Am I normal or should I consult?

[riflyk]

Hello, I am 27 years old. I am doing my PhD and I live on my own. I normally like to be alone and I try me best to avoid people. I sneak out of apartment when there is no one in lobby, I eat alone (I am scared of going to eat in canteen), I avoid parties and gatherings. I do not go to tea-breaks or anywhere I have to meet people and say hello. If I have to attend meeting I cannot sleep from a day before. I shake every time I have to introduce myself. I always make stupid mistakes even in super markets or restaurants or anywhere because I am so nervous. And many people think I am timid, shy and serious.

But there is another part of it. When I am with my old friends from my (undergraduate) I feel good, I talk a lot, call them, they think I am chatterbox, I laugh and people thinks I am friendly and extrovert. There are quite some people who think I am extrovert, funny and smart.

So, I do not know why I do that... its involuntary (even if I try I cannot) but I act completely different with two groups of people. Also with some of my friends whom I know from childhood, I feel shy to speak to them.

I was always shy person and a loner from my childhood, normally I never made friends and used to live in my imaginary world. At one time in my life I was taking marijuana then I changed a lot. I became less timid. If I had made any friends then it was only that time (they are still the only close friends I have).

So, is it perfectly normal to act completely different over enthusiastic and extrovert in one time and completely timid and withdrawn with other group of people. I sometime feel as if I am Dr. Jkeyll and Mr. Hyde. I do not have control but I think I am extremely opposite in different situation. I normally do not drink (1-2 times a months) and smoke 2-3 cigarettes a day. I smoke because I feel less nervous when I smoke.

I would like suggestion if what I am going through is normal or should I go and consult psychologists.

 

[Psychedelicious]

EDITED

 

[smokemorebud]

i know just how you feel. with your friends you dont worry about what anybody says or care about what anybody thinks and in turn get more exciting and fun to be around. but on the other hand with everybody else you just kind of sit there, dont say to much of anything and hope you dont have to be with them for long. also i smoke marijuana and it helps me out so much.

 

[incomplete_person]

marijuana helps me a lot too. i honestly don't think i could have survived without it. i think i might have offed myself quite a long time ago. my mind just feels like an ocean instead of a rabid river with seaweed up to 1 feet from the surface. I go to interviews, meet new people, etc... and if I am not on the ganja then I can't function. Period, Point Blank. My heart rate picks up, I avoid eye contact, I feel inferior, the whole nine yards. I know exactly how you feel. It's not enough... but it is just enough to survive. It's enough to open you up and get you sorting your thoughts out in ways that otherwise may have been impossible. My mind was cluttered with random thoughts I was unable to process, thus my fear... when I am high I can formulate a thought from point a to point b without an issue. To be honest I don't even consider it being high... because I am so far down half the time that the "high" simply makes "me" me.
The stigma behind that is intense though. Some people just won't understand that. I hate being associated with junkies. It is rather callous.

Slowly I am beginning to formulate thoughts that leave less clutter in my head, and slowly I am beginning to program my mind in such a way that I will complete this... incomplete person I was left with. This is NOT ME... and I think you know that isn't you either.

The only thing about marijuana is that it is addictive because it is an aphrodisiac. You will like the smell, the texture, the color, flavor, quality of high, etc. If you decide to use it you should make sure you can afford it & don't mind being addicted to something. To be perfectly honest there are far worse things to be addicted to. (marijuana is not a gateway drug, it is an exit drug.)


As for "normal"-- It doesn't exist. Nor should it.


P.S.
There is nothing wrong with you. I think your panic is attractive because it shows that you have moral character and know the differences between right and wrong. Just because your mind acts on its own doesn't mean it has to be an entirely negative thing. It can be just as much of a strength as it is a weakness. You are reserved because maybe you see things in a different light. What is so bad about that? If only more people saw what we see... the world might be a better place for it.

 

[straycat]

i agree 100% with incomplete_person but at the same time so we can look at all side of this issue and be open minded i to have the same problem as you and i saw a theripist and it turns out that im bi-polar and taking depacote helped me alot just a thought ~straycat