Advice please!!!

[durda_dan]

almost 2 years ago i moved away from my cfortable home in canada. i moved to china. pretty far away, i dont ahve any problems with my family, i love them, i miss them all.
and i was perfectly fine until recently...

my hours at work increased i am a kindergarten teacher now, so i am always tired from playing and stressing out if the kids are learning.
then i was sick and whe i was sick i had nothing to do but to read(1)
and my parets told me they were coming down. i think all three things started my new crisis which i believe is OCD, although i can't go to a doctor because they don't speak english and my chinese is too awful.

Well like i said up at (1) i was reading, I was reading a book about serial killers, and murderers and the such. and then that night after my parents told me they were going to come down i was with my girlfriend and BAM* like i was run over by a truck of harmful thoughts. my mind said what it would be like to see osmeone dead. AKA my girlfriend. This scared the fuck out of me. i felt like i needed to puke. It has been 5 month now. me and my girlfriend are still together, my parents came to visit and long left. But i still have bad thoughts in my head.
I can't seem to supress them. I am afrad to come into contact with any shap object. and i'm even afraid to cuddle with her when we sleep because what if i break her neck when we sleep....

i'm terrified!!! i read other people with OCD that have had simmilar thoughts of killing people and causing harm, I want them to stop.

But this makes me think of when i was a child, i had similar experiences, But i never thought anything of them.
1) when i was really young i couldn't stand to be in a quiet situation, if something was really quiet i felt like my mind was uncomfrtable, like someone screamng in my head. But that is long gone.
2) also when i was young iwatched a nightmare on elm street movie and was terrified. a friend told me 'freddy went to bed and woke up with claws.', when i slept i had to have my hand in an inward fist (all my fingers around my thumb) because if i got claws when i sleep i will know.

also recently i have had spurs of cleaning my house super clean and making sure my door is locked! although they are not permanant feelings yet.
I am scared i don't know what to do.I can't go home to canada for another 6 months, But i don't know how to cope with my head.
Plea give me some advice.


If you want to give me a private response please e-mail me [email protected]

-Thank you-
Daniel

 

[LuckynumberBleu]

Whenever I have intrusive thoughts, even really bad ones, I go to certain images or thoughts that I use to circumvent the bad ones. Maybe you've tried this, or maybe like me you already do it automatically. It sounds like you are going to have to deal with this alone for a while, so my best advice is:

"circumventing" images. For example, if I was to have an intrusive thought about stabbing someone, I would quickly change the thought into me directing the knife into the floor. I would use this image as many times as it takes.

 

[obita]

i think all three things started my new crisis which i believe is OCD, although i can't go to a doctor because they don't speak english and my chinese is too awful.

I can't give any advice on OCD. However, if you do actually want to see a doctor - you could phone your home country's local embassy and they normally provide a wide-ranging list of doctors, dentists etc who speak English for their citizens. It might be worth a try if you're looking for a doctor.

Best of luck.

 

[durda_dan]

Whenever I have intrusive thoughts, even really bad ones, I go to certain images or thoughts that I use to circumvent the bad ones. Maybe you've tried this, or maybe like me you already do it automatically. It sounds like you are going to have to deal with this alone for a while, so my best advice is:

"circumventing" images. For example, if I was to have an intrusive thought about stabbing someone, I would quickly change the thought into me directing the knife into the floor. I would use this image as many times as it takes.

thats mst deffinately what i do
sometimes like when i am on a public metro or anything i have to look at the floor all the time so i cna't see people, or when i am at home, i am afraid to go into a room where my girlfriend is because of what will happen i need to usually wait it out until no one is there before i go into a room.
if i have key in my hand i always put them into my pocket, before i talk to anyone and when i sleep my hands are always under my pillows, it reasures me when i think they are safer where i cant see them i guess...

what i mainly want to know is if this sounds like OCD. Because i havn't had a doctor tell me anything. so i am going on speculation from what i have researched myself...

 

[krfoss]

That does sound a bit like OCD. Have you tried leaving your hands out of your pockets or not putting your keys away for an extended period of time, despite the anxiety it produces, but stay in that anxious feeling without doing those activities (i.e. keys/ hands, etc). Over time the anxiety will reduce. Try not to put your keys away or put your hands away until the anxiety reduces significantly. Give that a try.

 

[durda_dan]

That does sound a bit like OCD. Have you tried leaving your hands out of your pockets or not putting your keys away for an extended period of time, despite the anxiety it produces, but stay in that anxious feeling without doing those activities (i.e. keys/ hands, etc). Over time the anxiety will reduce. Try not to put your keys away or put your hands away until the anxiety reduces significantly. Give that a try.

i am scared. i will use them for harm, it scares me ha ha i dont trust myself to try that...