Can't Even Eat...

[Polly_Princess]

I just can't eat. My stomach tells me I'm hungry and my mind tells me it's meal time, so I'll heat myself a meal. But when it comes to me actually EATING it I can't do it.

It's not that I don't want to. I'm just overwhelmed by anxiety every time I try to eat. I've become scared of food because it makes me feel so dirty.Obviously some foods (like fresh fruit) seem cleaner than others (like processed junk), but it's all hard to cope with.

Some days I just can't bring myself to eat anything at all. I still live with my parents and, as they don't know about my OCD, I'm scared they'll worry that I have an eating disorder again... But I don't! This time, I WANT to eat. I WANT to maintain a healthy weight. I don't want to relapse. I'm not obsessed with being thin or wearing Size 0 jeans. I'm obsessed with feeling unclean and dirty. I want to eat. But anxiety and feeling contaminated by food is making it impossible.

What should I do?

 

[dottie]

no offense but i think you do have an eating disorder, regardless if it has anything to do with weight gain. i think it is important to be open and honest with your parents and to seek help. are they in charge of purchasing the food you eat? perhaps they can speak with you and a counselor and discuss meals you feel comfortable with.

 

[Tiercel]

Whether it's an eating disorder rearing its ugly head (again?) or OCD, you should definitely tell your parents. I'd imagine that they would be willing to try to help (or at least somewhat accomodate) you, especially if you've had similar difficulties in the past.

And I don't know how old you are or how much weight you have to play around with, but please seek help if you feel you can't overcome this problem by yourself.

 

[Meisiemel]

I've always felt exactly that - any food other than fruit is unclean, although that never stopped me eating filthy food. It is possible to be very healthy and well-nourished on an all-fruit diet. I know because I've spent the last 3 weeks reading fruitarian blogs.I've always wanted to be a fruitarian and I still aspire to be one. Some fruitarians even successfully raise their children from birth as fruitarians. I say some because a few children of fruitarians are influenced by others and choose to eat other food. However, it's extremely important that if you are not able to stick to a fruitarian diet(which involves eating a lot of fruit to get enough calories) you must compromise and work out a balanced diet consisting of the least bad foods. You might find help with this on raw food websites.There are many of them, one of my favorites is called "30 Bananas a Day".
Whatever you do, make sure you get adequate nourishment - so many women have ruined their lives with years of under-eating.
Not being well-nourished affects the mind as well as the body. It makes anxiety, depression and shyness worse.30 Bananas a Day!

 

[Lea]

I don't think you're ill. Most of the food sold today is not a natural food for humans, it's junk. We were meant to eat fruits, vegetables, nuts, mushrooms or potatoes, or other things that grow in the nature. Nothing processed. Btw. I used to have the same fear of eating when I had anorexia. A fear of getting fat or making my body dirty. I still think the same about food, but sadly it doesn't prevent me to eat it. I wish I could go back to my anorexia.

 

[AGR]

This is quite serious,to tell you the truth I dont think anybody here can help you,you should seek help in real life,also what I can say is that a balanced diet is the best,some type of foods contain too much of something and little of other nutrients or sometimes the nutrient in this type of food is not absorbed as well as in other food,to get this balance you need to eat all types of food.

 

[Mokkat]

You say fruit is the best for you, even though they might have all sorts of dirt or bug-repellent on them, and processed meals are worse, even though they are legally required to be clean of anything bad.
I think it would help if you prepared your own meals from scratch. You might feel uncomfortable making stuff at first because you'd have to face every ingredient, but it would help you because you would know and be able to choose every ingredient in it and you would have a more personal perception of the food.

You could start with recipes including potatoes (mashed with roasted bacon and/or just onion for example) or beans (bean paté or chili fx) - I mention these because they are greatly balanced nutritionally, these will always keep you full and healthy




yeah, Im gonna study for nutritionist btw ^^

 

[Pookah]

Too much fruit actually is too much sugar. Especially for diabetics and insulin-resistant folk.

Back on topic. You know that you have to eat, therefore you have to tell someone if you can't make yourself.

 

[dottie]

mokkat, that sounds like great advice. polly, do you cook your own meals from scratch? or does that bother you, too?

 

[Polly_Princess]

As I spent yesterday simply unable to eat at all, I've decided to go see a Dr as I don't want to get ill and I already feel weak. Problem is that I wasn't able to get an appointment for a few days, so the worst case scenario is that it will have been nearly 5 days without eating by the time I get to see the Dr (if I can't make myself eat by then).
I'm going to try to make myself eat, but I really don't want to cause any pressure on myself, as I've got enough to deal with at work at the moment.

If it has been 5 days without eating by then, what should I expect my Dr to say/do?

I'm also REALLY scared of hospitals....do you think there's even the slightest possibility I'll end up there?

 

[Feathers]

Hey Polly

How did it go with the Dr?
I think it's better to be in a hospital and alive, then not. What do you think?

Some people have had fasts for 5 days or longer, at least they drank some herbal teas or fruit/vegetable juices?

This puts your asking about money spending into another light. You have stress at work and buy sweets or coffee. Those can make you feel 'full' and 'not hungry' - but actually have zero or very little healthy nutrients. They can even have 'negative nutrients' as sugar and caffeine can leech your body of healthy minerals and vitamins.

Feeling unclean and dirty - I can relate to some of that a bit. Is it just about your hands or the rest of the body too? Or is it about food being prepared or stored in unhygienic conditions? Or prepared in unhealthy ways?

Please know that even if lollipops may seem 'clean' they are actually bad for your whole body.. MUCH better to eat fruit or veggies (ideally organic) or a home-cooked meal prepared from scratch. Could you eat buckwheat and tuna, and a salad? Or some rice and veggies?

Be careful about going frutarian, a friend lost her teeth that way (she had sort of an eating disorder too..)

Please get medical help... You're worth it!!

 

[Polly_Princess]

I didn't seek help in the end. I had a heavy working stint and ended up getting so tired that I needed to eat to survive at work! I'd just get up in the morning and start with a big sugary coffee and kept eating from there. I was too tired to be too worried about the feelings of unclean.

Thanks for the concern everyone. =)

 

[thewayitusedtobe]

Try to make an effort to make your own food from scratch, because too much fruit isn't healthy at all (way too much sugar, albeit natural sugar). Make sure everything's clean and tidy when you're preparing the food, make sure each little quantity is perfectly measured out, so on and so forth. When you know exactly what went into your food you might feel a little bit better eating it/feel like it's more "pure," like fruit.