Thick Skin

Given the fact that the majority of us on this site have social anxiety, I think it's safe to assume the majority of us also have issues with over-sensitivity to criticism. That's a very general statement, there are a lot of factors involved and it could change from situation to situation, person to person. But on the whole, many of us could benefit from being less sensitive.

When someone says to you, "You need thicker skin", or "Stop being so sensitive", the ironic thing is all they are really doing is insulting you. One cannot just suddenly decide to be less sensitive. It takes a lot of time and effort. I believe it's quite a painful process. But I'm sure it can be done.

In my rational mind I am aware that my reaction to certain criticisms is completely irrational and even silly, but that doesn't make the feeling go away.

So, what better place to look for some tips and strategies on this process than the Internet?

How to Develop a Thicker Skin Scott H Young

I particularly like this part from the site:

"Insults - These are personal attacks based on emotions, not reasoning. They tend to attack you or your character, not what you’re doing. I tend to ignore these unless they run in a very specific theme, in which case it’s time to do some self-reflection to see if they have any basis.
Critiques - These are, sometimes harsh, suggestions for improvement. The best way to handle these is to strip away all the abusive language and focus on the information it contains. Pretend you’re a censor, stripping the expletives and leaving the content.
Anger – Sometimes the abuse is justified. If you’re doing things to piss people off, don’t be surprised when they get angry. Use this feedback to check your behavior, to see if there is anything you could change to stop it.
Not interested – These are the implied criticisms. They are the “no” you get after asking for a favor, or the unreturned calls. I think the best way to interpret these is to modify your approach and try again. Not interested usually means “too busy” as opposed to an insult, so ignore it and try again."

In my opinion, knowing how to identify just what is being directed at you is the first step in dealing with all of this. Insults are generally personal attacks based on emotions, as the site says, so just keep in mind that people can and will say anything when they are angry, jealous, looking for a laugh, etc....

Thoughts? Experiences? Ideas? Tips? Shaaaaaaaaaaare

Interesting. No one has ever really told me to grow a thicker skin or anything like that, but I have found that, lately, I seem to have more of a thick skin than I've ever had before. I don't know what's been getting into me. I'll get negative thoughts like always, but the paranoia and worry accompanied with them doesn't last for very long, and isn't anywhere near as intense as it would've been just a year or two ago.

Weird (but in a good way).

First of all, why do I need thicker skin? Maybe the person should watch what they're saying, it's called not being a d-bag. I've been given this thicker skin routine all of my life and it's only caused a decline in confidence because why hasn't my thicker skin grown yet, right? Reason being, I'm good the way I am. I'm human. I'm meant to receive messages the same as everyone else. If I receive a message that says, someone's trying to get over on me, it's gonna make me upset. It's just intelligence, or at least being aware. I no longer except the thicker skin theory, it's like the Easter Bunny.

This to me is a tactic of the shallow who rule the planet... it works to keep us thinking how weak we are and how strong they are. Forget that.

I've been thinking about this a lot the last few days. I don't have to answer to my critics, I answer to those people who are interested, encouraging and kind. I listen to the advice of the above people. People who respect you, do not abuse, do not provide abusive criticism.


Insults. To be not be hurt by some the things that have happened to me I would have to have no feelings at all. Analysing insults from strangers is a waste of time. I've spent the last two days doing just that. I'm better focusing on something else entirely, like a new positive project I want to work on.

Anger. My anxiety can make people angry. That is my fear. If I used that feedback to check my behaviour then I would avoid everyone and everything, which I have done in the past. I can't control my anxious behaviour, all I can do is not return the anger directed at me, and recognise this in my mental illness and that misuderstandings will occur. No one need understand. Abuse is never justified in my opinion.

Criticism. I can handle constructive criticism from people I respect the opinion of. A good critique is usually phrased diplomatically. Again abusive language has no place in a critique. Abuse is abuse and is never justified.

Not interested. Indifference doesn't bother me.

I do think its important to try to develop a thick skin to other peoples toxic behaviour, however i don't believe that other people should be talking to you. me or anyone in a condescending tone, even if its a manager, parent, associate, friend. Its just uncalled for and shows their lack or control and people skills that they can't control their emotions, so we have to switch on our thick skins to deal with what is essentially their problems with communicating properly...