LuckynumberBleu
New member
I do not know a single other person with ocd, so being part of a forum is a great thing for me. My own family still does not know, or believe, that I have this disorder so I can't discuss it with them. Also, It is a matter of great embarassment with me.
My compulsions started at a very young age, probably 4 or 5, when I would obsessively clear my throat. Later I would have compulsions that had to do with my mouth and sinuses...snorting, weezing, twisting my jaw. For a while, I would lick a part of my hand, which soon became extremely chapped. My mom was particularly disturbed by this and would mock me when she was frustrated or angry at me. Even worse, however, were the kids at school. My own good friends would often laugh at my expense. Their favorite convulsion, which they still joke about to this day, is the one in fifth grade when I would sniff my food.
These tics were disturbing not only to those around me, but to myself as well. Some, such as jaw twisting, would be fine at first but after so many times my jaw would hurt alot, which would make me want to do it all the more.
For a while I had an obsession that involved my alarm clock. I was obsessed with the idea that "this is the last halloween of this millenium" (it was the year 1999) and I would obsessively look at my clock at night, thinking "this is the last time it will be nine o'clock on this day in November in this millenium"
Around seventh grade I stopped these compulsions almost completely but my disorder gave way to an onslaught of "intrusive thoughts." These were especially intense throughout junior high and most of high school. Now days these have mostly subsided too, at least, they are not nearly as intense as they used to be. Whenever an intrusive thought enters my mind, I use certain images or thoughts that "circumvent" the intrusive thought.
Nowdays my compulsions have to do with certain words I say to myself, that I have to say within my head before I can do certain things. Some of these words are "hero" "ear" and "charch" and "papps" (not actually words, I know.) Also, there are certain little prayers I have to say almost constantly or I feel God will be angry at me. Usually, my "tics" are at their worst if I am overtired.
I don't have obsessions with the order of things, so to speak, but once in a while I will get a sort of perfectionist tic. Also, it is extremely difficult for me to begin something (even something like laundry or doing the dishes) If I know that I am going to be going somewhere else/doing something else that same day.
Sorry this is so long! I just had to get it all out. I couldn't understand myself for the longest time; I really do wonder how "normal" people experience the world. I am just very happy that i am not alone!!
My compulsions started at a very young age, probably 4 or 5, when I would obsessively clear my throat. Later I would have compulsions that had to do with my mouth and sinuses...snorting, weezing, twisting my jaw. For a while, I would lick a part of my hand, which soon became extremely chapped. My mom was particularly disturbed by this and would mock me when she was frustrated or angry at me. Even worse, however, were the kids at school. My own good friends would often laugh at my expense. Their favorite convulsion, which they still joke about to this day, is the one in fifth grade when I would sniff my food.
These tics were disturbing not only to those around me, but to myself as well. Some, such as jaw twisting, would be fine at first but after so many times my jaw would hurt alot, which would make me want to do it all the more.
For a while I had an obsession that involved my alarm clock. I was obsessed with the idea that "this is the last halloween of this millenium" (it was the year 1999) and I would obsessively look at my clock at night, thinking "this is the last time it will be nine o'clock on this day in November in this millenium"
Around seventh grade I stopped these compulsions almost completely but my disorder gave way to an onslaught of "intrusive thoughts." These were especially intense throughout junior high and most of high school. Now days these have mostly subsided too, at least, they are not nearly as intense as they used to be. Whenever an intrusive thought enters my mind, I use certain images or thoughts that "circumvent" the intrusive thought.
Nowdays my compulsions have to do with certain words I say to myself, that I have to say within my head before I can do certain things. Some of these words are "hero" "ear" and "charch" and "papps" (not actually words, I know.) Also, there are certain little prayers I have to say almost constantly or I feel God will be angry at me. Usually, my "tics" are at their worst if I am overtired.
I don't have obsessions with the order of things, so to speak, but once in a while I will get a sort of perfectionist tic. Also, it is extremely difficult for me to begin something (even something like laundry or doing the dishes) If I know that I am going to be going somewhere else/doing something else that same day.
Sorry this is so long! I just had to get it all out. I couldn't understand myself for the longest time; I really do wonder how "normal" people experience the world. I am just very happy that i am not alone!!
