Ok now that i got your attention lets start lol
So last month I tried once again to commit suicide. I wanted to use that ultra concentrated caffeine powder extract. I had heard that a single spoon is pretty much 10 time stronger than a monster energy drink. I got a whole bag of the stuff and I have high blood pressure to begin with. I was sure i wouldn't survive.
The night i had decided on doing it, I started it off by reading stories of people wanting to die with it or that simply had too much of it by accident. Pretty much everything i read scared me and I ended up not doing it. But I still didn't know what to do. I really wanted to die. I didn't feel strong enough to even get out of my apartment let alone go back to work.
I got over a month off work by seeing a psychiatrist. I have to see her every week until i go back to work. Problem is, she is terrible. With everything I've told her so far she doesn't seem to understand that I don't have any point or pleasure in living right now. She gave me a couple pills and expect my whole life to be fine now.
Sure the pills makes me feel less depressed but my life still has no purpose. I'm just living for the sake of living. I go at work and talk to no one. I get home in an empty apartment with no friends or girlfriend. I love my cat and all but she is not really great for conversation. I see my family about once every two month. Its just not enough
I'm supposed to go back to work in a week only. Problem is I don't feel ready. I wish I could correct some stuff about my life before going back to a routine that is just going to prevent me from making any changes to my life
Then again maybe its already too late :sad:
So last month I tried once again to commit suicide. I wanted to use that ultra concentrated caffeine powder extract. I had heard that a single spoon is pretty much 10 time stronger than a monster energy drink. I got a whole bag of the stuff and I have high blood pressure to begin with. I was sure i wouldn't survive.
The night i had decided on doing it, I started it off by reading stories of people wanting to die with it or that simply had too much of it by accident. Pretty much everything i read scared me and I ended up not doing it. But I still didn't know what to do. I really wanted to die. I didn't feel strong enough to even get out of my apartment let alone go back to work.
I got over a month off work by seeing a psychiatrist. I have to see her every week until i go back to work. Problem is, she is terrible. With everything I've told her so far she doesn't seem to understand that I don't have any point or pleasure in living right now. She gave me a couple pills and expect my whole life to be fine now.
Sure the pills makes me feel less depressed but my life still has no purpose. I'm just living for the sake of living. I go at work and talk to no one. I get home in an empty apartment with no friends or girlfriend. I love my cat and all but she is not really great for conversation. I see my family about once every two month. Its just not enough
I'm supposed to go back to work in a week only. Problem is I don't feel ready. I wish I could correct some stuff about my life before going back to a routine that is just going to prevent me from making any changes to my life
Then again maybe its already too late :sad: