Do bad past social experiences keep haunting you?

[BreakThePain]

I always keep remembering, thinking and over-analyzing my past limited social experiences and thats one of the biggest things that hold me back from attempting to overcome this damn SA...basically those experiences are mostly my pathetic attempts at being "normal" like other people...those experiences vary between hanging out with groups or attempting to hook up with girls..no need to get into too much detail but lets just say that all of them pretty much turned into disasters and complete humilation to the point of not beeing able to look those people in the eye again. That was before I gave social life completely and decided to withdraw from any kind of "unnessesary" interaction with other people (about a couple of years ago) as a result of those failed experiences.

The good side of that was that I no longer get into such terrible situations. But ofcourse, I can't keep living like this..so I'm thinking of giving it yet another try. But I always think about my previous attempts and they hold me back due to fear of them happening again.

can anyone relate? any possible way to overcome this?

 

[IcanDoIt]

yea, i have got that experience.

the best way is to counter such thoughts and also practice the "thought stopping" method.

 

[Hellraising]

Yes, very much so. This is what I wrote about it:
"...weird, little noises that I make (along with weird facial expressions) when thinking of my past and all the embarrassing things I did. I really hate it when I do that, and I make a concious effort to stop when my mind starts playing all the embarrassing episodes of my life over and over again. It happens many times a day at any time, even when I'm concentrating on something, like when reading a book or watching TV. Sort of like 'tuning out', but my mind is still working, playing back all those memories. And if I don't stop it, it can go on for an hour, which is usually when I snap out because I just can't take it anymore. This feeling that I get whenever I "reminisce" (I'm not sure whether that's the word to describe it), which I really do not like."

Try doing something to keep your mind of it. And not something that you can easily tune out, like watching TV. These days, I've been playing on the computer all day everyday, and I realize that I don't tune out that much because I'm using my brain when playing games. Try and find something that suits you.

 

[young]

so those voices in my head aren't normal?

 

[outside_looking_in]

Me too ... though eventually (years later) they lose some of the cringe value. Honest!
Might it help to tell someone--like us on here--about the awful things, details and all, and try to get to a stage where you can laugh about it? If you feel something is too awful to share, it gives it a massive power and importance in your mind that would dissolve if you did just talk about it, and someone answered 'that must have been terrible for you, but I (or someone I know) did something worse...'

OK here's one of my worst memories, from about 12 years ago... I came across this little charity that promotes women's health and family projects, it wasn't very well known so i decided (despite my terror of public speaking) to promote it when I could. So I actually phoned up a guy who was giving an evening lecture on a similar topic and he said I could stand up at the end and ask for anyone interested in 'my' charity to take a leaflet. So I sat through the lecture (can't remember a word I was in such a state of terror), he got to the end, introduced me, I stood up shaking so much I could hardly speak, mumbled something incomprehensible, waved my hands a bit and sat down in a hurry. The lecturer looked round in such incomprehension and disgust ... A couple of people took leaflets on their way out cos they felt sorry for me.

It was so much worse because I'd let down the charity, and because there's something I remembered in the Bible, "do not worry about what you will say, when the time comes the words will be given to you." Obviously the Almighty doesn't endorse that particular charity!! (Or he expects us to work within our limits and write the damn thing down next time. Which I did. Still shaky and short, but at least I got the words out.)

So ... another painful episode partially exorcised! I also find when re-playing the scene you can maybe substitute the words and actions you'd prefer to have said and done, and kind of set up a pathway for the next time you're in the situation--positive reinforcement rather than focusing on the 'wrong' thing.

 

[triceratops]

When I was 3 I was sat on the toilet and I think I must've leaned to far forward as I fell off and smacked my head on the radiator. Ok so it had nothing to with my SA/SP but it hurt soooo much

 

[Mandy-Chan]

i'm sorry outside_looking_in , i couldn't imagin even bringing up the courage to do that. Well, i remember back in the 6th grade my chorus teacher (i always just lip-synch with everyone else, they made me take the class) anyway, it was the 2nd day of school and i was seated in the way back and i couldn't see the overhead/board at all. Being the 2nd day in middle school, i thought, "hey, i'm going to start a new me, i'm going to stand up for myself and be the person i've always wanted to be"

So, i get up and go to the teacher and say "i cant see the bored" (not to much, i know, but it was a start for me) and she sais "well, what can we do about it?" ..... i froze, then said "i dont know" ... she took it like i was being sarcastic or something.. because she yelled at me "well, why dont you sit down and figure it out, come to me when you have an idea"....

with tears in my eyes, i sit down and write something like i need to get new glasses. she comes back, saying "well do you know yet?" .... i burst out in sobs... and run out of the classroom, doing so i had to get up, move around the teacher and out in front of everyone where the chalk board is and go out. i just sat by the door crying, and she comes out saying "what are you doing?" ...and.. i say, again, "i dont know" ....she said to go in the bathroom and clean up then go back to class. By the time i got back i had already started to hypervenalate... so i sat down in the class that saw me do all this...for the next 30 minutes. through that time i was hypervenalating the hole time.. everyone looked at me wondering what was wrong with me. .... everyone. When i got out of that...that hell-hole, a teacher saw me and took me to the school councler.
They didn't help, all they kept saying was "its okay, they didn't care".... *sigh* i had to go to this class the hole year. and the worst thing is, the same day i had my first period

 

[black_mamba]

Mandy that sucks, but it gets better. Your old teacher sounds like a hag. :evil:

School is one of the hardest things we need to get through, and children can be so cruel, teachers equally so (I've been teased by teachers about my quietness in front of everyone, it's so embarrassing and hurtful).

 

[Fighter86]

Try doing something to keep your mind of it. And not something that you can easily tune out, like watching TV. These days, I've been playing on the computer all day everyday, and I realize that I don't tune out that much because I'm using my brain when playing games. Try and find something that suits you.

This is what I do as well. At least I try to do it. Sometimes, if I can't gather myself together, I'll sink into depression thinking 'bout all my 'past mistakes'. When I get into one of these moods, it usually takes me 3 days to climb out of the depression that comes along, which is why I hate it so much...

 

[Mysti]

I'm constantly reliving my past, moreso remembering people from it and worrying what they thought of me at that time and how they would judge me now. If I'm brutally honest with myself, it is holding me back from moving on and is one of the reasons I avoid going out to certain places, just in case I bumped into anyone I used to know from school.

I was reading this post yesterday and it got me thinking. Now I've presented myself with a bit of a quandary. For a few years now I've been wondering whether I should get in touch with old school friends or list myself on friend reunited, but I have always been too scared in case people think I am a failure which is how I feel most of the time.
Perhaps I am in fact making my problems worse by not facing them head on. Should I let sleeping dogs lie? or is it better for me to admit to people the problems I am still having (which hopefully they wouldn't judge me for) and possibly rekindle some long lost friendships? I am worried of making the wrong decision and regretting it later, I just don't know which is the right one :? Sorry for posing a question in this thread but any advice would truly be appreciated.

 

[Scrabbl]

Wow I'm very sorry to hear that mandy_chan and outside_looking_in. I have moments like that too but I've almost succeeded in forgetting them. It's scary how memories keeps coming back to make us remember every detail of what happened years ago. I remember I started to have these "cringe" moments since grade 2. I was about 7 or 8 yrs old and was really annoyed but never really thought about why bad thigns replay in my head.
Mandy..I hate when teachers starts asking rhetorical questions like that. 'cause I'll always be shocked by it and the only response would come out as "I don't know".
Scyth.. No offense but I find that rather funny. but... if you can still remember something happened when you were 3 then that have got to be extremely painful. But I find physical pains only temporary. Expereneces like that don't haunt me as much as social experiences