Eye contact problem

[UnOccupied]

So, i've been feeling really good lately, BUT i still have been having problems with eye contact. I just can't seem to get this down.

It's very situational for me. It depends a lot on how i'm feeling, and who the person is. If i'm feeling good, it is usually easier, UNLESS i'm feeling "too" good. This means when i'm feeling really good, and i think others will get mad at me and not approve of my mood. This is due to a lack of happiness around the house growing up i think. Also, it depends on who i am with. Some people are easier to look in the eye than others obviously; but i get so down on myself when i cant look someone in the eye...even just one person! I tell myself i'm so weird and not normal and different, just because i had trouble looking that one person in the eye.

I get so down on myself about stuff like this. I have this very good talent of blowing the smallest faults of mine out of proportion.

I think the problem is due to the way my dad looks at me in the eye. He STARES at me, and it makes me feel so uncomfortable. I get scared i will make others feel the way he made me feel.

I don't even know what the point was in writing this way. I guess i just wanted to vent. But, it's not like i'm going to ever fix this problem. I guess it will just keep happening my whole life.

 

[Millie]

I totally know where you are coming from on this. I have a problem with eye contact too sometimes, and who you are speaking to does make a massive difference. I guess I have always felt that you don't need to look someone in the eye to speak to them, just kinda look at them if that makes sense? But it's so much more important than just doing it for an interview etc..I find my eyes wander when I am talking, esp. if something I not finding easy to talk about, or if it is a serious topic I find it esp. hard.

I can understand people may put u down if they think ur not listening or really in the convo etc..but don't put urself down, as it will only make it worse. could maybe try holding eye contact for a few seconds conciously, then building it up for longer..by doing this maybe u will start eye contact UNCONCIOUSLY and find it easier as time goes on? Even people without SA find eye contact difficult, it is not as easy as it sounds- people often do feel uncomfortable. So don't bring urself down about it, and remember wanting to work on this skill says more about your determination, than it does about the eye contact. A lot of people don't work on this skill and probably most people could do with workig on it.

 

[iwrotethenote]

I've had this problem for a long time, ever since I was a kid. I just always hated to look people in the eye and I had no idea why. I've done the same thing all throughout high school, but once I got to college I forced myself to try and do it because I didn't want people to think that I wasn't interested in being their friend or something.
You could try and force yourself to do it like I did, but that won't get rid of the thoughts or uncomfortableness that comes with it. I understand that you feel bad about yourself when you can't do it, but if you can look even one person in the eye, I see it as an accomplishment!

 

[bigcat1967]

An old trick that I learned a long time ago: look at their mouth instead of their eyes.

 

[UnOccupied]

The thing i hate is that i can't pay attention to what others are saying, i'm just so focused on my anxiety

 

[jojo77]

I totally feel you...I always feel like I'm focusing on making eye contact, but not too much so I look creepy or something.then I start thinking about if the person is noticing me be so preoccupied, then it comes time for me to talk and I'm stuck because I haven't really been paying attention.then I feel stupid which causes even more anxiety....ughhhh it's a vicious cycle:/

 

[UnOccupied]

Here's something weird. I feel like i don't have SA at all. I just have small interpersonal problems when talking. They don't relate to my personal fear of talking to others. They relate to the way i make "others feel."

For example: In class yesterday, i answered a question. I was nervous about answering it, but as i started talking, i found myself expanding on my answer in front of the whole class. I actually do well speaking in class in times like this. The part when i felt anxious was when my teacher went to respond, and we had to maintain eye contact. I got so nervous as soon as she started responding to me. Thats what makes me uncomfortable, the fear of making others feel uncomfortable when looking at them, NOT when i'm talking...weird.

 

[tiggs95]

that is exactly how i am. I feel more uncomfortable listening than i do talking. This is probably because i am thinking about what i am saying so it is diverting my mind. Its a weird thing. When i am listening to someone it is worse because i am anxious listening to them i can't even hear what they are saying so the conversation goes dead.