Being Aware of your surroundings

[stardog]

I've been noticing lately how important it is to be aware of whats going on around you, that if I take more notice of whats going on around me generally (i.e. making eye-contact with people) it takes me right out of the self-concsious-ness I'm feeling, the worry and the anxiety goes, the situation suddenly seems a lot less bad. When I really look at the people around me I realize that they are just normal people, not scary demons :/ After reading Gillian Butler's book on SA it seems to me that this is a key thing that sa'ers dont do and it increases anxiety heaps. Today I tried taking notice of things around me alot more and I had a really great day!

Has anyone else noticed this?

 

[Danfalc]

Yeah i try and do a simlar thing and it does help sometimes, i thinks its because as social phobes we spend too much time dwelling on our thoughts and feelings, so if we manage to concentrate on external things like whats going on around us we become less aware of our anxiety.Im glad it worked for you and i hope it continues to

 

[coolguy2005]

When we look around ourselves we arecurious. We question what is going on. As Nick points out, having a positive attitude of curiousity will do miracles.

"When we are curious we ask questions and when we ask questions we learn and progress. We start seeing many different veiw points rather than being stuck with only seeing things in th eway that we've always seen them".

 

[skins]

When we look around ourselves we arecurious. We question what is going on. As Nick points out, having a positive attitude of curiousity will do miracles.

"When we are curious we ask questions and when we ask questions we learn and progress. We start seeing many different veiw points rather than being stuck with only seeing things in th eway that we've always seen them".

..are you sure u arn't nick, or his identical twin or somethin? its just all your posts seem so similar thats all, no offence i think nick is great.

i can't do the eye contact thing, it really annoys me....i find if i try and concentrate on giving eye contact to the person, i have no idea about what they are talking about as my focus is on their eyes instead. the best i can do is focus on a spot just passed their face or on their chin or something so it almost looks like i'm giving them eye contact, although i am most comfortable starring at something else when in conversation, i first noticed that i wasn't giving eye contact to ppl during high school years and i really wish i could change, its so hard tho.

 

[coolguy2005]

Hi skins,

Nope. I am not Nick's identical brother. However, I am a huge fan of his philosophy. As a fan, I'm trying to spread the love to everyone else.

You must ask yourself why you can't do eye contact. All of us have different reasons for not being able to keep eye contact. For me, for example, I have insecurities about the way I look. Maybe for you it's afraid of being judged.

Once we know what our insecurity is, we can work on it. For example, I'm feeling insecure of the way I look. I would tell myself "I look great". I would imagine the other person thinking that I look great. Or, I would think the other person doesn't care about what I look. Or I would just focus on being me and not worrying about another person's judgement(i.e i isolate that person's judgement from my mood feelings). Though difficult to do, it is not impossible with will and strength.

If you feel that people are judigng you, do the same thing. Tell yourself they are thinking good thoughts about me. or tell yourself they couldn't give a damn how I look. Or just imagine they aren't thinking at all. It's simpler.

When you say 'try' and the 'best i can do' you limit yourself. You limit your opportunities. replace the word 'try' with do or some other positive word that relates to it. Replace 'best i can do' with "i can do better". Positive language has a lot of impact on the way we think and feel and behave. Use it to your advantage.

You can choose to make eye contact and be comfortable with yourself.

 

[coolguy2005]

Hi skins,

Nope. I am not Nick's identical brother. However, I am a huge fan of his philosophy. As a fan, I'm trying to spread the love to everyone else.

You must ask yourself why you can't do eye contact. All of us have different reasons for not being able to keep eye contact. For me, for example, I have insecurities about the way I look. Maybe for you it's afraid of being judged.

Once we know what our insecurity is, we can work on it. For example, I'm feeling insecure of the way I look. I would tell myself "I look great". I would imagine the other person thinking that I look great. Or, I would think the other person doesn't care about what I look. Or I would just focus on being me and not worrying about another person's judgement(i.e i isolate that person's judgement from my mood feelings). Though difficult to do, it is not impossible with will and strength.

If you feel that people are judigng you, do the same thing. Tell yourself they are thinking good thoughts about me. or tell yourself they couldn't give a damn how I look. Or just imagine they aren't thinking at all. It's simpler.

When you say 'try' and the 'best i can do' you limit yourself. You limit your opportunities. replace the word 'try' with do or some other positive word that relates to it. Replace 'best i can do' with "i can do better". Positive language has a lot of impact on the way we think and feel and behave. Use it to your advantage.

You can choose to make eye contact and be comfortable with yourself.

 

[redlady]

I may try this and see what it does for me. I cope by detatching from my surroundings - COMPLETELY - i even walk around listening to music so i don't have to hear my surroundings. It helps me to cope but it also detatches me to the extent that i feel like an alien. Maybe if i get out of myself and into my surroundings i will feel human.

 

[redlady]

I can see that you are right Worrydoll - more contact with the world around me will = less self absorption = less sp - my self absorption may help me cope but it also feeds my social phobia. In this state i am utterly and solely concentrated on my thoughts and fears, just all the crap in my mind - nothing else gets a look in. So getting out of my head will get me away from that - which can only be a good thing.