Does he actually like me? (or just drunk)

[JulieN]

I have always assumed that I would live my life in loneliness. I mean, I do have friends, but the prospect of a boyfriend has always seemed so remote. I had never even held hands with someone of the opposite sex. Until a couple of months ago. I was quite drunk (which does not really make me less shy but I was also in a very good mood) and recognised him as a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend, so I went and talked to him. We talked for a minute and suddenly he was kissing me. This went on for quite a long time (quite a story, really, but telling it would endanger my anonymity ) but ended in me pushing him off.

He seems like a nice guy, and I find him really attractive, and since I seem to be completely unable to initiate these things, I sort of don't want to let it slip. The problem is that I'm not sure whether he actually likes me, or was just drunk. The fact that I know he is incredibly shy complicates the matter.

Whenever I have seen him in the daytime he has ignored me (but I ignore him as well, so that might be why). Once I actually managed to talk to him, but it was just incredibly awkward, and he tried to get away. I did also make myself add and message him on facebook, and suggest we do something, but he said he was busy (which I know was true).
On the other hand: one reason I started talking to him was that he had tried talking to me before like a year ago, but he was drunk then as well (apparently he never talks to anyone when he's sober). I was in a bad mood then and basically ignored him. He also knew my name and what I do, as well as a couple of my interests. And the incident was more or less repeated a couple of weeks after the first one, and we swapped numbers. I made myself text him a couple of times (not something I would normally do for fear of rejection) and he replied quite quickly, but never initiated anything and now I haven't seen him in ages.

I feel like I've already put so much effort into this, going so far away from my comfort zone I barely have any landmarks left to go by, and I don't know if its worth the effort. I myself am very shy (though not quite as shy as he is, I think) and I can't work out if he is doing what I am doing (as with the ignoring). It is the first time someone has showed an obvious interest in me who I quite liked back. I wouldn't say I'm in love, but I just don't want to blow this chance. Especially if it is just shyness, and he is just as desperate as I am.

Sorry about the length. I would be so grateful for any opinions on this. What should I do? I just feel so naive.

 

[MikeyC]

The problem is that I'm not sure whether he actually likes me, or was just drunk. The fact that I know he is incredibly shy complicates the matter.

Alcohol has probably lowered his inhibitions and his shyness and that's why he went in for the kiss. I would say he does like you but is far too shy to admit it. It'll be up to you to try and initiate something with him because it looks like he won't. You're shy, too, so it's going to take some effort on your part just to get through that stage.

Good luck!

 

[Section_31]

I have to agree with Mikeyc.

Good luck and keep us posted .

 

[JulieN]

Aw, but I just don't know what to do! There seems to be no progress - the second time we 'talked', although 'enjoyable', was not much more than a repetition of the first.

I can't see any other way than somehow finding him in a drunk state and just asking him whether he likes me. Which I will do in a very blunt and probably offensive way for fear of being rejected. And then at least I'll have some sort of answer. Unless he just does not answer. Which I probably wouldn't. That will annoy me greatly.

 

[MikeyC]

I can't see any other way than somehow finding him in a drunk state and just asking him whether he likes me. Which I will do in a very blunt and probably offensive way for fear of being rejected.

The bluntest way is sometimes the best way. I hope he doesn't reject you.

 

[Sial Axetder]

JulieN, something with how he reacts tells me you're liked by him.

I agree with MikeyC.

You're going to have to break the ice, I don't see this guy being able to. Do as you say, be blunt... but lightly so.

Ask'im the question you want answered.

If he doesn't answer, kind of play with it a bit. He may have trust issues.
Make the environment easy goin. Hard to know what that means. Maybe tell'im you're not leavin until you get an answer, playfully though.

You must forgive, I may be not the best for advice in this area.

 

[JulieN]

JulieN, something with how he reacts tells me you're liked by him.

I agree with MikeyC.

You're going to have to break the ice, I don't see this guy being able to. Do as you say, be blunt... but lightly so.

Ask'im the question you want answered.

If he doesn't answer, kind of play with it a bit. He may have trust issues.
Make the environment easy goin. Hard to know what that means. Maybe tell'im you're not leavin until you get an answer, playfully though.

Thanks for the input! I do tend to think the best of people, and looking for positive signs... well... they are not too hard to find. There are more than I have mentioned here. And I can't imagine he is so callous as to fake those things. But I'm so new to the situation and absolutely terrified of being rejected.

And I also suspect that he is afraid to see me when he's sober because he knows he can't quite handle it. And neither can I...

But thanks for balancing out certain cynics in my vicinity.

Well, now I suppose I'll have to think of some way to bring about a suitable context....