Have any of you actually beat this?

[hitch]

I realize that may be a dumb question, since you probably never would have sought this place out or be posting here if you were all shiny happy, bit seriously I'm at that point where I've got my suicide plan and I just can't stand it anymore.

I've tried 4 different therapists, a hypnotists, also, Prozac, paxill, buspar, cepachalin, effervexin, and valium. Every year/day I've always ignorantly told myself, tomorrow things may change, yet year after year goes by in a blur and I just get older. High School's gone, my teens, childhood, I'm a few months away from my 20's being gone, it's not going to change.

I have read some other posts and see some of you have it worse than me, but I just don't see myself doing this for another 50yrs or more, everyday I just wanna lay in bed, I excersise off and on, (alot more off lately) I have no job, I've flunked out of 4 different colleges, even tho I have a 130 I.Q. (I'm just to lazy to study).

I've been "in love" with a girl for the past 5yrs who I hardly ever even talked to and who I hated anyway, just the old moth to a flame thing, but if I wasn't miserable over her it'd just be someone else, like the one's before her. I can't say about there being a god, really I don't believe there is, I'm a little scared of going somewhere worse, but I don't know, anymore, I don't care. Is there anything any of you have had success with that I haven't tried?!?!?!?!?!

 

[MadCat]

Hi Hitch. I am in a pretty bad way at the moment.

I have been for years. Infact, I've always been messed up since I was a young kid.

I've wanted to kill myself many times. I've had my plan all set but I wasn't ready. I'm not ready until I totally know I can't get better.

I'm not sure what is down the road for me but I do know that one of the things that keeps me wanting to get better is to share my knowledge and experiece later on.

I want to help people, not for money but just because I know how hard it is for me. No one deserves to live like this. We deserve bettter! I think one of the biggest things is that you have to really want to change. You must set a basic goal and believe you can get there...

As for your I.Q. it doesn't really measure how smart you are. There are some people out there with IQ below average who are able to do things intelligently better than you and me.

You say you are lazy to study, but are you sure it is not a motivation? When I hear the word lazy it reminds me of choosing to not do something, mainly cause yu can't be bothered. I'd like to study certain things but I just can't find the time. I have too many others things bringing me down.

I've got myself a goal. It's a simple one. My goal is that I just want to improve enough to be happy.

Aiming for happiness is a great goal. If you think about the negatives all the time then it's just gonna bring you down. It's easier said than done though. I think about the bad stuff all the time but shrug it off and think of something good that can come out of it.

Have you accepted that you can get better?

Remember..don't rely on other people & medications to make you better. They can point you in the right direction and help you succeed, but at the end your recovery will be ultimately from yourself.

 

[esp]

hi there, seems like I'm the same age as you. Sounds like you have depression, you just have to realise that a symptom of depression is to think thoughts like that. I had the same problem thinking things like things will never get better for me, there's noone out there for me. You just have to challenge the thoughts and realise its irrational even though it feels real. Its really helping me to start tackling my fears one by one even though I have a long way to go. And to stop blaming yourself for being this way, its not your fault. An anxiety disorder causes you to think bad things about yourself but it doesn't mean its real. I've also tried many forms of therapy in the past 10 years which didn't work for me but you just have to realise you're worth it and keep trying. You deserve to go out there and enjoy life like everyone else! Hope this helps, if it doesn't, disregard.

 

[hitch]

Hey, thanks for the reply's, I must say I'm surpised to hear you guys say you are dealing with this yet you want to live, I mean, don't get me wrong, I"m glad for you that you still have hope, I just don't, not so sure if I'd care if I did find some way to beat it, I've already screwed up so much it seems pointless to go forward if I can't go back and fix all the friendship's I messed up and all the events I missed out on, but unless they invent time travel I can't do that, oh well, thanks anyway for the advice, good luck to both of you as well.

 

[MadCat]

Ok, don't want to sound too weird but you already have the ability to control time. You can go back and fix what is wrong and even bring a guide along with you.

Only you can accept your past and future.

Something still in there wants to hang on and you can use that and make it grow to what you want.

Remember Hitch, before you give up there is always something to try that you may of missed. You sound like you've tried most stuff but have you tried self-therapy?

 

[racheH]

Is there anything any of you have had success with that I haven't tried?!?!?!?!?!

I have to jump in here to say YES because if you're contemplating suicide you obviously need some hope for the future. A number of individuals have made great progress and have shared their experiences here before. I am recovered from my main phobia (it branched out a little so there are a few specific things that still bother me, but the root and stem is now dead ), despite using no professional therapy. I know some people may be sceptical on account of my age, but remember I can recall having this thing from the earliest of memories, so it has in fact taken at least 14 years to go, and not just the few from when I actually knew it wasn't rational and had to be beaten. Also, my understanding was significantly advanced by one chance event of the kind that I haven't seen described by anyone else, which played a huge part in how quickly I was able to resolve things.

Don't want to bore people giving what would need to be a long description of how this all happened, but if you go onto my profile and press 'Read all posts by racheH' you can find some of my posts explaining how I think it did and can for others. If you want to, PM me and I'll happily explain better or give advice (this goes for anyone). However, if you find me unhelpful please don't lose hope or confidence in yourself. I'm writing this to show that it is possible and so not worth giving up on life. It's difficult to communicate clearly this kind of thing and of course everyone's problems are different and may need different approaches, so success might take much time and patience and many sources of help. Even if you have no faith in your perception of God, it will help to find faith in something, be it yourself, fate or your own goals (I recommend aiming for specific improvements in any case)

Very best wishes,
Rachel