Breaking hearts

singing-love

singing-love

Well-known member
I hate relationships, i only hurt people. I swore to myself that i wouldn't date so i couldn't hurt anypone and i broke the rule. I started dating someone and it turns out i was right i only hurt them, and yet they continue to forgive me.

This morning i did what i knew was right and ended it before i could hurt them more, now i just don't know what to do. I feel dreadful, i don't understand why i hurt everyone but somehow i manage it every single time. I don't know if i am doing the right thing i just feel conflicted.

:crying:
 
DepravedFurball

DepravedFurball

Well-known member
Dating is the classic risk-reward system. You have to go into it knowing that there's a chance to hurt and be hurt if you seek to find someone that can soothe your wounded soul...

But don't get too down on yourself. If it didn't work out between you two, then it's not entirely your fault. Surely they could have done more to support/aide you, or could have at least made more of an effort in putting your mind at ease.

And if you're feeling guilty, then you can at least take solace in the fact that you're not sadistic or cruel. People like that can gloss over their feelings all too easily, without a single thought otherwise...
 
MollyBeGood

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
DepravedFurball said:
Dating is the classic risk-reward system. You have to go into it knowing that there's a chance to hurt and be hurt if you seek to find someone that can soothe your wounded soul...

But don't get too down on yourself. If it didn't work out between you two, then it's not entirely your fault. Surely they could have done more to support/aide you, or could have at least made more of an effort in putting your mind at ease.

And if you're feeling guilty, then you can at least take solace in the fact that you're not sadistic or cruel. People like that can gloss over their feelings all too easily, without a single thought otherwise...
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Great advice as always :)
 
Odo

Odo

Banned
I don't know what you mean by 'hurting' these guys... what are you doing to them, exactly? Did you actually like them in the first place?
 
singing-love

singing-love

Well-known member
Odo said:
I don't know what you mean by 'hurting' these guys... what are you doing to them, exactly? Did you actually like them in the first place?
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I love this guy, loved*. I just struggle with relationships i guess you can say. When i say hurt them i mean say things or do things that they dont like or can't accept, and it is me, not them. I don't hurt them intentionally i just always manage it. I don't really know how else to explain it.
 
DepravedFurball

DepravedFurball

Well-known member
singing-love said:
When i say hurt them i mean say things or do things that they dont like or can't accept, and it is me, not them.
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If they can't let a few words or a few actions slide in order to focus on the wonderful person that you are, then you're better off without them.

Everyone has times where they're upset for no tangible reason, and may act tersely because of those moods. The trick is to recognize that fact, and allow a little lee-way. Were it day after day of spiteful remarks or scornful actions, then sure, by all means, it's that's person's fault... but I highly doubt that's what we're talking about here.

When it comes to relationships, you can't simply love every little facet of your partner. To do so would be to look upon them as a deity. Thus, we've all got flaws and fissures in our personalities... most of which can be overlooked easily enough...

You, for instance, appear to have a guilt-complex. Were I your partner, I'd forgive you that quirk, and continually reassure you that it's alright, and it's definitely not your fault. Then I'd try to explain how things could have been worse, and how you certainly didn't facilitate the apocalypse in what you chose to do...

Unless you *did* start the zombiepocalypse... in which I don't think I could forgive you. >.>
 
singing-love

singing-love

Well-known member
DepravedFurball said:
If they can't let a few words or a few actions slide in order to focus on the wonderful person that you are, then you're better off without them.

Were I your partner, I'd forgive you that quirk, and continually reassure you that it's alright, and it's definitely not your fault. Then I'd try to explain how things could have been worse, and how you certainly didn't facilitate the apocalypse in what you chose to do...

Unless you *did* start the zombiepocalypse... in which I don't think I could forgive you. >.>
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My partner did overlook these things, he did defend my actions and constantly tried to reassure me, he is lovely, but i couldn't bare to know i was hurting him. I didn't want to hear that i shouldn't apologize and its okay because i knew it wasn't. I knew i was in the wrong and i just couldn't let him continue to suffer for my faults. I don't know if that makes sense but that is how i felt.

And i can understand if you dont forgive me for starting a zombie-apocalypse :lol:
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
What if he really didn't mind anything you did and really loved you? Do you think it was okay to leave him alone? Isn't that a bit selfish...?
 
singing-love

singing-love

Well-known member
I guess you could say it was selfish, no matter how you look at it i am the wrong party. I had to do what i thought was best though. Perhaps it was foolish, but he deserves someone who can treat him the way he treats everyone else, someone that can be all he needs and i know it isn't me.
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
It's wrong to take decisions for others. If HE didn't want to end the relationship and you didn't either, saying that "I thought it was the best" is a really silly thing. I'd be incredibly mad and saddened if my partner did that to me because he/she'd have absolutely NO excuse, and not just that, but I'd also feel like my feelings were completely invalid to him/her. It would make me feel like utter crap, and no, I would not get over it. I'm sure he wouldn't either.

Do me a favor and stop acting like that, go tell your partner that you were a big derp and you're sorry.
 
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Odo

Odo

Banned
singing-love said:
I love this guy, loved*. I just struggle with relationships i guess you can say. When i say hurt them i mean say things or do things that they dont like or can't accept, and it is me, not them. I don't hurt them intentionally i just always manage it. I don't really know how else to explain it.
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OK I think I get it now. I'm not sure what the solution is... you probably need to make a concerted effort of some kind. I'm still not exactly sure what you're saying. Are you being critical? Insulting?
 
singing-love

singing-love

Well-known member
Just honest, i just don't want to hurt people, its the only way i can explain it and i do try not to, i really do.
 
singing-love

singing-love

Well-known member
Hellhound said:
It's wrong to take decisions for others. If HE didn't want to end the relationship and you didn't either, saying that "I thought it was the best" is a really silly thing. I'd be incredibly mad and saddened if my partner did that to me because he/she'd have absolutely NO excuse, and not just that, but I'd also feel like my feelings were completely invalid to him/her. It would make me feel like utter crap, and no, I would not get over it. I'm sure he wouldn't either.

Do me a favor and stop acting like that, go tell your partner that you were a big derp and you're sorry.
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You are right, i am being an idiot. Thankyou.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
I would think it's just a lack of self-confidence that drove you away. It sounds as if he was okay with you and was willing to stick it out with you. Our own thoughts and ideas of ourselves can be the worst.

Others have given better advice than I ever could, so listen to them. :)
 
singing-love

singing-love

Well-known member
MikeyC said:
I would think it's just a lack of self-confidence that drove you away. It sounds as if he was okay with you and was willing to stick it out with you. Our own thoughts and ideas of ourselves can be the worst.

Others have given better advice than I ever could, so listen to them. :)
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I think your right, thank you. :shyness:
 
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