i just joined here because i was looking on the internet for help...I want to go outside. see the grass, the sun and be like when i was a kid. i am too panicy to see a doctor. besides this is my first time with really having bad agrophobia. I havent left the house in months
. I feel so mental. my family thinks i leave just like I used to last year. I was sexually molested many times as a child and verbally and physically abused by my mother. I was also violently raped at a party when i was 15, in front of my friends. I come from an over strict family that frequently beat me. I knew my mom had sanity issues. I was always tolled she wishes i was never born. I dreamed of her loving me and accepting me.
She never did. I ran away a few times only to not be missed. once my mother tried to help me commit suicide , I was only threating to, she gave me a knife yelling do it!!! she chocked me all the time. then I met my husband, at 17 i got married he pamperd me and loved me, i began to rely on him for almost everything. when i left the house i would go with him. I want to go out alone I did for a few years after I met him, he helped me go to school and college. I am smart and get good grades when I go. I held a job for awhile but found it hard to be around people, I always think everyone hates me for some reason. or everyone is looking down on me. people usually dont like me and think i am stuck up. my husbands family think i dont work and quit jobs because i am lazy. i really dream of working a job, driving being independent. now I have 2 children really young whom i love with alll my heart. I want to be better for them. I am embasrest to get help. how do i get help. last year I forced myself to go to a school function, i had such a bad panic attack i felt like i would die. my heart palpatated with many missed beats. thats why i dont leave it is my heart palps. i dont want to have a heart atttack.
