at rock bottom today

[blubs]

Hi,
I've recently had a baby.
He is fantastic & I love him with a BIG BIG love.
But I am really struggling to cope emotionally with the responsibility I have for his development when I have no social skills of my own.
I feel like he would be better off with a different mum & am becoming very depressed.
I feel like my inlaws are watching me & thinking I can't cope...& last night I had an aweful time at a birthday celebration at their home...trying to cope with my SA & trying to cope with a tired baby.
Today I'm at rock bottom.
Is there anyone reading this that has children that wouldn't mind getting in touch with me?
Or without children...but who might have any ideas for me to cope better?
ANY thoughts would be appreciated.
Anna x

 

[bashfulgirl]

Hey Blubs, I just saw this post and wanted to tell you that I have severe SP along with other problems and I have 2 kids now. One is 3 and1/2 and the other almost 6. I've been so worried that I'm going to screw them up, but unlike me they are both so healthy and outgoing, regardless of the fact that I have soooo many issues. They are doing great in school, making friends and generally just doing great. I hate taking them to school and having to deal with all the other Moms and having nothing to say to them, but my boys don't notice and so far so good. Hope that helps. Email me anytime if you want.

 

[blubs]

Thanks for the replies

It is such a difficult thing to do...to be responsible for another person
especially when you have no self confidence

thanks bashfulgirl...It's always good to think there's someone I could email who's been there...& you sound like you're doing really well with you're kids.

& thanks worrydoll...& I don't think it's lame advice at all. Sometimes I try really hard with my son..& my head's all full of stuff I've read about development & things..& he looks at me as if to say..'what the...??' & then othertimes' I tell myself to relax & not to try to be a different kind of mum than I am..& I do things with him I like instead..& he seems happy & relaxed too.

 

[spurs]

hi i'm not a mum, but it sounds like you really LOVE your child and would do anything for his happiness. feeling loved is the most important thing for a child. i don't feel loved by anyone in my family and it hurts, so as long as he feels loved he will be happy. i would just do what comes naturally to you. like you say he is happy and relaxed when you are, so do what makes you happy - if you can!
if anything i think SP would make you a better parent because you would be more caring and understanding, and not as judgemental. i think people with SP would be less likely to put huge expectations on their kids, which is where alot of parents go wrong wanting their kids to be something they're not. you love your child so you're already a good mum!
(sorry if this doesn't help.)

 

[KidnThaCorner]

I've got a daughter, and extrem SA
Unfortuneately for me, the mother left and now i'm alone. All alone.

Two lost souls swimmin in the same fish bowl! but yea, i know how you feel. I always worry about my daughter, and I feel like I would die if she ever had to feel like me. Maybe just a blurb at 6am, but hey, I'm with ya

 

[DarkMoon]

The best advice I can give is to just love your child. Make them feel safe and secure, which is what a child needs. Everything else is just icing on the cake. Your child will then grow up with confidence.
But most of all, don't stress over EVERYTHING all at once. Take each day as it comes and deal with situations as they arise. Don't sit there and think 'what if this happens', 'What if that happens'. You are probably just looking at the bigger picture too much instead of just thinking of the here and now.
A friend of mine is a single mother with twins. When she found out she was having twins she freaked and was really upset that she wouldn't be able to cope on her own. It's because she was stressing over everything that could possibly happen, like a worse case scenario.
But now that she has had them, everything is fine. She has had her ups and downs but she has coped very well and she just dealt with things as they arose.
So just relax, take a deep breathe and love and enjoy your child. Best of luck.