which she has completed), did a short internship and is now working (all of this in the Netherlands). She has been living with her boyfriend. Her CV is also full of volunteering, part-time jobs, workshops, conferences she helped organise, and stuff like that.
She's isn't exactly independent though, my mum still helps her pay her part of the rent.

I on the other hand stopped studying after completing my bachelor, though I am planning to do my master's starting in September. I never had a job nor did volunteering. I only have a handful of friends and I'm not really close to them either. I still live with my mother.

The one thing I've always been better than her is academic success, but her grades started catching up to mine in high school. Her problems were chemistry, maths, and subjects like that. Once she got rid of them in high school, her grades went up a lot but I think I was still a bit better than her.
 

squidgee

Well-known member
The one thing I've always been better than her is academic success, but her grades started catching up to mine in high school. Her problems were chemistry, maths, and subjects like that. Once she got rid of them in high school, her grades went up a lot but I think I was still a bit better than her.

Lol, even when it comes to academics he is a little better than me, though we're both pretty smart (book smart at least). I'm only better than him in chemistry, though to be honest he hates it while I'm actually interested in the subject matter.
 

NamiraWilhelm

Well-known member
Out of my siblings I'm probably the most successful sibling. Which is really saying something xD You reap what you sow, mum and dad....
 

AtTheGates

Banned
i think in some families there are heirarchies that develop very early on before the kids can really understand such a concept...they understand it only to the the extent of: "he's the favorite and im the LEAST favorite". parents that play favorites in a really biased way can potentially rob their children of confidence from a very early age. im from a family where being different in pretty much ANY way is seen as a bad thing..they're extremely generic..Im the youngest and I was always compared to my two older siblings and not really given any encouragement to shine in my OWN way...I think my paretns just wanted me to be a younger version of my brother and the fact that I didnt want to comply with that was frowned upon by them...they're good people/good parents but they really didnt raise me in the proper way...but im not blaming anyone for how I am NOW though.

im just saying, I dont think a child should ever be made to feel inferior simply for not being the EXACT same as everyone else....its unnatural to pressure someone into being a generic carbon-copy....I think when it comes to parenting there's a small window of oppurtunity to make the PROPER impressions on someone in order to really mold their personality in a GOOD way and if you **** up then you might just give them an emotional complex...and THOSE are hard to get rid of...im STILL trying to get rid of mine...
 
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9407

Well-known member
Yep. My older brother. Good credit, no mental health issues, a girlfriend and a young daughter, lives in a condo in a good neighborhood with his girlfriend, lots of friends, socially outgoing, etc. He's 28.



Then there's me. (21). No job, never had a girlfriend, always broke, addicted to weed, several mental health issues ( severe depression, ocd, severe anxiety, psychosis, etc), bad credit because of a $1500 payday loan debt, no real friends and the list goes on.
 
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