Anonymous
Well-known member
I don't know if this is a serious forum or not but I need help...
I've been looking into seeing a specialist about my OCD. This all dates back in 2002 when burglars tried to break into my house. They turned out to be kids that I used to be friends with who knew about my family keeping some money in the house. I had witnesses etc. but the police did nothing. To this day I believe it was racism. I was traumatized because I felt helpless. Also, other things would happen soon after. The house would get shot up with paintballs, a window was broken which seemed to be because of a rock thrown at it not sure to this day, and I was picked on a lot in high school. This is the main reason why I had 60+ absences because I couldn't face the racism. No one seemed to help the teachers, god, even the police! There was nothing I could do and these kids could try this again. I set my outside sensor lights in particular places to avoid this. I began to do my religious rituals because it was the last alternative which slowly dissapated. Then I did lucky number (5 being my lucky number) rituals and counting usually 1234 3 times and on the 4th 12345. I currently still do counting and other routines. I feel intense anxiety when someone moves my car seat. I try to get things in the exact right places and if they're not I will spend up to 1-2 hours getting them in perfect position. My sideburns have to be perfect or else everyone will treat me poorly, no one will like me, and I will have enemies hence the attacks on my house will happen again. Is something wrong with me? I had a break down the other night. I was trying to make my sideburns straight with a ruler for about 30 minutes. When I went to sleep I felt like I was almost possessed by the devil like some evil spirit was there making me do these things. I felt tired but just out of place at the same time. I almost wanted to die because I didn't want this feeling anymore I couldn't take it it was too much. I have my good points where I love my family and I feel very blissful. Thent here are times like now where I feel very depressed emotional sensitive and self conscious. I don't want to see a doctor because I don't want to be labeled as a psycho. I am trying to stop these things hmm.
I've been looking into seeing a specialist about my OCD. This all dates back in 2002 when burglars tried to break into my house. They turned out to be kids that I used to be friends with who knew about my family keeping some money in the house. I had witnesses etc. but the police did nothing. To this day I believe it was racism. I was traumatized because I felt helpless. Also, other things would happen soon after. The house would get shot up with paintballs, a window was broken which seemed to be because of a rock thrown at it not sure to this day, and I was picked on a lot in high school. This is the main reason why I had 60+ absences because I couldn't face the racism. No one seemed to help the teachers, god, even the police! There was nothing I could do and these kids could try this again. I set my outside sensor lights in particular places to avoid this. I began to do my religious rituals because it was the last alternative which slowly dissapated. Then I did lucky number (5 being my lucky number) rituals and counting usually 1234 3 times and on the 4th 12345. I currently still do counting and other routines. I feel intense anxiety when someone moves my car seat. I try to get things in the exact right places and if they're not I will spend up to 1-2 hours getting them in perfect position. My sideburns have to be perfect or else everyone will treat me poorly, no one will like me, and I will have enemies hence the attacks on my house will happen again. Is something wrong with me? I had a break down the other night. I was trying to make my sideburns straight with a ruler for about 30 minutes. When I went to sleep I felt like I was almost possessed by the devil like some evil spirit was there making me do these things. I felt tired but just out of place at the same time. I almost wanted to die because I didn't want this feeling anymore I couldn't take it it was too much. I have my good points where I love my family and I feel very blissful. Thent here are times like now where I feel very depressed emotional sensitive and self conscious. I don't want to see a doctor because I don't want to be labeled as a psycho. I am trying to stop these things hmm.
